Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Whyyyy can't I let him go!!

11 replies

berriesandcream21 · 07/06/2018 13:08

I first met this guy almost a year ago when he started at my work. We instantly clicked and was clear there was a spark there. He had a gf so we were friends for about 4ish months before he split with her and we admitted our feelings for one another. Things went quickly from there and we began dating. Didn't last long though. It got weird and he backed off. I had alot happening at the time to in my personal life. I said to him let's just be friends. He didn't take it well and blocked my number.
Going back to work in the new year was painful. I'd see him the days i was in. It was awkward, we didn't speak to each other. It was like this for a good 5 months.
In the last month things have changed we have become friendly again. We chat just the way we used to when we were friends. When we speak to each other I can still feel the spark.
However I don't feel this is going to work out and isn't good for me as I've been suffering with depression. I've got a handle on it now finally. But I just can't let him go. There is something in my mind saying what if he is your one. What if it works out. Then my logical brain is saying I need to back off.
Sorry for the ramble, I need someone to tell me I need to get a grip and back away from him

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 07/06/2018 13:12

Get a grip and back away from him

There you go, glad to help

Butterflykissess · 07/06/2018 13:13

It's obviously not meant to be. What do you mean when you say things got weird?

Mishappening · 07/06/2018 13:14

The reason you find it hard to let this go is that being in love, which is an emotionally heightened state, wipes out reason.

Here is the voice of reason - stay away.

berriesandcream21 · 07/06/2018 13:33

Thanks shatners ha! Think I need a virtual slap.
Well when I say got weird. Everything was fine. Then at the beginning of the week he seemed distant, didn't hear from him as much. He said He felt down for some reason. Then cancelled our plans as he forgot it was his grandad meal apparently. Then it just got a bit off so I then said let's me friends as I feel messed around a bit. I never found out why he was that way.
Yea I do feel I love him. It's tough

OP posts:
AbsolutelyBeginning · 07/06/2018 14:10

Sounds like you got him on the rebound. This man doesn't know what he wants.

You say you've been depressed so this may have coloured your feelings. I would work on yourself and build up your life so you are busy and happy without a man, then you will be ready to make a good choice later on.

I don't believe this man is for you. It shouldn't be this hard.

DaisyLux · 07/06/2018 14:34

I think this is why (possibly) relationships at work are frowned upon. If it goes wrong ... it can be very upsetting to see the other person every day at work. I think if you do meet someone at work you have to go more slowly and carefully perhaps? Remember you said Things went quickly from there...

Anyway, its done now. Its part of being young, or young at heart, falling in love with people (or thinking you do) and then it not working out. My view is that its just easier if you don't have to see them again. Perhaps time will help - you seemed to be OK after the new year. But to make it work I don't see how you can still be friends as it will just continually raise your feelings again. Can you cut all ties with him except to say hello (professionally) and get on with you day?

berriesandcream21 · 07/06/2018 15:04

daisy I agree with you. Now I've learnt my lesson about work relationships. I tried to avoid him just asking if he would like a drink as the office takes it in turns. He then proceeded to text and ask why couldn't we be civil and friends. Then just recently I've been able to let my anger and hurt go and then we have got on fine again. But like you say this is dragging my feelings up for him even more.

OP posts:
DaisyLux · 07/06/2018 15:16

He then proceeded to text and ask why couldn't we be civil and friends

^I think thats unfair and insensitive of him - really not very nice is the nicest way I can put it. Honest, you're better than that.

How about ignoring texts and anything else from him, instead just smiling through gritted teeth and saying hi in a neutral way when you see him?

DaisyLux · 07/06/2018 15:19

Am also thinking - his toing and froing about everything from the beginning - he doesn't know what he wants as another poster said or he does - he just wants his cake and eat it.

Tell him there's no more Cake!

ShatnersWig · 07/06/2018 15:21

Virtual slap.

There you are, have one of those, too, OP.

But as for this "Yea I do feel I love him" - no, you don't. You really don't. You didn't even date for very long as it "got weird". You've had personal stuff going on and depression. Trust me - whatever you feel for this guy, it ain't love. Some sort of infatuation, or crush, but it sure as hell ain't love, kid.

berriesandcream21 · 07/06/2018 15:58

I think it's the fact he makes me feel better about myself. He is a charmer, I've come to realise this

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread