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Original poster

WWYD re DC and presents from grandparents

11 replies

FujiNine · 07/06/2018 09:53

The DC get birthday card+cheque and then a cheque at Christmas from DH's dad every year. All great and much appreciated etc, except he always says how difficult it is to remember all of his grandchildren's birthdays etc (he does have 7, 3 our our DC) and it's become a bit of a regular complaint. Which I get because he's only started doing it since DH's mum died 3 years ago and he thought it was her job. But now the kids are getting older I don't want them to hear him complaining about having to remember their birthdays etc and how difficult it all is when they get their card. My eldest is really sensitive to things like that. I feel like saying either give the card or don't, either is fine, but don't say anything on their birthday.

Do you think I'm being overly sensitive?

OP posts:

DillyDilly · 07/06/2018 09:57

You are over-sensitive, it sounds like your FIL is doing his best.

How about suggesting to him that he doesn’t do birthday cards/gifts and just gives the GC the combined amount at Christmas. Job done in one go.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 07/06/2018 09:57

I do think you're being over sensitive and you really shouldn't say anything. That would be so rude and he isn't doing anything wrong, just saying it's hard to remember birthdays.

Can you offer to remind him a week before anyone's birthday or set up an online calender or some other practical solution to help him?

Cricrichan · 07/06/2018 09:59

Or just tell your children that because his wife always did it that he's not used to having to do everything so don't take it personally.

MMmomDD · 07/06/2018 10:01

Yes, oversensitive.

GF probably gets reminded of his w passing every time he does something she used to do.
And it isn’t easy to remember 7 birthdays.

Your eldest - you can explain to him that isn’t both difficult for the gf and sad, while at the same time as being a happy occasion for the child involved.
Learning a little compassion isn’t a bad thing for children.

Original poster

FujiNine · 07/06/2018 10:03

Thanks for responses, i think I am definitely over-sensitive on a lot of things, need to chill out a bit!

We already put all important dates like birthdays/doctors appointments etc etc in the wall calendar and his iPad.

OP posts:

ourkidmolly · 07/06/2018 10:10

Extremely over sensitive and be careful you don't pass this trait onto your children.

Mishappening · 07/06/2018 10:13

Oh - just get a life! Honestly you are being ridiculous. I have 7 GC and you may take it from me that it is a real job to remember all their birthdays and exactly how old they are, especially as two of them have the same name!

It must be very hard for him if his wife used to remember the birthdays - my own father had the same problem when my Mum died. He did his best - and we all did our best to help him. We all treated it very lightheartedly and the children learned tolerance and to understand that someone can love you dearly but find it hard to remember some things, especially after a bereavement.

Just cut him a bit of slack for goodness sake and appreciate what he is trying to do. If you treat it as being a problem so will the children. I have never heard such a non-problem in my life. I hope you never face any real problems in your life!

GahWhatever · 07/06/2018 10:14

He's telling you that he's struggling. Buy him a date book with lots filled in for his next birthday/father's day.

UghAgh · 07/06/2018 10:14

Yep, it’s oversensitive.

How about suggesting to him that he doesn’t do birthday cards/gifts and just gives the GC the combined amount at Christmas. Job done in one go

This is a great suggestion.

Babdoc · 07/06/2018 10:19

Get him a verjaardagskalendar! It’s a Dutch tradition - a perpetual wall calendar that hangs in the loo, with all the relatives’ birthdays on it. That way he sees it every day, and it will remind him of all the birthdays due that month.
Depending on his age, he might be getting very forgetful or have early dementia, and this could be worrying him and causing him to obsess about the fear of missing a birthday. The poor chap is also grieving. Cut him some slack, poor old chap.

LilQueenie · 07/06/2018 10:27

lots of people forget so at least he is trying to remember all the dates. So long as he isn't forgetting and sending a card 6 months later actually stating to the dc he 'forgot about them' as did mil. She is batshit though. I think you have a grandparent who is actually trying his best. Is he coping ok with everything else?

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