I didn't want to

[purplenight]

My DH and I had a few glasses of wine this evening. All was fine, we then had dinner and I started to feel tired so lay down on the sofa to go to sleep (this is normal for us - snoring means one of us usually ends up here)

Anyway he asked if he could lie next to me for a cuddle and I said yes that would be nice. I said I didn't want to have sex because I was a bit drunk and tired. He tried anyway and I said no. But he kept doing it. I didn't push him off or shout or anything like that. I asked him not to a few times but I wasn't forceful about it. He just kept going even when I said I wanted to sleep. I'm so confused.

Afterwards he told me I was being weird and he's now in the next room listening to the TV really loudly so I can't sleep.

I feel really sad and stupid. Sorry, I don't even know what I'm asking

I’m so sorry but he raped you. You don’t have to be fighting someone off for it to be rape. He knows what he’s done is wrong hence saying you are being weird and trying to put the blame onto you. How you go forward now is up to you but anyone who carries on having sex when told no is a rapist.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I can understand how confused you must feel. But you know it's rape. If someone else told you that this had happened to them you would know what it was. You must deal with this the way you see fit. Maybe call a rape crisis helpline or something to talk to someone who will understand. I'm sorry he did this to you.

Thanks for the replies. Not sure what to do.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Is there someone you can talk to irl? How do you feel about phoning the Rape crisis?

Thanks for the replies. Not sure what to do.

Phone the police

I have no one to speak to irl. I'm not in danger, he is asleep, he's not like this usually. We have been together for a long time.

Just because he's not raped you before doesnt mean he can do it just this once. I'm glad he's asleep and therefore you don't feel you are in danger. I do believe you should be giving the police/rape crisis line a call. They will know what to say to you and how to help you in any way that you need it.

Can you call rape crisis for advice today? Hope you got some sleep

Are you ok OP?

Contact rape crisis if you can.

I think that most people who are raped, feel exactly like you. Based on experience and wide reading. They question what happened, whether the other person intended to do it, whether they should have done more, was it really rape, blame themselves, etc. They were all raped. The confusion and denial are relatively successful methods of not having to face the reality of the situation. Because it isnt nice to accept! But you dont have to protect him or make excuses for him, he doesnt deserve it. The easiest say to understand how wrong it is, is to put yourself in his position. You would know EXACTLY what he meant when he said he wasnt interested, no, he wanted to sleep. You would stop. You would not rape him.

Purplenight, i say this as kindly as possible.
You said NO. repeatedly. He continued and you again said no. He heard you. He ignored you.
This is rape.
Please contact rape crisis or another agency - they will not judge you, they will not coerce or push you into reporting - they exist only to help in confidence - whatever your wishes are they will respect them. Please for your mental and emotional health - contact them.
You did NOT deserve this - it was NOT your fault in any way whatsoever.

Hello OP, how are you?