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Original poster

Webcam porn

22 replies

Browniebaker · 06/06/2018 21:20

Do you have to pay to use webcam porn? Or is it free like some other porn sites?

Just found out my partner has been using it while I'm in the house. This is despite me trying to have a sexual relationship and him saying no because he doesn't feel like it or is too busy playing games to come to bed.

And he doesn't get why I feel rejected, that it's just something men do apparently. Is it? Am I over reacting? Why interact with a girl you don't know when you've got a girlfriend at home who is willing? I don't get it.

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 06/06/2018 21:28

No it's not normal

SailingOn · 06/06/2018 21:33

It's not free and it's totally disrespectful towards you and your relationship. I'd be giving him an ultimatum although tbh it would probably have ruined the relationship for me. Sorry you're having to deal with this OP

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 06/06/2018 21:35

No it is not something that men just do, and I would be absolutely furious if my DH was doing it.

BarryTheKestrel · 06/06/2018 21:36

Webcam porn is usually paid.

I would not be happy. It not just watching porn for a quick wank when you don't feel like actually having sex. Using webcam porn is usually interacting with another person for sexual gratification rather than interacting with your partner. I'd feel very rejected.

I accept porn use in general (within reason) and have no issue with masturbating. Sometimes you want a quick release and it's easier to do it yourself. However in this situation it's clearly not the case and I'd be feeling the same as you OP.

category12 · 06/06/2018 21:37

It's paid - camming is sex work.

SendYouUpinFlames · 06/06/2018 22:01

It's not something all men do. My DH has never done this. Especially with me in the house. How discusting.
I'm sorry but I'd leave my DH over this.

Cam work is paid work. It is not free

Original poster
Browniebaker · 06/06/2018 22:04

Well that explains why he didn't have much money left over last month then at least.

He doesn't understand why I feel rejected and am refusing to have sex with him again. Kind of want to say to him how would he like it if I was paying another man for this kind of thing?

It's sickening and he thinks it's fine. It's basically cheating, although not fully physical.

I would get if he was using porn while away on work trips. But when I'm in the house at the same time, sleeping upstairs feeling rejected because yet again he didn't want to sleep with me? It's horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Browniebaker · 06/06/2018 23:12

He says he doesn't pay for it, not that I believe him. Doesn't care that this makes me feel worthless and ugly and fat, just says my self esteem problems are my own and he's tried to help. He's not who I thought he was but dunno why he's changed.

OP posts:
Fuckwithnosensesauce · 06/06/2018 23:27

What are you going to do about this? You are obviously unhappy and he is clearly hooked. What next?

LiteraryDevil1 · 06/06/2018 23:39

Ugh. That would be the relationship over for me. You deserve so much better than him and his wank cam issues. How disrespectful of you. Set your bar much higher and cut him loose.

Original poster
Browniebaker · 06/06/2018 23:46

I don't know. He won't talk to me about it or explain himself to me. Dunno what to do.

OP posts:
DaisyLux · 07/06/2018 10:26

He sounds a waste of space as a boyfriend/partner. Why do women put up with this shit? No sex, but live porn Confused and 'games' Biscuit. Tell him to get a life and in the meantime get one yourself (I mean this kindly) rather than wait around for this knobhead to get off his frigging webcam.

cakecakecheese · 07/06/2018 10:37

Men turn to porn and webcams for all sorts of reasons but it's NOT because you're unattractive. My ex husband wouldn't have sex with me and I started thinking it was because I was fat and not sexy. I lost weight and it still didn't help. The issues were his not mine. It's the same here, if he won't talk to you about why he's gone online then it's going to be very difficult to get past this.

Frosty66612 · 07/06/2018 10:42

Webcam shows usually cost about £2 per minute (so £20 for a 10 minute show) and the viewer can direct them to do what they want (within reason).

I would be absolutely livid if my OH was doing this (especially whilst I was in the house and he could have just been having sex with me instead).

RaspberryBeret34 · 07/06/2018 10:42

I'd turn to him and say "I've been thinking and you're right, nothing wrong with it, think I'll give it a go myself with a guy later...!". See what he says then!

Seriously though, it is paid for, it is wrong, it is cheating and the fact he's trying to gaslight you into thinking it's all perfectly fine and just something men do makes it even worse! I would leave asap.

BlankTimes · 07/06/2018 10:58

Dunno what to do
Take a deep breath and make a list of your options.

He thinks this is normal male behaviour, so you're not going to change his mind and he's not going to stop doing it or talk to you about it or even try to hide it or try and understand your point of view. His dick and his sexual satisfaction via a random webcam girl that he's paying for comes (sorry!) before everything else in his life, particularly you.

As I see it, and as you are not happy to live like this and he is, you have two options,

  1. Stay and put up with it.
  2. Split up and one of you leaves.

I wouldn't tolerate being treated the way he has treated and is still treating you.

bunchofdrapes · 07/06/2018 15:01

If he has almost no money left because of webcam porn your issue is far larger than porn.

He earns little and decides, rather than save money or make it work by investing in pension plans or something long term, he diverts this into a sinkhole.

Leave!

girlwithadragontattoo · 07/06/2018 15:31

You don't have to spend loads on the webcams.

My partner uses them, sometimes i'm sat next to him while he does it. Doesn't bother me. You actually buy tokens but you can earn them as well as people can also watch you if that's what your into.
My partner rarely spends money but earns tokens and spends them.

If it's a deal breaker for you though then that's fair enough

LiteraryDevil1 · 07/06/2018 15:46

Tattoo seriously??

girlwithadragontattoo · 07/06/2018 16:07

Yeah why not? I don't feel disrespected in any way, it's something that's not hidden from and he'll quiet often ask if i mind and i don't. It just doesn't bother me.
He could choose to hide that he's doing it which would be worse and it's not like he's meeting up with them or anything. I'm a very open person and it really doesn't bother me

Original poster
Browniebaker · 07/06/2018 19:13

He says that he hasn't paid for anything and that the webcams aren't what I think they are. Dunno what else they could be, the website said webcams although I didn't go on it.

He's still not apologised and I've pretty much broken up with him. Can't stand to look at him right now. He's just refusing to believe it's over. I can't even leave the house we are renting as I have nowhere to go and I have to stay in this area for work and other stuff. I can't move back to my parents as they live too far away from the other stuff and my work.

He's not even trying to fix this, he's just said he won't look at it anymore and that I need to get over it. Can't get over it, he's sleazy to me now.

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil1 · 07/06/2018 19:21

I understand how you must feel. To me it's just grim. May as well go be with a hooker in my view. Good on you for taking no shit Thanks

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