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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Issues with pestering ex

14 replies

DeadSoul · 06/06/2018 18:47

Last September I met a new guy – he seemed lovely. Kind, considerate, intelligent. I was pretty pleased, thought I'd finally found a nice one!

All was fine, in fact very fun, for a bit, but then he started to become possessive. I grew up around possessive men, so I was immediately wary, but also worried that I was imagining the behaviour because I'm always looking for it, iyswim?

But last month, things got much worse – lots of jealousy, fury if I mentioned anything related to past relationships. Even if I said 'when I lived in X city', and didn't mention the person, he'd be instantly livid. He was checking up on me constantly, and didn't even like me hanging out with female friends. Obviously, I got shot of him.

It was a glorious relief – but he will not leave me alone. I'm ignoring all the messages and gifts (he is a big giver of gifts), but it's having no effect. I'm starting to feel a little frightened, actually.

On top of that, I have had the most vile metallic taste in my mouth for two days now, and when I googled (that's how I found this site) found loads of stuff on this being a symptom of pregnancy. I don't think that's very likely – we always used condoms, although he complained about them constantly –but obviously that's another stress.

I just hoped someone might have some advice on how to stop the emailing/texting/sending of flowers? I realise I should have jumped ship sooner, I do feel an idiot.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 06/06/2018 18:49

One message telling him to stop contacting you and if he ignores you, you will be contacting the police.

Block.

HoneyBadgerApparently · 06/06/2018 18:56

Message him saying stop or you will contact police. Then block. If he still finds a way to contact you, contact the police. They are used to this kind of thing and would rather nip it in the bud. Well done for getting out before things got worse, you're not an idiot!

As for the metallic taste, I used to get that in early pregnancy (around six weeks+) but also get it every time I have heartburn, which I get when I'm anxious so hopefully it's just that. Are you late?

No matter what it is your body your choice Flowers

NellMangel · 06/06/2018 19:22

Yeah final message then nothing further.

Not sure about gifts- return to sender if an option or straight in bin.

I get metallic taste when weather thundery...

DeadSoul · 06/06/2018 20:29

Thanks so much for the replies!

I've messaged and blocked him. Got an email immediately saying the police wouldn't be interested and that I was a psychopath, blocked him on email too now, I hope. Don't have social media due to my job, so no worries there.

I honestly didn't think police would care, and would have felt like I was overreacting, so thanks Honey for suggesting that.

I'm due on Tuesday– suppose I'll just have to wait until then, and hope for the best.

I'd so like this all to be over!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 06/06/2018 22:27

The police WILL care, they take harassment/stalking very seriously. Don’t acknowledge any contact he makes, refuse any gifts if couriered.

CourtneyLovely · 06/06/2018 22:45

You've done the right thing by blocking him.

I get a metallic taste if I'm snotty - it seems there are lots of causes!

Guiltypleasures001 · 06/06/2018 23:14

Do a preg test op, he might have messed with the condoms, also watch he is t spying on you buying them.

DeadSoul · 06/06/2018 23:37

Really Courtney? I do have bad hay fever at the moment, so that could well be the problem.

And I am very stressed (thanks to this idiot), so might be flying into a panic for no reason. I feel otherwise fine (usually all hormonal changes make me very sick), so hopefully I was just freaking out.

I do have lingering concerns re: condom meddling, as he was very vocal about disliking them, but surely I'd have, erm, seen the evidence if he'd removed one?

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 07/06/2018 00:59

Not if he'd stuck pin holes in them op

Get tested for pregnancy and sti's then call 101

DeadSoul · 07/06/2018 09:49

Would he really do that?! I did think that he might remove a condom – this has happened to a couple of people I know recently, and really does seem to be on the rise – but with pinholes he'd just put me at risk, not get any extra sensation.

Still got vile taste and now breasts hurt, so I will just get a test today, and test first thing in the morning. Would it show on a cheap test even if I'm not late? Or do I need one of the special expensive ones?

I am booked in at the sti clinic already. Think I might just stay single for a bit after this.

OP posts:
MiggledyHiggins · 07/06/2018 13:12

but with pinholes he'd just put me at risk, not get any extra sensation.

pinholes aren't about improving sensation but rather about stealthily trying to impregnate you "accidentally" in order to trap you into staying in his life or as a means of control over you.

It may not be the case but honestly with someone like this, I'd rather assume the worst and be proven wrong.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 07/06/2018 13:17

I got pregnant after exh deliberately forgot to use a condom.
Test ASAP and also sti just incase x

Butterflykissess · 07/06/2018 13:22

Reading this I immediately thought he put holes in the condoms before it was even suggested. So definitely get tested. Sometimes men like him think getting you pregnant will trap you and keep you, especially since he sounds so possessive.

DeadSoul · 07/06/2018 13:45

I've got a test, it says that it'll be accurate five days before you're due, so I'll do it in the morning. Going to GUM tomorrow too – apparently I'll have to go twice though because sometimes things don't show for three months. But they can check for the common things tomorrow.

Feeling a bit sad today. I just seem to get taken in by men like this every single bloody time. Also a little panicked – he did talk about kids a lot (very early on, it seemed to me), so your comments re: possibly wanting me pregnant ring true.

Trying not to think 'what if' as I'm very busy at work.

Thanks so much for all the replies.

OP posts:
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