Been with my boyfriend nearly a year. He suffers from chronic anxiety and depression. Normally this has no impact on our relationship but occasionally he has these moments when he goes silent and stops texting me. I have to say this drives me mad and makes me really anxious. I have explained this to him on numerous times. He says it's nothing personal but sometimes he just sort of shuts down. I've explained that I need him to just send a message to me saying this before he goes silent or it worries me. I had an ex suddenly cut all contact with no warning and still have anxiety issues over it. My boyfriend was cheated on by his last girlfriend so he has trust issues around my male friends. I respect these insecurities and go out of my way to make sure I'm respectful of them so I don't see why he can't do the same for me.
Most of the time I feel safe and secure in the relationship and know he loves me but every now and then he does this silent thing and it really gets to me. We're in a serious committed relationship. He says he loves me and has never felt this way about anyone. Most of the time he treats me really well. We see each other every weekend but it's tricky to see each other midweek as he works odd hours. We talk on the phone too but his odd hours makes that difficult too sometimes. We text a lot and that's why when he goes silent it hits me hard. We've discussed living together etc.
He doesn't do this often, I can count the amount of times on one hand. Normally I react by waiting, getting increasingly anxious and then texting him lots. He normally then says he was having a bad day etc and says I should know that I can text him anytime I want to. In some ways he's right, part of the problem is my own insecurities but I just find it hard to chase someone who, in my mind, is clearly choosing not to reply to me. I'll see him online for example but not messaging me so not sure how I'm supposed to take that? He always says it's just him checking in with people who are concerned and then sometimes gets offended that I didn't check in with him. He says he hates these texting standoffs but he's always the one who starts them. I'm starting to feel like its a bit of a game. Maybe his way of trying to affirm how I feel about him? I don't know. If I don't reply to him he sometimes gets anxious so I always make the effort to send a quick response even if it's "I'm really busy at the moment, will call you when I'm free". I'm planning on having it out with him when I next see him as I feel it's a face to face conversation but I don't know what to do in the meantime. This is the longest I've gone (27hrs) without panicking and messaging him lots.
Do I:
a) standy ground, not text him again and wait for him to come to me? Which frankly could be never the way he seems to be feeling at the moment.
Or
b) do I send him a message? Just check in and then back off again maybe?
This is the only thing that bothers me about our relationship. Most of the time it's pretty perfect and he makes me really happy. I just don't know how to react in this situation.