When somebody shows you who they are believe them

[Orangecake123]

The above quote is by Maya Angelou. I grew up in a house where domestic violence was the norm, so I never had a concept of what a real healthy relationship looks like.

I've just had this facebook message:

"Yes, alcohol, drugs, women... The simple pleasures that are worth it. And this year has been pleasurable to say the least. 😁

I can take care of people if I choose to do so. But those are very dear to me and at this point it's just one person. Where you see emptiness, I see fullness. A different point of view is all the difference.

And love? If there ever is a person with whom I can imagine a... calm life, calm relationship, then so be it. I will gladly open myself to that and I will settle down. To this day there has only been one and she's one heck of a woman. Ambitious, independent, intelligent, stable, incredibly funny, experienced at life... Sadly at the time she wasn't ready for more. She might never be, so I might as well enjoy my excessive compulsive ride while I'm at it. And maybe I might find someone else who will enchant me. But no need to get attached if I don't feel IT. If someone else gets attached to me then that's their problem. I'm under no obligation to reciprocate. They are not the priority for me and they will never be. Selfish? Yes. But so is the need for others to put you first. If you truly love yourself, you will never have this need, you will never have a need for outside validation and gratification.

Maybe I sound a bit harsh but it's 2:30 am and I'm tired 😁😁
Any plans to travel in the upcoming months? "

I do enjoy talking to him, but I feel there's a lot being said in this message, even to keep him as a friend- would I be right in thinking I should just let this die out .

Let it die out

He is a knob

He is trying to engage you in a version of the 'pick me' dance, in which you are meant to be making every effort to place him enough to be the one that measures up to this (mythical?) previous great love.

Unless he's Leroy Jethro Gibbs (which he won't be, given the drugs) this isn't going to be worth it.

The only answer to that pile of pretentious bollocks is the laughing emoji and then the block button
What a massive fud

I think one message back.
'Fuck off you entitled prick'
Then block, ignore and delete him.
What a cock!

He sounds like a pretentious idiot
Block and delete op

How did you not just piss yourself at that message. He has no idea what a twat he sounds like!

Was he replying to something you said?? Like “please reveal what a twat you are””?

Oh that you need to ask. ..pretentious, unpleasant and just embarrassing. Move on op. Honestly Spotting these types may not come as easy to you but it takes practice, get out there and meet more people.

Sounds like a load of bollocks.

Dump the pretentious wanker.

Oh god, I remember falling for this line when I was 17. He told me about the one that got away, his only true love. He was 20.

She was probably sensible enough to see through him. He was a complete knob, the line was to put me on the back foot and want to impress him, oh and to justify staying emotionally distant.

Obviously he was a cheater and a loser. I fell for it because I was young and stupid.

I’d respond with “I think I’ll leave you to your fairytales, it doesn’t sound appealing. Best of luck finding your Princess Charming!” And block and move on. At best he is an utter prat.

How self involved and in love with yourself do you have to be to send something like that to another person? 😂

He’s trying to make himself seem like an elusive mysterious man about town with whom you’d be lucky to spend time with, and trying to let you know you’ll always be competing with this ‘love of his life’ lady (who also ran from him, smart!). He’s basically trying to get you competing for him, against this other woman in his affections and against his own alleged nature (footloose and fancy free). He must think you’re very insecure to fall for it.

Definitely ignore him and block. I couldn’t take a man like that seriously even as a friend. It’s pretty obvious this isn’t something he’s coming up with on the spot, he’s rehearsed this spiel well over time to strike the exact note he wants it too. You could be anyone. You’re interchangeable. Demand better by spending no more time on this tool.

Reply "Good luck with that then "

Then block.

Talk about a Prince Charmless.

Reply, ''i have Google translated your message to be sure I was getting it right, this is what it came back with, 'I'm a twat, I'm a twat, I'm a really big, up my own arse with a ramrod of self importance, twat' '

Block, move on. (And I too came from a DV family and had a DV relationship myself so know how skewed your vision can get).

Is he 17? Actually, my 12-year-old is more mature than this.

I'd have creased myself laughing if I read that.

'Trying to be a comedian? Don't give up your day job!' and then block.

,Lemony
I'd send that!

OP, I'm not sure from our post who this person is. Probably not the sort of person you should venture into a close relationship with. If it is a friend or colleague then they are perfectly entitled to make their own lifestyle choices and share them, as most of us do on Facebook. I might share something about a walk in the countryside or a pet that makes me happy, someone who has a more hedonistic lifestyle is still entitled to a view!

Thank you for all the replies. It's a 25 year who I've known for 9 months in the year above me. At one point I was close to him and in love. Then we stopped talking and two days ago I opened a can of worms by messaging him when I felt very down.

I just replied back with kaits "Good luck with that then". I don't want to a relationship even as friends where I wouldn't matter and could be discarded so easily.

I would reply with: 'so the love of your life ran away from you and you expect me to try and gain your approval? Nah bye'

Nice one OP.

Ah yes, holding out the unobtainable prize of "its not that I don't do commitment, its that YOU aren't trying hard enough/being good enough to get it from me like SHE was" coupled with the eternal "oh, I told you I was just looking for fun and you shouldn't have feelings so its your fault that you now do".

Utter wankbadger.

25?!

I was joking before, but what did you actually say to him prior to that message, OP??

Regardless, he’ll probably end up a very lonely old man with his attitude and personality.

I know I am just as bad as him.

In the previous message. He was nice about the fact that I contacted him.We talked about exams and I told him that I had moved on and that it didn't hurt me to talk to him anymore. That the main thing I had learnt from therapy was boundaries. That I also had broken up with my old best friends because I just grew tired of not being put first and mainly just being an after thought. That I thought by him holding back, he denied himself the opportunity to truly feel because he was afraid of being hurt. That pain taught us things. And that I think I would respect someone more for saying the things that were hard to say. And I ended with a poetry quote.

Orangecake You soppy thing. Did you have drink on board?

Unfortunately not, I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm naturally 100% like this without any alcohol. The first guy I fell in love with was emotionally abusive and he is the second boy I've been involved with despite being 26- so I'm still very new to this. The main thing we had in common was books and we bonded over our love of Orwell and Russian authors.

The quote was by Ginsberg after I heard it in a James Bay song:

"The weight of the world is love. Under the burden of solitude, under the burden of dissatisfaction the weight,the weight we carry is love."

I want to get married but feel like I'll never meet anyone.