Have you ever got divorced, with kids? Come here and help please!

[Mockingcrocs]

My husband is verbally and financially abusive. We are still together because of the children - I don’t eally trust him to make good choices for them, and he truly can’t see any damage he’s doing by shouting things like “your mother is a fuckwit” at our children, who are all primary age.

We are mid diagnosis/assessment with one of the children, for a developmental delay, and one is autistic, but instead of pulling together, he makes it harder.

I am scared about the following things:

1. he won’t move out of the house, and the children love it here

2. he will tell the kids all sorts of nonsense about how shit I am, and may turn them against me

3. I’ve hardly any ready cash to put my hand on to move out even if I wanted to

4. he’s got loads of money and I’m in debt and don’t have access to the families finances

5. how would it work re seeing the kids? If he got a flat, where would they stay?

I am shitting myself about it all. My husband has autistic tendencies and sees everything as black and white. We have almost split up before and he was advised to stay in the house, and has now taken that to be written in stone.

What do I do?

Anyone? He doesn’t drink at home but goes out drinking every other night, and has come home tonight and exploded as usual. I’m so so scared.

Call womens aid they will be able to help.

If he is abusive get a temporary non molestation order. He wont be allowed near you and if you live in the house he wont be allowed in it.
Use the breathing room ro work out a course of action.
Speak to a solicitor in domestic abuse cases you may be eligable for legal aid.

He would go absolutely mental if I did that. He isn’t violent but I’m scared of him.

Defo wouldn’t get legal aid.

Have seen a solicitor three tomes now but each time I chicken out from doing anything further and just get lost in the day to day grind.

How do you get through if they won’t leave?

Speak to Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
They can help you with local support services to help 'remove' him if necessary.
He is abusive.
You are scared of him.
You could have a chat with police DV team as well. Call the 101 number.
Also, if he is abusing you in front of the children then you could involve Social Services.
They consider this abuse of the children too.
Get some profession help around you and try to be one step ahead.

Firstly, you are staying with him for the children but he is emotionally damaging them. So that makes no sense. The situation is totally untenable and is making you all miserable.
In my experience, this type of man won't back down easily or move out without a fight. So just assume that fight will happen and will take longer than if two decent people had decided to part. Nonetheless, eventually you will be able to move on. It might be that a judge orders you to sell the house and split the profits. This still sounds preferable to what you are currently going through. It might be hard to imagine now but you and the kids will settle if you are happy. He will also be responsible for providing the children with maintenance. If you don't have access to funds now, you might be better off. All I would say is just get things started; the sooner you start, the sooner it will be over.