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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone fancy another "Am I being unreasonable?" thread?

26 replies

emkana · 11/08/2004 19:01

Hello all,
am p*ed off with dh, because tonight he didn't eat the stir fry I cooked - with a sauce we've eaten at least five times before, and he never complained about - but tonight he suddenly didn't like it.
This is not a one off, he quite regularly has times when he won't eat my dinner - but manages chocolate afterwards. He's a really fussy eater anyway - worse than my three-year-old!
Anyway, I reckon it's totally off because
a/ it's rude towards me because I made the effort to cook it
b/ it's a bad example for our daughters
c/ it's bad for him because he only eats rubbish at work, this is the only decent food he would get
d/ He's a grown man, not a pre-schooler

He thinks he shouldn't have to eat it if he doesn't like it, full stop.

What do you think?

OP posts:
aloha · 11/08/2004 19:04

I'm afraid I agree with him. If my dh cooks for me and I don't want it, I don't choke it down and would be absolutely appalled if he got stroppy with me for it. I'm an adult and if I don't want it, then I won't eat it! Actually, I wouldn't force a child to eat either. Sorry!

joanneg · 11/08/2004 19:05

I would stop cooking for him and tell him to cook for himself if he doesnt like it! I reckon that he will soon start appreciating your cooking.

hercules · 11/08/2004 19:06

Sorry, but i dont eat food if i dont like it. Like you say he is a grown man.

aloha · 11/08/2004 19:06

Just a thought, do you not discuss what you are going to eat or do you just make it and serve it? We always decide between us what we fancy that day which might eliminate the problem.

MummyToSteven · 11/08/2004 19:07

put his portion in the fridge for you for dinner tomorrow, make him get his own.

hercules · 11/08/2004 19:09

Good idea mts.

Original poster
emkana · 11/08/2004 19:09

I don't cook many things which I know he doesn't like. I told him today that I was planning to do a stir-fry, and he said "lovely" on the phone. And, as I say, he's eaten this particular dish before, without ever complaining about it.
And I don't force a child to eat either, but I do encourage to eat good things and not fill up on chocolate afterwards just because it might not be my favourite dish.

OP posts:
bundle · 11/08/2004 19:10

if he's like a 3 yr old, then no chocolate.

hercules · 11/08/2004 19:14

Surely it is his decision to eat healthily or not. If he wants chocolate that's up to him. I wouldnt worry about it tbh.

Welshmum · 11/08/2004 19:17

Well I think it's rude. If you spoke about it on the phone and he said lovely he should eat it and be very grateful to you for cooking it. The only excuse for not eating it is if he's ill.....is he ill?

aloha · 11/08/2004 19:22

OK, well if you discussed it I would be a bit disappointed if he regularly agreed on something for supper, but then didn't eat it. I do actually enjoy eating with my husband in the evening so I do also see your point.

hercules · 11/08/2004 19:24

Mind you I am a crap cook so it would be understandable if my dh didnt eat my food.

libb · 11/08/2004 19:28

Blooming men, speaking as someone who whose DP only eats meat, tatties and bread I can only recommend you sort yourself out first and let him stress about evening meals on his own - we do this a lot as I cannot be doing with oven chips 4/5 nights a week. That said I do butt in and try to do things that we both enjoy (things that could be considered a healthy halfway point) - and then give him a hard time when he gripes about the handful of veggies I sneak in!

Suffice to say that DS will not be taking after his dad.

jampot · 11/08/2004 19:34

I agree with you emkana to a degree - if he's had it before then he should have eaten it today after you had cooked it. DH isn't a fussy eater but prefers meat & 2 veg type of things and massive amounts of carbs (which I don;t agree with). Has been known to have fish & chips with a pie and bread & butter (!!!)DD is a seriously fussy eater and always has been plus she is virtually a vegetarian and I'm on a constant diet so I usually end up doing 3 different meals each night - so understandably would be pi**ed off if one of them didn't eat it.

Tinker · 11/08/2004 20:06

a) Yep, agree
b) Agree again
c) His choice sadly but must be very annoying
d) Agree. What the hell are adults doing being "fussy eaters"? Tell him to grow up or make his own

serenequeen · 11/08/2004 21:39

i'm with tinker on this.

serenequeen · 11/08/2004 21:40

dh normally cooks in our house. i would be ashamed of myself if i behaved like this with something he had cooked.

MeanBean · 11/08/2004 21:47

If he shouldn't have to eat it, you shouldn't have to cook it.

Unless you were going to cook it for yourself anyway.

Tanzie · 11/08/2004 23:16

If he won't eat it after you've made the effort to cook it, perhaps he'd like to wear it?

prufrock · 12/08/2004 13:52

Dh will sometimes agree to something then come home and say he doesn't fancy it, which I don't see as a problem - now that is a bit different to saying he doesn't like, and it all depends how he treated you - I would expect apologies from dh, and would never get him something different, but he is an adult and can make his own choices, including whether to eat chocolate afterwards, though I would expect him to wait until after kids were in bed - completely agree re the bad example. He should also say in front of them that he is not hungry - ie a valid excuse for not eating.

californiagirl · 12/08/2004 20:59

I would expect an adult to follow the same rules as a child: You don't have to eat food you can't stand, but 1) You must be polite about it (no whining "I don't like this" 2) There isn't anything else and 3) Food you don't prefer but can stand you should at least eat a minimal amount of, if you're hungry at all. Children may not have mastered this, but adults should have. It doesn't have to be the food you would have chosen every time.

Nobody should have to eat food they don't want, adult or child, but nobody should be allowed to be rude about it, and everybody should learn to eat things that aren't their favorite. I would almost never choose to eat mushrooms, or eggplant that hadn't been cooked to death, but if they come around when somebody else is cooking, I accept them.

However, given that he is a grown man and not a pre-schooler, if he chooses to eat rubbish, that's up to him. Being rude about your dinner and setting a bad example for the children is not; but what he eats at work is all his business, you're not responsible for making sure he eats healthily.

bran · 12/08/2004 21:23

Does he have a problem with is blood sugar levels emkana? If he's irritable and a bit irrational and craving sweet things he might have low blood sugar levels. Perhaps you could persuade him to have a medical check-up and monitor his blood sugar for a period. Hypo-glycemia is often a sign of susceptability to diabetes. Perhaps if this is the case a doctor might be able to shock him into improving his diet, which would in turn improve his behaviour.

sanssouci · 12/08/2004 21:39

My favourite comment on this thread is Tanzie's... brilliant. However, in a more moderate frame of mind, emkana's dh should at least be polite AND set a good example for the dds.

PotPourri · 12/08/2004 22:29

I'm with you emkea. My Dh does the same, and I think it is soooo rude that I go to teh bother of making food and he doesn't even eat it. He would eat pizza every night and be 40 tonnes and very unhealthy as he is a lazy so and so when it comes to cooking. If it is not nice, ok. But if htere is nothing wrong with it, I think it is plain rude. DH is getting better now, and does eat it unless he really doesn't like it. But I still feel bad at times when he doesn't thank me - makes me feel taken for granted.

I'm with you all the way. How would he feel if you didn't eat what he cooked, or is that something that doesn't happen....?

zaphod · 12/08/2004 22:37

My dh agrees with Tanzie and so do I. Normally my dh cooks and I often eat food that I don't particularly like. As long as it is'nt something I can't stand like celery, I can force it down. Anything else is rude, when someone has gone to the trouble of preparing something for you.

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