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Original poster

Body shamed at work

31 replies

Onlyme100 · 05/06/2018 20:44

I've lost weight through no choice of my own...just due to stress in the half term hols. I went to work and a colleague looked me up and down and said "your shrinking" and looked at me as if to say how pathetic. She repeated this a few times and I felt humiliated in front of the others. Info...I'm a 10 normally and now a size 8.5. How do you react to a comment like that? I didn't know what to say... My brain doesn't think fast enough. Need advice incase it happens again....thankyou

OP posts:
Barbaro · 05/06/2018 20:46

'You're uglier'.

'And?'

'thanks I like my new look, you should join a gym too'

Just some of the responses I'd have said.

userofthiswebsite · 05/06/2018 20:48

She was clearly giving you a compliment...
I'm sure you know that...

MMmomDD · 05/06/2018 20:52

OP - what size is that colleague?
You might be reading something into her comment that isn’t there.

I’ve heard such comments when I lost baby weight. And it was always from women who would like to lose a size or two, but can’t manage a diet, or exercise routine.

One called me ‘stick-thin’ - and I was a size 10 then. Hardly a sick.
Just my normal pre-baby size.
And she used to be the same size before kids too. But settled into size 14 after.

Most important thing is that you take care of your health.
Don’t worry what people say.

colditz · 05/06/2018 20:53

The most effective way to deal with someone behaving like that is to draw direct attention to how rude they're being.

so in response to "You're shrinking" you could say, at a very slightly louder than normal volume, "Why do you keep talking about my body? Please can you stop it?"

Barbaro · 05/06/2018 20:54

The woman who said it sounded rude from what the OP said. Like how dare the op be getting smaller. And why keep repeating it if it's a compliment?

reallybadidea · 05/06/2018 20:58

I get this kind of thing all the time. Went to a party on Saturday, saw a friend of mine and went up to say hello. I gave her a hug and said "you look lovely". She glared at me and said "you get skinnier every time I see you". I could have got offended but it's much easier to brush it off.

Barbaro · 05/06/2018 21:42

That's not a friend reallybadidea..

reallybadidea · 05/06/2018 22:29

Well I consider her a friend. I've known her a long time and she just has no filter and possibly high functioning autism I suspect.

OakIsBetterTho · 05/06/2018 22:32

What's an 8.5? misses point
I guess she's just rude. It's rubbish you felt upset by it tho.

MinnieMul7 · 06/06/2018 11:16

I get this a lot especially at work. I lost two stone quickly through illness and didn't ever put it back on. I get so many comments about it and I let it go over my head now.

mogratpineapple · 06/06/2018 11:17

Smile and say, loudly, "Thanks!"

RainySeptember · 06/06/2018 11:27

Usually people lose weight when they're intentionally trying to lose weight, so they're pleased when it happens and delighted when people notice.

I lost two stone a couple of years ago and got 'you're shrinking' and 'there'll be nothing left of you' and 'don't fall down any grids' and 'you're invisible when you turn sideways'. I loved it, and took it as a compliment and a morale boost.

It's rubbish that you didn't intend to lose weight, and that her comment made you feel rubbish, but I do wonder whether you're reading too much into her motives. I think I'd just have said the truth - 'yes I lost a bit of weight when I was ill recently'.

People don't see certain observations as rude I don't think - you're thin, you're beautiful, you're clever, you're talented, you're rich, all seen as complimentary and therefore fair game.

Chippyway · 06/06/2018 12:28

If you’d put on two stone OP your replies would’ve been different. Slim women aren’t allowed to complain about body shaming as much as fat women Confused

Next time she says it say “thanks, and you’re ballooning” - she won’t say anything again!

I would NEVER comment on somebody’s size whether they’re small or large. However when somebody does comment on my petite frame in a way that’s not complimentary I respond in exactly the same about their build.

I know how you feel OP. I would be a millionaire if I got a pound for every comment. It seems as if small people should take it as a compliment when something is said, yet if a fat person is body shamed it’s a whole different story

StormTreader · 06/06/2018 12:31

"Thanks - let me know if you want any tips!"

Empathfreak · 06/06/2018 18:11

I've had this my whole life as I'm tall and skinny and it's got worse after having my second. I've yet to find a suitable response that doesn't make me sound like a bitch. So you have my sympathies op.

Original poster
Onlyme100 · 07/06/2018 19:43

You have made such an important point 💗

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 07/06/2018 19:46

Jealous women often like to disguise their feelings as 'concern'.

dangerrabbit · 07/06/2018 21:01

Say “thank you” - but give her a steely-eyed glare.

Timefortea99 · 07/06/2018 21:12

I have recently lost 30 pounds. I lost it really slowly so people have only just started noticing, I do not talk about it, nobody would know I had been laying off treats and doing a lot of walking, I just did it over a long period of time. I now look healthy, not gaunt, and I probably could lose another stone but I have had a few “comments”, all from women, some of which do not normally talk to me. Along the lines of, don’t lose too much, you don’t want to disappear! Said in a faux concerned way. I want to say something back along the lines of not once have you ever responded to an hello and yet you want me to take health advice from you - or, you take care of yourself and I will take care of me. But I have bitten my lip so far. Women have a problem with other women losing weight, not sure why, but it is a thing.

sparklepops123 · 07/06/2018 21:15

“You’re shrinking “ - yeah shame your mouth isn’t !

Thinkingofausername1 · 07/06/2018 21:24

I'd say, funny you look four stone heavier 😂

NoMoreCricketDartsOrFootball · 07/06/2018 22:44

I hate how it’s ok to body shame women for getting thinner. I’ve had “Oh my god, go eat a burger or something!” in a derogatory tone from a female manager, in a meeting. Makes me livid.

SlimGin · 08/06/2018 01:17

When people make these comments about weight loss it seems to almost always be jealousy talking. It's a shame that people can easily comment on people's bodies without being asked, and especially in a working environment.

Heatherjayne1972 · 08/06/2018 06:48

Speaks volumes about our culture doesn’t it
This is beautiful therefore if a woman looses weight she is an object of jealousy from other women who can’t/won’t:/ haven’t lost weight
I had the same lost a lot of weight when my marriage broke down
My response was a steely look and a comment about ‘yes this is the stress diet- want to swap?’

SoapOnARoap · 08/06/2018 07:58

She sounds jealous.

There are such double standards when it comes to weight. If you’d said the reverse to a fat person, you’d have probably been reported to HR.

Try not to let her own insecurities, get to you OP Flowers

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