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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

siblings infertility and I'm pregnant

35 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 05/06/2018 13:04

I should start by stating clearly I am incredibly sympathetic to her position. It must be incredibly difficult and telling her I was pregnant was hard for us (esp as I never really wnated children).
Initially she was quiet and withdrawn which I understood and sometimes snappy but again understandable.
Now I've reached full term almost and am huge and really struggling due to pain/sleeplessness and the heat. She has changed and is downright aggressive /being rude.
She keeps telling me how lucky is am and I shouldn't moan. I know this, I do, but am exhusted. She sent me a page long message at seven am saying im lazy and not doing enough around my own house and garden or supporting my mom/dad with their house enough. I physically can't do hard gardening like cutting down hedges etc at the momment. My house is clean but not spotless as again I get so tierd. I can do it after bbay but not in my current giant whale state as can't reach floors etc.
My partner has offered to take my dad out for some days as he can't drive at the momment but again I'm limited as to what I can do to help. My partner also is annoyed as he would be happy to help but hasn't been asked.
She also told me she was going to be godmother as she can't have a kid as that's what she needs to be okay with it IE my baby. I was going to ask both my sister's anyway but now I'm uncomfortable as she's being nasty.
Again I should add she's started another round of treatment so is on massive amounts of hormones and stress. I really do appreciate how difficult this is but I have no idea what to do to try and help or minamise the emotional damage.
Anyone here been through this and got any advice?

OP posts:
shammy1b · 05/06/2018 16:16

seriously so.now your supposed to not EVER say anything about your baby or pregnancy because she has fertility problems..
So her begrudging you aint harsh..erm...ok...fuck that and anyone trying to make you feel bad..enjoy your pregnancy away from spite.
No excuse for her to snap and be nasty..standard.

PuellaEstCornelia · 05/06/2018 16:35

I'm sorry I think your sister is totally out of order. Very sad for her, but she's totally raining on your parade and that is so selfish. And before anyone starts, I know what I'm talking about; I had four miscarriages after 24 weeks. I delivered a still born son, and two days later my sister-in-law had her beautiful much longed for baby girl. How could have I ruined that lovely moment for her ? Nearly broke me putting on a happy face and picking up that little girl, but I'm glad I did it, for them but also for me. Everyone tip-toeing round me wasn't actually helping, nor is encouraging anyone to think their emotions trumps anyone else's.
Could you possibly speak to your Mum and see if she can broker a truce? Get her to back off a bit?

Spanglyprincess1 · 05/06/2018 16:42

Yeah I talked to my mom as I had a 36week scan today so was updating her- baby health reasons but it went okay and was generally good news. Prob why I was so emotional this morning tbh and may not have reacted as well as I could have.
My mom dosnt know what to do either and is worried about my sister. She is going to talk to her (not about this just a how are you coping type chat).

OP posts:
shammy1b · 05/06/2018 16:42

PuellaEstCornelia Flowers

shammy1b · 05/06/2018 16:44

Good idea Op. x

tinkerbellax · 05/06/2018 16:49

I don't think you should keep a low profile at all. I understand that your sister is upset but that's not your fault.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and rest.

FrancisCrawford · 05/06/2018 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gottokondo · 05/06/2018 17:36

Can you avoid her physically for the last weeks? Just have normal whatsapp conversations? I get where she is coming from (although I think she should tone down a little). I have told friends in the past that I am not the right person to moan too. Of course it is natural to want to moan about stuff (and it bonds with other mums) but I would happily throw my guts up for nine months to keep a pregnancy. Although I'd be sure to moan too. Grin. She should give you some slack for talking to other people about your pregnancy but I don't think that there is a nice way to say that without it causing drama. So trying to keep your distance might be the best thing for now.

Try not to react, have a nice moan to your friends and good luck in the last few weeks.

NewStartNow · 05/06/2018 19:20

I think your sister is really out of order. I have been in her position and hid my jealousy and was happy for my sister.
You wouldn't accept behaviour or comments like this from a friend so there is no reason to accept them from your sister.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 05/06/2018 21:26

You are trying to be supportive to your sister, but she is in no way being supportive to you. It's sad that she's suffering fertility problems and but she is being incredibly selfish. I actually agree with the previous poster who said she needs to be told to stop being toxic or she won't be a godmother. Put yourself and your baby first, you don't need this stress.

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