Language barrier

[NorthernBollox]

I've been online dating for a few months now and have met a guy who is very attractive, fun, smart and attentive. We've been on a good few dates and he's really thoughtful and kind.

Only problem is a possible language barrier. He's not from the UK but was educated to masters level in engineering here and works in the field in a great job so does have a high level of English in that context and in writing but conversationally just isn't as fluent. It seems to limit what we can discuss slightly and humour/ unexpected turns in the convo don't really flow.

I speak several other languages but have no knowledge of his although I would be willing to try and learn if we got serious. I learn a language for work though already and realistically am unsure of how fluent I would become in his language. Don't want to sound as though I'm blaming him, I've just had no reason or opportunity to learn it so far (we're in the UK).

Do any of you wise ladies (or gents) have any experience of a relationship where you've been able to build on an initial lack of easy communication and a shared fluent language? Or, although he is nice, should I cut my losses? In depth conversation is one of the most important aspects of a relationship for me (not necessarily always the profound issues but just friendly debates, shared jokes and chat).

Thanks!

Or do you have any tips to work around the issue, I should've said!

What language does he speak? Do you speak anything similar?
It sounds like you have an aptitude and enjoy learning languages so what have you to lose? Free language practice to be gained.

His main language is Tamil, which actually really interests me and I'd love to learn it!

Only thing is, I'm 32 and I'm starting to feel hyper aware that I don't have forever to have kids (I know I have a good few years yet but not decades). Just don't want to invest a lot of time in getting to know someone if it won't lead anywhere! Argh.

Oh, no I don't speak anything similar unfortunately.

Yes I dated a French engineer living in the UK last year and found his written English very good and technically his English was excellent but conversation was tricky. Whilst I can get by in French I don’t have nuance and lose words often.
We got by with a mixture of franglais and google translate when something came up we neither of us could explain in the end it faltered because he didn’t understand my humour and I had to be very careful not to bandy about jokes that might be taken the wrong way if misunderstood.

I eventually told him that we weren’t finding the rapport that I need for a proper relationship which was a shame, but there you go.

Hopefully you’ll find it easier than I did!

Nandri

Romba nandri

Thanks TS, sorry to hear it didn't work out.

I get the impression this guy is quite laid back (and has quite an inclusive sense of humour even though he doesn't always 'get' my jokes, e.g. his favourite tshirt reads 'if found return to pub' ) so hopefully causing offence shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Being a foreigner myself, (educated outside English speaking country) I'd reflect more on the cultural differences.. There are so many even between England and France, Italy or US! We're still learning.. It might be more difficult to communicate and understand each other in this regard.

If he's planning to stay in the UK I believe it would make more sense for him to get some English/accent classes rather than you learning a new language? although if you'd like to have kids they might be bi-lingual and I'm sure you'd like to understand what are they're taking to daddy about ;)

OP - it’s less a language issue and more background/similar cultural references issues.
Even if you met a perfectly fluent in English person with no common cultural references - you’ll have the same issue.

So - what you do depends on you, really. Either you would find it interesting to learn about him, his culture, his background -
And vice versa - he’ll be as interested in learning about yours.

Or - you’ll find it to be too much effort.
It can go either way. I think - just by the way you sound - it’s not your cup of tea.

Like others said, the cultural differences might be too much.

You said Tamil, is he from India? Does his parents expect him to marry someone they choose for him?

The point about cultural lack of common ground is an interesting one, however it is something that i do enjoy, getting to know another culture or area through a friend or partner. We have started showing one another about our respective backgrounds, starting with food and music etc. I've also been doing some reading about his home region.

I have been here before and really got to know my ex's country, language and culture and didn't find it onerous at all. His English was a lot more fluent though to start with so there wasn't the problem with communication that concerns me here.

Yes he is.

He has said that his parents would not have a problem with him choosing a partner himself

Been with my Spanish partner a year. He speaks good English I speak no Spanish. It took a while for him to get my dry humour, and sometimes I have to think about whether I want to embark on a conversation about something as quite often it takes a while for him to understand. I confess I get more frustrated than he does. I love that he is from a different country, we have a lot in common also: I wouldn’t swap him!