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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I’ve done it and I’m terrified.

32 replies

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 05/06/2018 05:42

So last night I ended my relationship with my partner of 4.5yrs, it’s done, no going back and I feel like the worst person on the planet.
We have a 2.5yr old son together and I don’t even know where to start in terms of separation.
I am completely numb after 4yrs of lies, emotional abuse and manipulation, I feel nothing but guilt for taking my sons father away.
OH is in bits, can’t even talk to me, was talking about suicide last night.
How the hell do you start to move forward from this?

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 05/06/2018 18:36

If there is no legal contract about that money you don't owe him anything.

This is just devious.

Give him back his deposit, plus is share of the equity so far. I'm assuming he's been contributing to the mortgage?

Be fair financially.

The end of the relationship...doesn't mean he doesn't see his son.

Original poster

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 05/06/2018 18:53

I have every intention to give him back what he’s owed, I’m selling one of the properties to enable this.
And I have absolutely no intention of denying access to his son but when he is in a state and behaving inappropriately in front of his son, then he needs time away to sort his head out.

OP posts:

OldHag1 · 07/06/2018 07:35

Well done. It seems you’ve had enough and I don’t blame you. Stick to your guns but please get some legal advice. If his credit is bad and if your credit is linked it will have an adverse effect on you. Don’t give him a penny until all joint debts are sorted make sure nothing can come back to haunt you.

Good luck - carry on being strong.

Cambionome · 07/06/2018 07:56

Well done. Get legal advice asap, and whatever you do, don't take him back.

HollyGibney · 07/06/2018 08:03

Tbh I would use the money you owe him to keep him in line. He's going to need and want that back and of course the right thing is to give it to him. Doesn't mean you can't hint that the more difficult he makes this, the longer it might take for you to get the practical stuff sorted.

Original poster

Notsleptin2wholegoddamnyears · 07/06/2018 08:14

Thanks everyone, I’ve been staying at my parents but came home last night. He is understandably upset but has been refusing to talk to me about anything.
I made him confront the situation last night, it was very tough but I know what I want (or don’t want) and I stuck to my decision and he is moving out tomorrow.
I am putting the rental property on the market today and will give him everything he is entitled too plus I’m signing one of the cars over to him.
I feel like crap as I’m regards to our son but I know this is for the best and have reassured my ex that he can see and have his son whenever he pleases.
Here’s to a fresh start......bloody hell! I didn’t think I was strong enough to see it through x

OP posts:

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 07/06/2018 09:19

You are a total inspiration op, well done!
Really wish more women were as decisive as you.

You may well feel guilty right now but make sure you don't fall into the trap of giving him more than he is owed financially. He will probably bombard you with the guilt trip but only give him what he contributed and not a penny more, he is a grown man who can take care of himself, you have your son to consider so be very shrewd with YOUR finances.

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