Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH can't stop talking about female boss!

36 replies

Gloria101 · 04/06/2018 23:21

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm sure someone will point me in the right direction if it's not.
I'm looking for an impartial view on whether I'm being unreasonable or not.
My DH can't seem to stop talking about his boss (who's a woman), it has been grating on me for a year at least. Last September he came in from work and in the course of an hour had mentioned her name 30 times (Yes I kept count!).This also coincided with spending more time at work and even joining the gym at work on Saturdays. Last October it got the better of me and I told him that constantly mentioning his boss was getting me down, he got angry and said I was accusing him of being unfaithful and I was obsessed etc, I let the subject drop as I didn't want the confrontation but the references to his boss soon started again (the most irritating was three minutes after I got in from work and sat down!). At an event a month and a half ago I noticed he couldn't stop sneaking a look at his boss when he thought I wasn't looking and tonight he asked if I minded if he went to a dinner party for the various heads of dept! Another argument broke out and I pointed out I'd seen him keep looking at his boss, he glossed over this while getting angry that I was accusing him of being unfaithful etc ........ Am I being paranoid or do I have good reason to be suspicious of him?

OP posts:
shammy1b · 04/06/2018 23:26

suspicious..he sounds a wanker if you told him and he stil carries on.

he prob just has a crush but still a piss take.

SandyY2K · 04/06/2018 23:27

Sounds like he fancies her. What is he actually saying about her. Is she single?

Do you work? Do you talk about colleagues? Maybe give it a try...especially male colleagues or friends.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 04/06/2018 23:36

Hi Sandy, yes I work but to be honest I don't really talk about work much as I'm not one to relive my day if you know what I mean. His boss is married but he mentioned her husband is a bit loony tunes! (Her husband started off being a lovely chap in our early conversations but appears to not be anymore).

OP posts:
Original poster
Gloria101 · 04/06/2018 23:38

That was what I thought to begin with Shammy1b now I'm not so sure!

OP posts:
DashingRed · 04/06/2018 23:42

Oh great, so you dare to point out that it's starting to piss you off (quite rightly) and he turns it around so that you're the one who's obsessed?

What a tit he is.

Just tell him, you have no interest in hearing about his boss. If he's that desperate to talk about her, he can go and have a conversation with the mirror.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 04/06/2018 23:53

Thank you DashingRed, apparently I'm stopping him being himself if he feels he can't mention her, apparently he's been trying not to and it's hard not be able to talk about his day like normal people do and that's my fault!

OP posts:
shammy1b · 05/06/2018 00:10

do what sandy said and see how he likes it..

defo mid life crisis and crush even possible affair hun and im fuming for you..dont let him turn it round on you the cheeky shit..

cannot believe he said all this and blatantly licks her ass..i swear people like this need to be treated the same.

DashingRed · 05/06/2018 00:12

Fucking hell Hmm

There is nothing normal about mentioning your female boss 30 times in as many minutes. He knows he is wrong but is just burying himself in justification. I really hate that.

Mind you, if he's going to be such an insensitive arse, play him at his own game. Are there any nice men at work you could start talking about? If not, just invent one.

shammy1b · 05/06/2018 00:12

what winds me up is he knows you get upset and still rants about her and i know it makes you feel like he comparing you babes but he aint..he just sees lust like most fickle twats.

really hope he says sorry and changes.Flowers

shammy1b · 05/06/2018 00:13

also do what dashing said lol x

SandyY2K · 05/06/2018 00:15

So his boss talks about her husband to him then? Since he's suddenly become a loony.

I'd just get up and walk away if he carried on...or put on some headphones.

I don't talk about colleagues with DH tbh. I may mention them to my Dsis...and she does the same.

If he went on about a female colleague id tell him he sounded obsessed and hope other colleagues hadn't noticed too , especially as they're both married.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 00:21

Thank you ladies your replies are really appreciated, I thought it wasn't me but he has a way of convincing you it's YOU that's being unreasonable not him!

OP posts:
DashingRed · 05/06/2018 07:54

No, it really isn't you. I think you need to be really assertive with him and tell him that it's not about jealousy on your part, nor are you 'stifling' or 'controlling' him - but you simply find his conversation boring and irrelevant so can he change the subject and perhaps talk about something you can both engage with.

If he continues to do it, I would just flatly say that you have no interest in listening to in depth stories concerning ANY of his co workers and then just get up and leave the room.

What is he like in other areas of your life?

BrownTurkey · 05/06/2018 08:24

‘You’ve got mentionitis, its embarrassing and its grating on me’. Fwiw it is often fairly harmless - you might need to worry more regarding infidelity if he stops mentioning her now.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 05/06/2018 08:33

He has mentionitis, and it’s funny how when you told him he talks about her too much he jumped immediately to ‘I haven’t been unfaithful stop accusing me of being unfaithful’ Hmm kinda like when you look at a child and don’t say anything and they immediately blurt out ‘I didn’t break the ornament!’ even though you never said anything about any ornament.

He definitely, 100% has a thing for her. Hopefully just feelings at this stage but he is into her. He doesn’t spend this much time on any of his male coworkers.

Sorry but I don’t think he respects you if he’s flaunting a new woman he has feelings for under your nose. The only reason he’d jump straight to ‘why are you accusing me of cheating’ would be because cheating is sadly on his mind.

chocatoo · 05/06/2018 08:45

Every time he does it you start talking about a male colleague in the same way. Failing that just change the subject, cut in and say something like ‘oh that reminds me....’ make sure you have loads of drivel that you can spout.
However, I think you might need to do a relationship check to ensure that you and DH are not drifting apart. At the risk of sounding like an agony aunt perhaps you should look at starting a hobby or something together so that he is more interested in you and not getting distracted.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/06/2018 08:57

Do you have DC together?
Because, quite frankly, he sounds like a total knob-head!

Mentionitis is the start of an affair in most cases.
Getting angry when challenged is another big red flag for cheaters.

I think you deserve better than this to be honest.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 09:18

Hi DashingRed, he's good in all other areas and we almost never argue etc but this one thing feels like it's going to be the self destruct button that leads down a one way path!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 09:24

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam, I get a little on co workers but most is about his boss or what his boss is doing, quite often I can see him stop and think just before mentioning her name and then carry on with the story just leaving out her name!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 09:33

Chocatoo, I have been taking the approach of trying to avoid all conversations relating to his work, last night he asked about going to this company dinner and I said "if you want to go go it's a free country" and that started another "you don't trust me you think I'm having an affair" argument. He said "I won't go then" I said fine whatever but I know he'll start the conversation again because he's desperate to go!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 09:36

hellsbellsmelons, yes we have two DC one of each, our DS is working and our DD is still at school. My DH is 47 maybe it's getting near the 50 year itch I hear people get?

OP posts:
qwertyuiopy · 05/06/2018 09:37

Do you know anyone from his work? If so, ask them if he does it at work. Tell him he’s a laughing stock if they say yes.

If he asks your permission (like you’re his mum) to go out again, say no. His reaction will say it all. Keep saying g no. See if he goes. He’s asking your permission to spend time with his crush.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 09:48

qwertyuiopy, I will definitely say no, it was really quite funny watching DH paint himself into a corner with "Well I won't go then" 😂 at least he can't say I said in last nights heated conversation that he couldn't go.

OP posts:
DashingRed · 05/06/2018 11:37

The thing is though, he could be banging on about Dave from Accounts and it would still be equally as dull and boring. Who wants to listen to that?

But the fact that he wants to talk so extensively about an attractive co worker of the opposite sex, doesn't really look good, does it?

So, he's either really dense and can't see that and it's all totally innocent. Or, he does fancy her but is trying desperately to project on to you, because he knows damn well it's wrong.

Either way, he's an insensitive knob head.

Original poster
Gloria101 · 05/06/2018 12:52

DashingRed thank you, he's an insensitive knob head really made me laugh 😂 ...
I suspect I'll get the what have I done wrong puppy dog eyes tonight 😟

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread