Opinions please - is my brother really in the wrong?

[Yacketyblah]

db and SIL have been together twenty odd years and have 5 kids. They live in France. Recently they have been having a bad time and SIL came over here for a while so they could have time apart and think things over.
Whilst she was over here my brother sent her a text message saying he wanted to officially separate (by text ffs).
Anyway, she quite rightly wanted to go back over to discuss things face to face properly. She got a last minute flight and turned up at their house to find him in the shower with her friend. The kids were all out being babysat by the friend's mother.
SIL is back over here now (with kids)and obviously very upset.
There's a lot more to it - my SIL had suspected something was going on but had been told she was being paranoid.
My brother insists he's done nothing wrong as he had told sil it was over.
I think it was really inconsiderate of him to jump into bed with this woman so soon after he had ended things with sil - I don't really accept that a text message after twenty odd years cuts it for such a big decision ether. Actually I'm quite ashamed of his behaviour.
I guess I'm just interested in other people's opinions. Do you think he did anything wrong?

Yes he is in the wrong. Shocking behaviour. How thoughtless, inconsiderate after 20years it's especially bad and the fact he had her mother looking after the children while he was at it and it was with her friend. What a complete xxxxxx

(sorry i know he's your brother but i'd be livid)

is your brother 40 by any hcance?

Poor woman. What is she going to do? Did they get married in France?

He's a bastard, btw.

Thanks lovemygirls, I am livid, I really don't want to face him at the moment and I'm so glad he lives so far away!

LOL Cod - he's 39 this year. Why couldn't he just get a porsche?

sounds a bit too convenient - he wanted a shag, they were having problems, he texts dw and lo and behold, suddenly it's ok for him to bonk ow.

yes, shocking behaviour. sounds like a 5 yo.

He's wrong. He knows it too - hence the text. Trying to salve his conscience so he can say that they were officially seperated.

Your poor SIL.

She will need a French lawyer - the last thing she wants is to be done for abducting kids.

what a bunch of cliches - dumping wife by text and in the shower with the best friend
He is a ** and it has probably been going on for ages so yes he has done a lot wrong
Hope the kids and your SIL are ok - awful situation

Appauling behaviour. Its something you'd expect a teenager to do not a 39 year old. Very obvious why he sent the text now isnt it.

Your poor SIL. Does she have any plans as to what to do?

I'm so proud of SIL - she is carrying herself with so much dignity I can't believe it - she's really taking the high road - so concerned that we don't think badly of him and insisting the kids keep in touch with him. She left him in France on good terms actually. She's doing so much better than I would.

She's strong in the fact that she definitely doesn't want him back. She's getting things sorted over here now, house, money etc..

It has obviously been going on longer-how else would they have able to organise the babysitting with friend's mother? Not the sort of thing you can organise on the spur of the moment- "Mum, I fancy a quick shag with my friend's husband, can you look after his kids while we're at it?".

It seems as if the mother is in on it all!

ggg - he did withold the passports for a while but they sorted it. They got married over here 18 years ago - have only been in France for 5 years. You're all right - he is behaving like a child. I'm angry with him and so upset because I just can't believe he's done it. I never would have believed it of him.

tissy - you've got it. My sil is convinced this woman and her mum are manipulating db for their own ends (he's a bit of a jack of all trades and has done lots of work on both their houses). The so called friend has a daughter who apparently has already taken to calling my db 'daddy'.

I would be so angry! What an arse! How inconsiderate. He should have at least had the balls to finish with his dw face to face. And the 'friends' mother looking after the kids ffs!!! very very wrong!

His balls would be pancakes by the time I finished with em!!

Lol! my sil is a little battler and he did indeed get a slap round the face AND a kick in the bollocks.

The 'friend' got told she was a worthless piece of shit who wasn't worth going to prison for assault for.

Like I said, I'm so proud of my sil.

Good on her! Im glad she gave him a kick in the unmetionalbles! Very well deserved!

She is very lucky to have a supportive sil like you!

Db is a complete arse. I'm sure the divorce courts will disagree with his claim that he did nothing wrong. I don't know whether it is different in France but in the UK you can claim a further 20% of the estate if you commit adultery. Last year some friends of ours split up and the male friend got fleeced because he was caught in bed with someone else even though the relationship had ended 1 month prior to this.

nogoes that is interesting, may be worth mentioning to sil as they have already discussed halving the proceeds of the sale of their house.

Thing is, she's being very reasonable with him and may not want to rock the boat too much for the sake of the kids.