Hi everyone.
This could be a long one and if anyone reads it all, then thank you. If you offer me any words of wisdom, then, an ever bigger thank you, from me to you.
So I have been with my partner for 6 years. He is 8 years older than me and we got together when I was as just 18. We have two children together, a girl (4) and a boy (3 months).
After having my daughter I was determined I would not have any more children, at least not with her waste of space dad. Well, that didn’t quite work out as planned ha. I was blackmailed into having sex with him so I could attend a meal and a few drinks with my friends, and I ended up falling pregnant from that one time. I really would not change a thing about either of my children though.
However, my partner is just horrid. He does absolutely nothing to help around the house or with the kids. We both work full time, well, I have my own shop and a very successful online business, so arguably I am always working. Yet I couldn’t tell you the last time he tidied up, cooked or even did anything that wasn’t sit on his xbox and ignore the chaos around him.
I really want to leave him. I am absolutely not in love with him and haven’t been for a very long time. I feel as though he’s stolen so much of my life already. But yet I just can’t muster the courage to leave?
We own our home, both on the mortgage and I actually paid the full deposit so in that sense and the fact the children would reside with me I assume that I am entitled to remain in the family home? I’m not evil and if I had the spare money I would leave and he could have the house. We started off with absolutely nothing and I wouldn’t ever want to put him in that position again as it was tough. But then what do I do? Most of our finances are entwined and it’s all a bit messy. He doesn’t take me seriously when I ask him to leave or tell him it’s over. Just says if I feel that strongly to leave myself.
He uses the children against us breaking up saying it wouldn’t be fair on them, but I don’t think it’s fair to teach my children that our relationship is meant to be ‘love’. It is anything but that.
He’s a crappy father and even his friends knickname him the ‘iPad dad’ as his parenting involves handing my daughter an iPad and ignoring her for the rest of the day. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t trust him to properly take care of them in my absence as more times than I’d like to admit he hasn’t fed her all day (baby boy never been left as he’s exclusively breastfeed).
His physical touch actually repulses me. All he does is put me down and say things like ‘you could never have the confidence to be naked with someone else, look how ugly your stretched marked belly is’.
But I’m terrified of leaving. What if there’s no one else out there for me? Or what if I reach this stage in most relationships and I’m seeking something that doesn’t exist? I don’t know. I just want to be happy. Sorry, I realise this is more a rant than anything else. I just keep it all bottled up, everyone thinks we lead this perfect life together when we absolutely don’t. x