I had a pretty crap relationship with my ex, and after a pretty traumatic break down and learning a LOT about red flags and so on, i feel much better prepared to only accept a decent relationship.
I met someone who i really like, great match personality wise, and I think there is a good chance we will be together for a long time in a committed relationship. Possibly with more children. Things are progressing naturally, but we are getting to the stage where giving him a key to my place wouldn’t be silly. I was really taken advantage of in my last relationship and I don’t want to do this again. Please can you advise me on what I need to talk to partner about before we get more committed?
Situation:
Me: single mum with care 95pc of the time, live in a house in expensive part of London partially funded by (very high) maintenance from child’s father, plus I’m about to start a very well paid job. Saving for a deposit to buy, will definitely be in london. I currently pay all bills, food, fuel childcare etc at my home. I take the view that boyfriend is visiting me and is a guest - he picks up groceries, dinners days out etc. with no complaints.
Boyfriend - single dad to 3 kids, has them 5 nights a fortnight inc. EOW. Pays maintenance and is a good dad, not just a Disney dad. Kids live about 1 hour train away from London, and he currently rents a house near his kids, I’m always a welcome visitor but I can’t go often due to work and childcare commitments. He had a good saving pot following divorce. In the long term he will need a place near his kids’ school. Current self employed and works from home 3/4 days a week, and often that is at mine
I should add my rent is probably 2/3x his given size of house and location.
Ideally, if everything works out, we would have a place in London and a place near his children, and we would go back and forth for weekends. currently he stays 4/5 nights a fortnight.
We’ve been together about a year. I know this is early, and I’m not in a rush. He has asked if he can buy a computer to leave at mine to do his work, which makes me think we are getting to a more serious place. If he’s planning to be here half the time then we need to figure bills rent etc...
Sorry if this is a bit rambling - I would really value any thoughts/pointers/red flags.