He hits me and I want out

[calisoke]

The problem is, I don't want to leave the children alone with him either.

Women's aid say I have to.

Is there no way round this?

I’m sorry you are dealing with this OP.
Women’s aid can’t possibly advise anyone in a abusive relationship , that they have to leave children behind?
If you are in a abusive relationship, I’d say report him .thats the best way to get him to pay for what he’s done and to also guarantee he has less access to your kids.
Plus if you are married and he gets taken into custody for questioning he’s the one who will need to move out , not you.

Please seek legal advice for this OP . 💕

Women's aid say I have to.

Are you sure? That makes no sense to me at all. Do you mean that they don't currently have space in the local refuge for women with children but only women on their own?

Sorry, I didn't make much sense. Women's aid have told me dh is entitled to share custody of the children from the marriage.

Yes, that's right: the children's contact with their father (including overnight stays if appropriate) is handled completely separately from your divorce and separation.

HOWEVER those arrangements will take into account any abuse of the children by their father, etc. Remember that in the UK it's always handled from the perspective of what benefits the children, and not some mythical "rights of the parent", since Children Act 1989.

I know someone going through this at the moment. The DV was witnessed by the children, so the children's contact with their father is always supervised and has been arranged at a contact centre most of the time.

Is any of the violence on record? It would be worthwhile your speaking to the police if you can - otherwise to your GP or HV if the police feels like a step too far at the moment. Without evidence of abuse you will not be able to prevent his seeing them, and yes on his own.

Women's aid say it's me who is being hit not the kids so he gets them - I just wanted to check that was definitely correct.

It's possible/likely, particularly if you haven't reported the abuse to the police.

But that's a question for the future. What matters at the moment is keeping you (OP) and your children safe. One step at a time. Are you safe today?

(that is, it's possible/likely he would get unsupervised contact but also most likely you would be the RP and he the NRP so you wouldn't be "losing" them)

You need to talk this through with a solicitor.

Can you talk to the police about this?

Yes, sorry, I should absolutely have said that you should definitely talk to a specialist solicitor as soon as possible. Get some experts on your side.

To be honest, there's no point in talking to anyone, if that's how it is I need to stay.

Yes he will get contact.

Go speak to a solicitor before deciding anything

Op

You can take your children and leave right now. WA are not the only DV support agency. If you google DV shelter and your area you will see.

These organisations can help to remove you and your children to a place of safety and help you transition from there.

Also your children’s school can help you and so can the police.

Yes it is likely your husband may be awarded contact with your children if he goes to court but also initially he won’t be able to contact you as you will be somewhere safe.

Is he also abusive to your children?

You could even call SS and they would also help you get away from him or help you have him excluded from the home.

You have so many options

Why?
Is he abusive to the DC?
Do you have to constantly keep the peace when he is with them?
Or is he OK with the DC?

Basically, keeping DC in an abusive home is actually considered abuse to the DC.
They are learning terrible lessons here and the cycle of abuse will continue.
With the boys maybe becoming just like their abusive father or the girls becoming just like their mothers, i.e. in your case, a victim of DV and DA.

How often does he hit you?
What does he do?
Have you taken photo's of previous bruising etc....?
Do you have any access to money?
Do you have family that would help you?

If you really want to start unravelling this then you are going to have to report this vile bully to the police.
That is your best protection right now.
You can go to the station and ask for the DV team and talk it all through with them before taking any action.
Social Services could also be really supportive for you right now.

You need out right now and you need to worry about custody once you are out.

So many options... Lol

None of them are ideal op but there is a better life waiting for you. You need to be courageous though.

These services exist to help people like you.

None of them took the decision lightly- they’d just had enough/were nearly killed/wanted to protect their kids

I agree that social services could really help.
It's better for children to stay in a stable home where they aren't witnessing abuse.

Lots of men who initially get contact don't bother to actually use it long term

He doesn't 'get them.' He very likely wouldn't even 'share custody'.

He will be able to expect contact with them - which is really quite different.

But the first step in giving yourself the power to minimise this contact or even possibly prevent it is to REPORT REPORT REPORT.

Report his abuse.

Has he ever made threats against the children to frighten you, keep you in line? If so - report.

What would happen if you left with the dc? He has no automatic right to them, any more than you would, and if abusive could well turn on them.