Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What should i do

11 replies

Aaliyahali · 04/06/2018 14:05

Met my boyfriend november 2016 but got with him in January 2017. A month into our relationship he asked me to stay round his house which was nearly everyday... ( eventually leading to moving in permantly). I was flustered and did so. I got pregnant 2 months after. April 2017. I was scared. (1st time pregnant). Up untill this time he was a nice person. We got on fairly well and liked that he owned his house and had his own business so young. I felt well surely he has his head screwed on and i wont have money worries as this was unplanned. Two months after that i had a misscarriage. He didnt seem to upset. He didnt even come with me to the hospital. I was devastated by what happened and felt so alone. But felt maybe he was trying to hide his feelings. Anyway... by this stage i couldnt stop thinking what my baby would have looked like etc. I wanted my baby back and therefore got pregnant again only 4 weeks later! . Funny thing is.. i never ever wanted kids. I wanted to do my career and move abroad. So when we first had sex (whic got me pregnant) i was insisting he wears a condom but he said no he belives it should be natural. Of course i bought the pill the following day but it failed obvioisly. Anyway during my 2nd pregnancy i was still working up untill week 33. I worked in london (where i used to live) and would drive back to his home everyday which totalled 120 miles a day. I was exhausted. I done all the cooking cleaning laundry. I occaaionally requested he wouldnt make so much mess as i was tired but told me cleanin is a normal daily part of life and i shouldnt moan as i aint the one paying the bills and his mortgage. He was slowly putting me down without me realising. I was a meat eater but wasnt allowesd to eat in infront of him or bring in the house and he turned vegetarian and would call me an animal killer. I wasnt allowed to be the faith that i was and would tell me i dont have a religion. He would tell me to be careful wjat i eat so i dont get fat. Told me because im from this origin i wouldnt understand certain jokes althoigh i am born in the uk like he is. Told me i was lucky to have him and would boast how good looking he was and how so many girls wanted him . Told me im thick stupid naive. Uses my past against me alot. Tells me i cant cook when i try. Never took me out so on his birthday i splashed out and bought him tickets abroad as je never went away before and while we was out there i couldnt wait to get back. He never makes me feel special ever. So here comes baby... she was born poorly. (Swollowed her mecomium) and was tranzferred to special care for over a week. I had to have an emergency section and couldnt walk for days so i couldnt visit baby as she had to go 2 another hospital. I only saw my bf twice while i was in hosp. I asked him for a kfc once baby came back to me and i finally felt like eating and he said just eat the hospital food its alright. Talk abou caring. Baby suffered colic when she got home and bein a first time mum and only carer i was going mart. Baby never slept once. I was sp exhausted. She is 7 weeks today and to this day he hasnt once changed her nappy or fed her or nothing. All he does he buy her milk and nappies and says his job is to provide whch he claims his doing. Im in some mina credit card debt of 1500. From buyinh his holiday tickets and spending on his vday present (i got nothing back) . He earns well and has recirved a £500K lump sum recently only to buy himself a new flash car. A gym room new clothes. A holiday for his dad. I have 5 pounds left and wont get my next maternity pay till 2weeks timw which is only statory pay. 140£ a week. My phone bill is paid and a couple other direct debits and petrol costs then my money is all gone. I even manage to spend abit on baby clothes. To think he could easy pay off my credit card which i cant pay due to interest charges. I also had to give up my financed car which i only had a few grand left on becUse i cant afford it. Mymum supprts me by taking care of baby once a week. Otherwise i would be depressed. I havemt met my boyfriends family yet. I feel i dont know him. He is annoyed tge house is messy and i dont cook because i litirally have to look after this consistently crying baby. I rarely even shower daily. I even lopked through his phone and found out he was cheating on me in the first 4 months of our relationship. I feel so devalued. I put him on the birth cert so i feel i cant even run away

OP posts:
Aaliyahali · 04/06/2018 14:18

He tells me he loves me everyday and then hugs me or pats my head. Feel like his just taking the piss ? He tries to have sex with me now but i feel sickened by him as i dont trust him and he doesnt support me.

OP posts:
MrsHappyAndMrCool · 04/06/2018 14:22

I really don’t know what to say Sad

Footballmumofthefuture · 04/06/2018 14:25

Walk away and claim CM.

Lilymossflower · 04/06/2018 14:27

THis is a man abusive relationship. Call women's aid and get advice and options for you circumstances.

You CAN leave and It will be the best thing for you and your child. I would suggest get a plan of action for leaving, (somewhere else to live etc) and then get a non molestation order in place that will stop him being able to follow you there, harass you etc.
because he is on birth certificate it is very important that you make the first court steps so the court will favour you as having ds best interests at heart 💗

Bless you have a chat with womens aid and other domestic abuse charities I'm your area they will help and should take you seriously xxx

Good luck xxx

Cricrichan · 04/06/2018 14:30

Leave him. See what you'd be able to claim.and he'll have to pay CMS too.

Aaliyahali · 04/06/2018 15:36

Itd not easy to leave with a baby.and no doubt would he let it slide that easy. He would prob try take me court as he has parental responsilbity. The thought of my baby leaving my arms to be under the care of his or another even for a day would kill me as no one knows her like me as iv been only 1 whos cared for her. Me n my mum. I just wonder if i will be in a worse postition trying to leave. I feel sick sharing the same bed and house as him. I feel completly worseless and wonder sometimes if its,all hormones and im being difficult. But i just feel i deserve better than this and worried 4 my future because of our baby. My choices are limited.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/06/2018 15:48

First of all, do NOT get pregnant again with this man. He is vile, uncaring and incredibly selfish. Can you talk to your Mum about the situation? Could you leave and move in with your Mum? He won't want full custody of your baby, it'll be too much hard work for him.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/06/2018 17:29

Move now to live with your mom. Recover from birth and get some rest. He is a horrible creep and please do not spend one more day with him or have your precious baby anywhere near him. Hopefully your dm is supportive and you can start again from there.
Do not discuss it with him. Just go while he is at work and take all your baby stuff. If you can't drive yet get your mom to come. I am really hoping you have a good family as you need one now. Come on here tomorrow and tell us you are gone.
I want to stress..DO NOT TELL HIM UNTIL YOU ARE AWAY AND SAFE.

Cricrichan · 05/06/2018 13:38

He's never changed her nappy nor fed her. I wouldn't worry about him wanting to care for her - those are just threats.

Aaliyahali · 03/07/2018 12:50

I finally got offered my Own place. Im staying there now and occasionly at his so he doesnt suspect iv left. (Thinks i stay with my mum couple times a week for help). I would love to be gone completly but him being on birth the certificate buisness scares me. Im here at his because i know he has equal parents rights and i know he will attempt something if i leave. Maybe not now but eventually. Im scared for my baby to be under his care evrn for a few minutes as his never had her for longer than that. I know once he takes her he will take her to his family houses. (People i havent ever met). Im basically sticking around because im scared to lose my baby. He has no idea how to feed or change her or care for her. He holds her like she's 4 year old. SheS only 10 week. I dont want to do no Court order becsuse his the 1 with the money and will turn better against me and try take custody or atleast take her on some days. I cant deal with the thought. From the day she was born she's been in my arms 247. When his back from work he talks her 4 a few mins and says things like 'do u love daddy? Is daddy ur favourite? Daddy loves u alot more than mummy' and when i try to take her because his housing her unsafely he walks off and tells me to shop hogging her. I feel trapped

OP posts:
Aaliyahali · 03/07/2018 12:52

Holding* her unsafely.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page