Helping DD19 get her mojo back

[happygoluckier]

Hi all. I'm looking for some advice on how to help my lovely DD21 get her spark back after a rubbish time.

She is at uni and had to come back early home because of her long-term health issues flaring up. She managed to do her end-of-year exams (don't count towards the degree thank goodness), the uni is aware of her issues and quite supportive but she is very anxious as she's worried that she won't get let back on next year. Luckily we have a fabulous GP here who really fights her corner but she is still waiting for various appointments to be confirmed (which is obviously quite demoralising in itself). She is looking for some part-time summer work, and has been offered a few exciting things but they have all fallen through, and a few she has been asked to work a 'trial shift' unpaid and then not hired. (I am also conscious of her pushing herself too hard with work when I want her to be healthy first and foremost).

She's also recently split up from her boyfriend of about 6 months as he had been cheating on her, which has left her heartbroken. Not the end of the world I know, but I remember feeling like it was at her age! She has some lovely friends but they are still at uni and her old school friends aren't back home yet/have full-time jobs so she is a bit lonely. Bloody Snapchat and Instagram don't help!

I am conscious of mollycoddling her and know that a lot of it is just unfortunately timed shitness, such is life and we have to keep on keeping on, and to be fair she is, I am very very proud of her. She is trying to keep positive but I can tell the combination of things is affecting her and she's not quite herself. I also want to recognise that she is an adult and independent, whilst helping her get out of this rut at the same time. My mum was very much the 'leave them to it' type, which toughened me up to no end but sometimes everyone needs their mum.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Oops - attempted to change age for a bit more anonymity which appears to have backfired! She is actually 19. Have reported

You sound like a great support to her OP she sounds a little bit like me when I was at uni!
Like you said, everyone needs their mum sometimes, and it sounds like she has a best friend in you.
I think just keep supporting her the best you can. Remind her how great she is, because this lad has probably knocked her down a little bit
I think you sound like a great mum

I had to reply as I was in a similar situation myself at uni- had a nervous breakdown in the middle of final year, took a year out to recover, and went back and finished off my degree.

It's an incredibly hard place to be, I stayed away from instagram. Personally what helped me was lots of psychotherapy (expensive but worth it as it meant I always had someone to help me plan what I needed to sort out and loads of support when things were going badly)- plus meds. Uni were really accommodating: I sat my exams in a smaller room with the option of taking breaks, I got extra time, and I had a lovely lecturer who used to come and check up on me.

Anyway is it possible your dd could do some v casual work, only a few hours per week? I did a bit of tutoring/ babysitting on my year out, a full-time job would sap her strength by the sounds of it.

I just wanted to reassure you (and dd) that no matter how catastrophic things seem, it IS possible to get through setbacks. Wishing you all the best, hth.

Thank you both for your replies, and for being so kind.

Yes, uni has been a tricky one! The central uni support services have been very good but her actual department has been very strict. I know they are an academic institution but they sometimes lack a bit of tact and compassion. Her MH issues are long-standing, she is very engaged in treatment so far, but she hasn't quite found the right one yet.

@nickinic yes, the boyfriend has really knocked her back quite a lot it was a bolt out of the blue. He'd come to ours in the holidays a few times and was very supportive of DD but has shown his true colours of late.. apparently there is lots of stuff on social media as he is now with the girl he cheated with, DD has blocked on all SM but has still got WhatsApp pictures/messages from them both in the past few weeks. She is dealing with it remarkably well - her words were 'sometimes it takes a piece of shit to remind you who you are' - but I can see it has massively knocked her self-esteem. Combined with not being at uni and constant knockbacks of job hunting I can see she's not herself.

@cutteduppears babysitting and tutoring are both great ideas, thanks! Especially with exam season. She has earned a bit of money through copywriting so far, though that has dried up a bit.