Could you get any more passive aggressive?
I had a doozy of one for 17 years. They start out seeveming easy going but that is so far from the truth. I have two amazing sons though so there is an upside. The trouble is that when there are children you are stuck with them.
He never contributed financially for the children and still doesn’t. Lives nearby with his mother. His mother cooks them dinner once a week and he takes one of them ( alternating) to Saturday sport.
At one point he decided he could no longer afford a car and neglected to tell me, leaving me to send my older son to his game in an Uber as I had no time to organise anything else. This despite the suburb we live in having car share cars on every fourth corner.
Anyway, once I knew I could carpool, do multiple trips and get it all done, though I couldn’t understand why he would give up one on one time with them and not great for the children.
Anyway, suddenly he can organise to hire a car. So I let him know when and where the games are when the details are finalised on Friday. He could look them up himself but doesn’t.
One Friday, send the details in the morning. Hear nothing. Send a reminder in the evening. Nothing. Son and I both try calling. Organise to take both boys and text him so. Finally calls son at 9.30 pm and says his sim doesn’t work.
Get this response the following Tuesday.
Sorry. Was working and didn't see tbe message. If they're both playing at M then that's fine, otherwise let me know and i'll hire a car.
My response:
As you would have your phone with you, know that basketball fixtures are finalised on Friday as per the previous week it would seem sensible to check rather than ring E at 9.30 pm when I had given you the details before 9 am with a different excuse that " your sim doesn't work". It will hopefully work out this week with their games at M but it won't be confirmed until Friday.
Then this:
You're right. The Sim wasn't the issue. It was my phone. That's why l borrowed S’s old phone on Monday. It didn't work either and l didn't find a replacement until Tuesday when l saw you're text. You're also right about me needing to check the fixtures myself.
In the future, I'll just assume that when something doesn't go right or to plan that my explanations will be automatically taken as excuses or lies. I'm not being combative or passive aggressive, just realistic about what you think of me and no point in thinking that will change.
Anyway, l have organised a car for Saturday. If the fixture has them both at M but at different times, l can take S or if E is playing elsewhere then it makes sense l drive S.
If they're both playing at M, I won't put them on the spot as to what they want to do. You can decide if you need an extra car for transport.
So I responded:
Reread what you wrote. "I was working and didn't see the message" wasn't true was it? If things go not to plan or wrong as an adult isn't it your responsibility to fix it and plan for it not to happen? One week you ring to find out times and the next don't respond at all leaving us completely in the dark as to what is happening?
And sent the time for the game. Guaranteed if I hadn’t I’d be “denying him the chance to see his children” and anyway he is a lousy irresponsible father but he is their father. Much as I would love not to have to deal with the crap and petty little control issues.