My girlfriend is telling me she feels down, and it’s making me feel down.

[Sallyjunior]

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year now, recently she has told me she’s going to run away from her home because her family life is not good. She doesn’t feel accepted in her house to be gay, or to wear boyish clothing, her mum is very strict and she doesn’t really get along with her mum. I have this feeling her family don’t like me either because everytime I got to her house no one says hello to me, I say hello to the mum and dad but it’s always awkward and I can’t really make conversation with them, her sister sometimes says hello but her brothers don’t acknowledge that I am there. She has told me she’s going to run away from home and I ask her why and she just says her family life is not good, and I told her to come to me so I know she is safe and she says no I’m going to run away and sleep outside and it sounds really immature and I don’t know how to help her and when she’s down or upset because her family I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to talk about her family in a disrespectful manor but I also want to tell her that her family are quite rude, but it’s not my place to say. I don’t know what to do.

That all sounds very difficult. How old are you and your girlfriend?

I’d start by saying you can see she’s not happy and asking her if there’s anything you can do that would help. It may well be there isn’t.

In the meantime you can encourage her to talk and whilst I know you don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone, it is possible to talk generally about what should be normal and acceptable behaviour towards her to help her to set up herself own boundaries and expectations.

Lastly, look for local groups in your area that can support people who aren’t heterosexual and offer understanding and share experiences. This could be the biggest key to her feeling supported and getting stronger. If there’s nothing locally the look online.

I am 20 and she is 18, she doesn’t have a lot of freedom in her house and isn’t allowed to go out a lot and has to sneak around to see me whereas I’m allowed to what I like because I’m an adult and my mum respects that.

Okay thankyou, I’ll talk to her about it and let her know something needs to be done.

I think Joysmum makes some really good suggestions.

I would add that, at 18, it's not really 'running away', more just 'leaving home'. I realise that it's not that simple but she can start planning to move out if she's not happy where she is, and maybe just having that focus might help her.