Can anyone tell me how they improved their life/bounced back from negative times?

[Tenpenny]

Been on my own for 2 years with young dd, spent the first 18 months getting through exdh's cruel behaviour towards me/making sure dd was emotionally okay/making sure i was financially okay/generally just going through the motions tbh.
Since the very end of last year/start of this one the dust had settled, and I started to think about me. I realised I had no friends (i have one, but i feel like i don't connect with her really now), no real interests.. Ive let myself go physically a bit but cant bring myself to care much. I dont value myself, i dont trust people and i dont know how to "start again". All i know is im getting older, i look at younger people in their twenties and envy them so much

Has anyone else ever been through this? How did you come out the other side?

I want friends, fun, to be amongst different people and eventually a good partner who loves me. I don't know how to get out of my head/crippling self esteem and trust issues!

What is it about a new country that is so appealing as a daydream? Can you work out how to recreate or find a link to that where you are (even in the tiniest way?) Eat the cuisine for a few days and have some fun with that? Read a book with that country as a theme? Find a scent or flower that reminds you of that country?

Prizeoik - have just printed your post :)

Avoid Facebook, my friends who are in the most miserable relationships seem to post their happy times there. It's a bit of a facade.

I agree with other ops about making lists. First appreciate how far you have come, a lot of people wouldn't have the strength to get out of such bad situations.

I try and appreciate the above, then try and have mini achievements. I did massive loads of decluttering which I think clears the mind. I got stuff fixed and sorted in my home that id normally have waited for my ex to do. I am working on myself in a nice way by trying to lose weight so I can get back my old glow, which includes taking better care of skin, hair etc. All these mini achievements do help you feel better.

tomato i think its the appeal of nobody knowing me and starting from scratch.

This is how I feel right now. I have friends but not ones I can call on last minute or in a crisis. My family are supportive but not loving. I’m single. My job is hard and stressful. Find me the nearest airport and I am gone!

Some great advice here. I did an Action for Happiness course last year, and since then have taken up mindfulness meditation. Helps a lot. All kinds of 'self-help' books in the library too. I have a great one on acceptance and commitment therapy.

I seem to bounce from negative to negative to be fair haha il never be one of those people with an easy life! I'm very strong for it though .

Only advice is re Facebook. IGNORE !! No less than 4 couples on mine this year with constant "my world" posts previously have split up this year . One after only marrying last year which looked Facebook perfect . I don't mean that to sound harsh, I'm obviously not pleased they are having a shit time just that it made me realise even more than I did that Facebook is utter bollocks mainly

You know it really does take a long time to recover from what you've been through. Yes you need to risk trying to make new connections but be so very kind to yourself