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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ahhhh please advise me what to do with dp

42 replies

milliemops · 03/06/2018 15:26

Been in a relationship with dp for a few years. Great guy I'm very happy, I have dcs with exh he has none. We do not live together and although recently he has mentioned he would like to rent his house out and move in with me I have said no. He is self employed so can work anywhere with his phone and laptop. So will spend 2-3 nights at mine and the rest at his house.

Recently he has been mentioning more about moving in with me and I've said no, I am happy as I am (recently bought a house which he has helped moving and decorating). This is my dcs home and don't want to move another man in. I am happy for dp to stay a few nights a week but not live with us. (Also being careful if dp lives with and contributes towards the house he could have a future claim on my property)

I was at his house last week and knocked some post over when picking up one was dated about 6 months ago and is a notice of execution of possession order from his mortgage company. I didn't say anything and later googled his address and can see on Rightmove a sale date of 2 months ago. I am guessing but know nothing about repossessing that he has remortgaged his house to avoid the mortgage company taking it- can he do this??

I feel he has kept this from me and lied. I now think he wanted to move in with me so badly in a bid to sell his house? (Even though he remortgaged it before I moved into my new house month).

Obviously he will not be moving in at any point, do I confront him about this and say I'm upset he kept this from me.

Can he remortgage his house after a notice of execution of possession order or can they still take his house?

I'm very confused Confused

OP posts:
Oddcat · 03/06/2018 17:18

Honesty is the best policy , he has been potentially dishonest with you and you don't want to be accused of being the same.

frasier · 03/06/2018 17:22

Has he got a family member he could have sold to?

Patty79 · 03/06/2018 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oddcat · 03/06/2018 17:26

Patty you might want to start a new thread Smile

RandomMess · 03/06/2018 17:28

Perhaps he sold it to one of those companies that you can the rent it off them?

RandomMess · 03/06/2018 17:28

Perhaps he sold it to one of those companies that you can the rent it off them?

another20 · 03/06/2018 17:34

Oh dear - I would be looking back on all of those recent "generous" helping with DIY and buying shopping incidents with a sinister eye now - desperate actions for cock-lodger in the making?

sugarnotsweetener · 03/06/2018 17:38

Agree with the PP’s who’ve said he’s likely to have sold to one of the companies that rent it back to you or maybe a family member. Only due to the fact that to remortgage the mortgage companies don’t like a late payment on a phone bill never mind getting to the point of repossession with another mortgage company.

I’ve seen the type of letters you’re talking about it literally says NOTICE OF REPOSESSION in big red letters, you don’t have to be reading it to see that. And then anyone who was worried about their DP would read the rest so I don’t see it as intentional snooping so hopefully he can see that too and be honest when you ask him.

sugarnotsweetener · 03/06/2018 17:39

@patty79 you need to start a new thread

Graphista · 03/06/2018 18:35

"Is it possible he’s sold it to one of those dodgy companies where you can then rent it from them after the sale again? They buy at bargain prices and take advantage of those desperate to sell." Exactly what I thought. I know someone who has done this (stupidly as didn't really need to).

He's not been honest with you about why he wanted to move in I think that's pretty apparent.

Cocklodger in the making indeed!

I had same experience as you with my ex (and wince every time I see 'but why not have completely joint finances, you're meant to be a team' aye until he runs off with all your money - or indeed she I'm aware there's a bias on mn and I've known of women do the same!)

Definitely an honest conversation needs to be had. Are you prepared to walk away if he isn't honest?

another20 · 03/06/2018 19:30

I would also suggest that this didn’t happen overnight - he would have been having serious financial difficulties for a significant length of time to be in the position he has got to right now.

Pinkyponkcustard · 03/06/2018 19:48

Agree, it literally takes months and months to get to repossession stage. Usually when a bank is able to take possession they would evict, make secure and then try to sell the property so I doubt very much that the property was sold by the bank with your partner living there.

Nubian22 · 03/06/2018 20:00

Hi milliemops,

I am an ex-financial adviser and have dealt with cases like this in the past. He can remortgage and get the possession order set aside.

I did this for a couple who were 5 months in arrears, I found a lender that would accept them. Got the judge to set aside the possession order with an agreed date for the remortgage. The new mortgage went through and they remained in their house. He had lost his job, so found himself in this difficult position.

I would be wary that he lied. He is obviously having financial problems and you don't need that right now!

Good luck

MumofBoysx2 · 03/06/2018 20:07

Ooh warning signs here, obviously. I definitely wouldn't make a decision to let him move in. You've been together for years and he mentions it now, just when he needs somewhere to live. If I were you I would politely sidestep any suggestions of getting together (don't mention you saw the letter as he might say you were snooping). It will all come to a head anyway pretty soon by the sound of it, and he will have to come clean. He hasn't been honest with you, so it doesn't sound a good basis for risking your financial security by letting him move in.

Cawfee · 03/06/2018 20:55

Be very very careful OP. If he’s in a bad way with money, he could be up to anything. Please protect yourself. Change all of the passwords on all of your accounts. Make sure all of your ID is secure when he is around (passport, bank info etc) what’s to stop him taking out loans in your name or store cards using your ID. Is your mortgage secure? There’s no way he can remortgage your property without you knowing? You should be very careful. It sounds far fetched but isn’t that what that guy on the news did to his girlfriend and then killed her. I’ll try and find the news link for you. People can be capable of anything when money is involved. He’s hidden his troubles from you so he’s deceptive and a liar already. Protect yourself.

another20 · 05/06/2018 22:55

Hi Millie - how are you doing?

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