Been with my partner (we are both 47) for 3 years (don’t live together and no kids together).
I quickly realised when I met him that he was emotionally quite cold and stoic but this was refreshing after the possesive, controlling and claustrophobic nature of my ex.
The fact that he was only free to spend time with me every other weekend (he has his dc eow) was fine as I have dc and a busy job.
The fact that he had anxiety was fine as he was taking medication and dealing with it well.
What I’ve realised isn’t fine is how much his lack of emotion towards me has completely eroded my confidence and self esteem :-(
3 years on and we still only spend 2 nights a month together (I don’t stay overnight when he has his dc despite spending time with them all). He’s too tired to meet up in the week because his job is stressful and his anxiety meds make his sleepy, he’s only given me one compliment in 3 years, he never kisses me or hugs me unless he’s feeling horny and we’ve never been on holiday or overnight anywhere as he always makes an excuse.
Despite this he texts me all the time when we are apart, says he loves me (occasionally) and we get on great when we are together.
Last night he was out for a lads night and as it was our night to stay together I invited him round after. He bailed on me as too tired and tipsy. I decided to look on his Facebook from 5 years ago when he was with his ex and there were posts from him saying how beautiful and amazing she was and lots of pics of holidays they had gone on....and the realisation dawned that....he’s just not into me :-(
I feel such a fool. Im not sure if he’s emotionally cold because of a combination of his ex hurting him badly, anxiety meds and his cold upbringing but I do know that I need to end it, that it will never get better and that I will never feel important or loved by him.
The saying that ‘If you are in a relationship and lonely then you aren’t in a relationship’ is very true