Advice needed please.

[Ajd1968]

Hi everyone. I'm asking for advice on whether to leave my husband again! We've been together nearly 3 yrs and split up 3 times in the last year but I always end up coming back to him for some reason.
He's a negative guy who brings me down, then on the other hand he tells me constantly I'm beautiful and amazing! He's very quick tempered and most of the time i feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. He also drinks secretly I've found receipts for vodka and found bottles etc and when i confront him he makes out I'm crazy and talk rubbish! He can be verbally abusive and nasty when we argue. He pushed me once during an argument a year ago.
We recently had a holiday abroad and constantly argued and i found myself secretly looking for flats to rent, I've been doing this for the last 6 wks. My gut instinct tells me constantly to leave him but I'm finding it difficult to make the decision. I've just set up a viewing for a flat tomorrow so surely i wouldn't be doing that if i wanted to work things out with him?
I'm soooo confused any help would be greatly appreciated 😔

Your head is talking sense. Your heart is saying differently. Your head knows the right thing to do which is leave. Listen to your head.

You have split up 3 times already, your gut instinct strongly tells you to leave him, you have set up a viewing for another home for yourself, and you are posting on a forum for advice on whether to leave him or not. It sounds to me like you are very unhappy and he isn’t the right person for you. Do you perhaps keep going back to him as he’s manipulative? I used to go back to my ex as he would emotionally blackmail me or break my self esteem down so much that I worried i’d be single forever if I didn’t take him back.
I’m now with a wonderful guy and I kick myself for wasting so much of my 20s with such a horrible person who didn’t make me happy

I would go. It must be really hard for you but there is never any excuse for physically pushing someone and lying about buying alcohol is a massive alarm bell.

Why have you seemingly ignored your gut instinct here?
How were you talked previously into getting back together and three times at that?.

Will you be talked around a fourth time?.

You need to look at your own roles in all this as well, you are a part of this dysfunctional dynamic too. Read up on codependency and see how much of that is reflected in your own behaviours. Maybe its because you are yourself mired in codependency issues, perhaps you feel responsible still for him and worry about how he is going to manage when you and he are no longer together. You need to get off the merry go round yourself before you further become the architect of your own emotional demise. You are not responsible for his actions and never have been. Remaining in this flat as well as commencing divorce proceedings may make your separation from him more on a permanent footing as well.

Just move out. Tell him and yourself you need to reassess things.

Then see what happens

Thanks everyone I knew the answer just needed confirmation I think. I'm going to view the flat tomorrow with the intention of leaving him. I need to stay strong and listen to my gut instinct