Have you ever known a 2nd, 3rd or 4th chance to work?

[ThisFireWillBurn]

Just that, really. Have you ever known any second chances to work? What about 3rd or 4th chances?

I'm on a second chance and it's going fine but as time moved on the old issues do start popping back up. We had been together over ten years the first time though.

Someone else I know has recently given someone a third chance after about 6 months nc and I do wonder as well whether it's a good idea (the other times were about 2 months each time with about a month in between)

What are other people's experiences?

Dependson the reason for the split and the reason for the 2nd chance.

If a 2nd chance didn’t work, why on earth would you give someone a fourth? By that stage both parties need to stop kidding themselves. The party doing the “bad” thing (an affair?) is never going to stop doing it and so should stop pretending that they won’t, they’re just lying. The party giving the X chances should stop pretending that there are negative consequences if their partner does the bad thing, because there aren’t any if you just keep forgiving them and moving on together.

Whether second chances can work is slightly different. I wouldn’t do it but I can see why some might try. There needs to be realistic expectations on both sides though and real commitment to resolving whatever the original problem was.

I think as long as you know the reason/reasons why it didn't work & address them then it has a chance...

...I've had someone in my life for 5 years we have tried dating twice before each time he's just grown distant & gone NC without giving a reason.. neither of us has gone on to date anyone else... I'm still very fond of him but at a loss as to why I'm not good enough for him or what goes on in his head ... very frustrating

Maybe he has an avoidant attachment style dilly?

My second chance is working well because we’ve done counselling etc but still see cracks .. that’s why I was wondering about others.

In the case of the other person I know I wonder if they are addicted to each other

That’s very wise angel I agree

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Second chance - yes. However, I think that if there are further similar problems (especially re. affair or violence or addiction) it's best to accept that it's not going to work, and separate as amicably as possible.