Marriage breakup

[Pepe95]

My husband left me after 22 years together in November. Thought I was doing ok, getting stronger but I'm not! I'm right back at Rick bottom not knowing which way to turn. Kids are older - 19 and 17 - they don't get it. It hasn't affected them like it has me. I don't know what to do..........

7 months is not that long given that you where together 22years.

Its understandable.

Give yourself space to grieve.

Set small achivable goals for the day and reward yourself when you meet them.

Accept that one day you will be over it, it just so happens that it isnt today.

All things are possible with time.

Everything I do reminds me of him. Places I go, songs that I hear......I'm surrounded by 'normal' conversation which I really struggle with because nothing is remotely normal in my life. I get so angry inside and just end up switching off.

Have you seen a counsellor at all? 7months is nothing at all. They’ll be ups and downs. Personally I think it can take years to truly move on from something like this.
Do you still have contact? Have you truly examined why things ended.
Everything will remind you of him for a long time and there is no getting around it, you’ve got to go through it. X

Yes, I've had counselling with helped enormously. I've been back to the doctor to get myself referred for more though. We do have a little bit of contact but I still find it incredibly difficult to see him. The kids are old enough to arrange stuff with him so I'm not needed for that which is good. He appears to be just carrying on with his life whilst mine is in tatters around me. There's no one else involved which makes it all the more confusing. I'm terrified of bumping into him whilst I'm out and about so avoid going anywhere on my own. I wish I could just jump a couple of years into the future and it all be over.

Oh Pepe, I hear you, it's shit.
I was divorced last year, May so just over a year ago. 40 years married.
I thought I was doing ok, decorating the house, doing new things but now I've crashed.
I'm just so fucking angry at what he's done to us at this time of our life. There's no one else involved. Just treated me me so badly because the gutless wonder stopped loving me but omitted to tell me - just acted like a callous bastard towards me.
I'm going through the hating him, can't bear to look at him stage atm.
I tried the no contact but it's impossible when you've known somebody practically since childhood.

There's nothing I can say that will help, Pepe - just one day at a time and get out as much as you can.
So sorry you're going through this, it's truly bloody awful.

Thanks Pinktails. It makes things a little easier if you can talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel! My husband also said he'd just fallen out of love with me. It makes me angry that he didn't even try to discuss things as they were going wrong for him. He refused marriage guidance - wouldn't even contemplate it and so I feel cheated because of that

Sorry for late reply. How are you doing @Pepe95
Same here, no discussion, he turned everything off overnight it seemed.
I put it down to his health condition and him being in pain. I went
along like nothing had happened - waiting on him hand foot and finger with not even a kind word in return. That went on for years.
Looking back I think it was probably a self protection thing on my part - that or I'm a complete bloody idiot.

I look back and realise I never knew him, not really.

Has he moved on, Pepe? God it's so angry making - I tell myself to
let him go to hell and if/when he dies I won't be at the funeral, then the finality of the relationship hits me all over again.
My mind can't grasp how they do it. Bastards.

Hand hold here Pepe.

Same here ladies husband left Nov 1st last year, didn’t love me anymore, he didn’t make me happy blah, blah... 24 years together just trashed just like that.
Last time I saw him he said “I don’t see why you’re not over it by now”
No one else involved just wanted to be on his own with his anxiety and depression..
I’ve cried everyday this last week or so.. I thought it would be better by now. I’ve not missed one days work since it happened, lady at work this week took me aside and said “ I just wanted to say you’ve been fabulous how you’ve dealt with this” how little they know, most days i wake up feeling scared to my bones about my future.
You have my sympathies ladies it’s hell on earth.

He's currently living with his Mum and stepdad about a mile away. I still have a really good relationship with them but it can be awkward. It's all I seem to talk about because it's all that's happening in my life at the moment! I'm not sure if there's anyone else so not sure he's moved on in that way yet. That time will come though and I am dreading it.

Techgirldating2018 - do you not feel like you need some time off work? I originally had 3 weeks but went back because he told me he thought it would do me good! How wrong he was! That was leading up to Christmas (which was hell) and I didn't go back until the middle of February. During that time I had counselling which really helped. Maybe you should see your gp and get yourself referred for some? Mine was online so you don't even have to leave the house. I'm also scared about my future. Right now it looks like a big black hole. All the plans I had included him. I'm told that I need to make new memories but I simply don't know how to move on. I'm 48 and feel like I'm going to be alone forever.......

pepe I’m a similar age, and feel the same. I work in a customer facing job and I have found it a distraction, hard but a distraction.
Work arranged some over the phone counselling in the first few weeks which helped a little and my doctor wanted to prescribe something. I sometimes use sleeping tablets.
I have no children or parents alive so it’s the loneliness that is the hardest. I’ve tried to keep so busy.
I can’t even describe the feelings I have. Everyone says time is a healer so I hope they are right.

Rule of thumb is a month for every year you we’re together, so I’d say you’re doing pretty well.

Hey Techgirldating2018 & Pinktails - just wondered how you were doing after these couple of months? I'm doing better in some ways. Still find the whole thing incredibly difficult though 😔 x