Am I over reacting!

[sammieeee]

So today I left my partners home with our son and went back to my dads house! My partner never helps with our son he's 9 months old and doesn't sleep at night or the day at his house but will at my dads! And he won't watch him at all! So I walked out and went to my dads so I can get some help and he will watch my little boy so I can have half an hour out to shower or just to have time for my self! Anyway my partner has not once offered to help me out to stop us leaving and not once has he tried to fight for us! I feel bad for splitting my son and his dad up but I can't carry on like this! What should I do?? Please help

Please see my response on other thread. Why do women take this shit????

Thank you! I will have a look now x

You definitely shouldn't have carried on how you were. He has been completely taking you for granted.

Has he contacted you since you left?

He has messaged me a couple of times but that was just about work! He just doesn't seem bothered anymore x

Then you did the right thing. Move on with your life, he will.

It sounds like he couldn’t be bothered to be a dad or a partner. A partner wants to help but he didn’t. He’s not right for you so you’ve done the right thing, move on with your life.

Is he going to be having contact with your son or is that going to be too much hard work to handle on his own?

Thank you everyone... you've made me feel
So much better! I guess he just didn't know how good he had I literally did everything for him as well as bring our son up and go to work!
I'd never stop him having contact with his son but I just hope he still wants to have the contact too

Why did you have a baby with him?

Because he was completely different before we had a baby he was the most amazing guy I'd ever met but soon as I'd given birth everything changed!

@DrMorbius what a helpful post he probably wasn't like that before

I couldn’t be with someone who showed zero interest in their child, and also had total disregard for me too. Are you able to permanently move in with your dad for a year or two until you can find your feet and maybe get your own place?

Yes my dads letting me stay here for as long as I like until I find my own place! He's being really good supporting me! Just a shame baby's dad couldn't.

I really don't get why some posters feel the need to ask the question 'Why did you have a baby with him?' It's so pointless as it's not possible to turn the clock back. It's also kicking someone when they're down.

I'm sorry he's been like that, OP, but it's great that you have your dad's support.

Of course it's not bloody pointless !!
Why shouldn't PP ask 'why did you have a baby with this person' it's a completely valid question .

In situations like the OP stars why is it allways the assumption that all men become complete arseholes directly after a baby is born and that all women had been a paragon of virtue, taken their time to get to know their partner. Considered and planned the idea of a baby and made a commitment together for that child going forward.

The reality is usually a long long way from that scenario. Where a woman who wants a baby meets a bloke who will 'do' . Thinks he seems nice . Which he probably is when you are just dating.
Then along comes accidental baby within a couple of years of meeting each other and man becomes an arsehole because he never had the slightest interest in having a family but instead of saying 'no thanks' 'I don't want a baby but if you do then crack on. ..but you are on your own' - Instead he just does that man thing of passive aggressive ignoring because he doesn't want it but feels too guilty to tell her to leave. Instead the method employed is to be so annoying that the woman will leave.
The way to avoid this scenario is to not have babies (or expect a lasting relationship ) with a man who you have spent less than a couple of years with ! and who hasn't had a serious discussion about planning a family and is fully on board with it.

Not being 'actively opposed' is just not good enough for you or baby.

Well my reply to that it wasn't me that wanted a baby to start with he really wanted one and promised the world! After a while I decided to give it a go and as for knowing him a couple of years I've know him for over 10 years! He was the one that really wanted this! I don't regret my little baby at all he is my world but he wanted a family more than I did

Spot on Font .
It's not about kicking someone when they're down when asking why did you have a baby with this person . It's saying that on some level you knew what he was like . People don't change that drastically.
You are doing the right thing by splitting up and making sure your child has contact with his Dad .
Onwards and upwards .

Some people do change that drastically, I'm living the reality, with none of the previous scenario that you mentioned.

Asking if he was like that prior to having a baby is one thing but just saying "why did you have a baby with him" isn't a valid question as it in no way helps the OP's situation or answers her question.

You may be right that it would have been better if the OP hadn't had a baby with her OH, but it sounds as if he was fully on board with the idea, and in fact pushed for it. But even if that wasn't the case, it doesn't really help to ask that question. The baby is here now, so it doesn't help the OP to ask why she had the baby with him. Apart from making yourself feel superior because of course you wouldn't make that mistake.

I didn't actually say that the OP hadn't planned or considered the baby or knew her partner.
My point was about the MN criticism that always follows the question (I paraphrase) 'why did you have a baby with a known dickhead.' ?

It may not be - and seems to be the case if you have known him for 10yrs , that you hadn't taken time with the relationship but you are , it seems unusual at the moment on this forum . - In that having a child with a nasty abusive self centred man-child ,you have known 5 minutes, seems to be almost a requirement.
Followed by a lot of mystified posts about 'why he is like this ?'. ..

Perhaps if more people asked this question instead of providing passive replies about how it's 'not valid' it may , just may make a few more women take a second thought before leaping into procreation with a succession of barely functioning cockwombles.

All we're saying is that it's not helpful to ask that question to a vulnerable OP who is probably asking herself that question anyway. In this OP's case, her DP was the one who pushed for a baby, so she had no reason to think he wouldn't step up to the plate.

I think the truth is that a lot of couples just don't understand how life-changing having a baby is, and the reality comes as a shock. The OP's OH obviously liked the idea of having a family, but didn't like the fact that the baby impinged on his life.

The blame needs to be placed squarely on the baby's dad, who didn't step up.