Co parenting problems!

[Felicityx01]

Hiya all,

Me and my ex were on civil terms for a little while my son is 5 months old and I was allowing a lot of time with his dad (who lives with his parents) about couple days a week, i was even civil enough to let him have him overnight sometimes, which i regret as my son is too young really for sleepovers! So cut the long story short.. I dropped of my son to my exs mother at 2pm they had him for rest of the day and overnight,and my ex was going to drop him back at around 7pm on the night the following day, I said I'd like to pick up my son at 2.30pm as I'm visiting long distance family who hardly get to see my son, so my ex and his mother was ringing me saying giving me abuse on the phone his mother said to me 'if you come to this house and take him we are done being civil' trying to threaten me, so I turned up at the house they were name calling me, shouting at me, his mother was stopping me from grabbing my son out of her arms i had to pry him off, they said there taking me to court and had door slammed in my face, they have had him for over 24 hours and it still wasn't good enough for them! They are very controlling people as well, Has anyone had experience going down the legal route at all? I'm sure it's just threats there making but he's due to see him in a few days but I am very uncomfortable with there behaviour and verbal abuse at me all in front of my son, I feel uncomfortable leaving my son in there care, need advice guys please help

I would get yourself a free consultation pronto with a solicitor who prioritise in family law.

I had a child arrangement order drawn up for when my child sees his father. It’s legally binding and if he steps out of line then it’s court.

I think you will need to go the court route first via mediation. But be prepared for it not all to go in your favour. Solicitor will best advise though

wtf sounds like ex is still sucking mummys nipps tbf..how old is he that he needs mommy to say your a shit mom n she can do what she wants WITH your child....that's ur child blood are u for real...just stop contact until courts sorted ok
STANDARD
she reminds me of my m.i.l or that thing as i call her

I think that's it's unfair to have his time cut short just because you feel like it and without his permission. How would you like it if he came over to your house 5 hours early to pick him up because he felt like it, without your permission and without much prior warning? He's the father as much as you are the Mum and is entitled to as much time as you are unless a court was to state other wise.

Just to add though that I don't agree that his Mum should be fighting his battles for him.

Yes iv been in court 4 times in the last 8 months, my stbxh is a bloody nightmare.
If im reading it correctly you had an agreement and then decided that you wanted your child back early to take them away. Honestly you carnt do that, thats not fair. Its not just your child but both of yours. You then went around and demanded the child back and got a total mouthful infront of the child. They should never have spoken to you like that esp infront of the child but you know their reaction wouldn't be good, and shouldnt have put your child in that position.
Sorry im not being rude but you have no more right over the child than its father you both have equal parental responsibility.
Have you drawn up a contact arrangement? think you can find the info on line. He wont just be able to take you to court unless theirs domestic abuse involved, you will have to go to mediation first. The only interest the courts have is whats in the best interest of the child. But really the courts should be the last option as its very expensive, stressful and the decision can be taken out of your hands. Eg you may end up with a contact arrangement that you just dont agree with after spending a lot of money on a solicitor. Its honestly one of the hardest things iv been through!
Try to think about contact arrangements as a business arrangement, take the emotions out of it all and make an arrangement that is fare on both of you and most importantly child focused.

Sorry agree with blue and what.

You talk like you are doing them a favour allowing access on your terms when it suits you.

That isnt coparenting, a child isnt a possesion.

Admitedly they shouldnt have reacted in an agressive way.

They're not on to be abusive like that, and it should be his ex discussing it with you not his mum.

However I suspect if dad turned up hours before he'd initially said and tried to grab son out of your arms you'd be pissed off too right?

You've been unreasonable in this instance. He's his son as much as yours.

You were in the wrong aswell I’m afraid. Yes threatening and shouting at you was just horrible but cutting contact short wasn’t exactly kind either.

I don’t think OP has been unreasonable at all.

Circumstances arise sometimes on both sides where contact hours have to be changed. She was seeing her family who never see the baby so this one time the contact needed to be cut a bit short, it could have been made up an another time but instead of being reasonable people they’ve jumped down her throat straight away.

You are the resident parent OP so it’s your decision.

I do think you should ignore the immature name calling, block his Mum off your phone because what does it actually have to do with her? Only contact your ex, and arrange with him set days and hours that are the same every single week then there’s no confusion. I’d try to arrange things with your family on your time in future then he has no reason to have a go at you again.

Thankyou for you advice he does have a lot of time with his son in the week prior the argument he has him 3 days and twice overnight and just cause I wanted to pick up my son earlier and bearing in mind I never do this! This was the first time and I phoned them before I didn't just show up at the door, I have now blocked his parents as it is nothing to do with them, can I just say my ex dumped me for another girl while I was pregnant and has put me through hell so I think I'm being reasonable all the time he spend a with his son.

As soon as you are physically removing a child from the arms of someone who isn't harming them you are being unreasonable and deeply unpleasant.

That's horrific and you should never ever being doing that. It's deeply abusive and shows at that moment you are unable to put your child's needs first. Your child doesn't need to see your long time friends, he does need to be not manhandled.

You may have been justified and reasonable in asking for your child to come home early. But your ex is entirely justified in saying no that's his time with his child. As soon as you turn up and try enforcing your requests you put yourself deeply in the wrong.

As I've just said on another thread, get a court order in place.
They sound awful but you were unreasonable too as per what what said.

And to be honest, the circumstances of your split are irrelevant to the arrangements for your child.
I was cheated on whilst TTC my third and just after my dad died. We went to court o st contact and the situation was not relevant at all. What matters is the child's right to regular, consistent, predictable contact with both parents.

You have been a tad contradictory OP. In your original post you said he usually has him a couple of days a week and an over night sometimes then when it seems like you were trying to justify your actions you have said he has him 3 times a week and twice overnight. That does seem overstated in comparison to what you originally put.

As iv said before you need to treat it like a business deal. Put all emotions aside and just do right for the child. The courts will not agree that you tried to change an arrangement for some thing that was not an emergency. Unfortunately that's the pure fact of it all.
It's a dreadful dreadful situation as you obviously feel so upset at what he's done. I was with my stbxh for 12 years the things he has done and continues to do are totally disrespectful to me and children. Iv even received legal aid due to his emotional abuse, but tbh the court's don't really care. Their only concern are the children

Don't prise your son out if his grandma's arms
You aren't doing them a favour letting them see him- he's his dad he has equal rights to you
And don't change contact times

I understand the anger leaving you for someone else while pregnant is a shitty thing to do.

However he will always be in your life even if he ends up having no contact your child will still want to know about him and that relationship or the lack of one will determine who your child becomes.

Witholding or controling contact because he didnt want you will not help your child in the long run. You need to keep the two issues seperate.

Actually it shows some presence of mind in the grandmother's case that she was able to put her grandchild first and let go of the child. It really isn't your natural instinct in such circumstances as you instinctively to cling on to "protect" the child.

I really do think the OP's behaviour is absolutely disgusting. The only saving grace is that fortunately the child is too young to remember it happen and the OP has hopefully learnt from it. It absolutely cannot happen again.

Stepping in slightly to defend felicity it is extremely hard at the biggining to except and understand and navigate this situation esp as the child is so so young.
I think you should except that what's done is done and try and move forward I suspect you need a more robust contact arrangement. When he has the child unless it's an emergency then his time with the child needs to be respected. You really don't want this going nasty as it will put a huge strain on your life.
Go on the internet and get a parenting plan send one to him and fill one out yourself. Both do some compromising and meet in the middle and try and move forward with this situation. Personally I would appologyse for my part in things it sounds as if it all got unnecessarily out of hand.

Sorry but you didn't have a justifiable reason to pick him up early at such short notice.

I think you are playing games here to ascertain control rather than putting the needs of your child first.

If you knew you would get a hostile reception after you spoke to her on the phone why go over there and cause a scene in front of your child.

The child stability and wellbeing is the most important thing here. He was not in any danger and was being looked after. There was no need to cause trouble.

If I was them I would go to court and get official access in place.

Sorry but you were being very unreasonable and antagonostic. Poor child

Your baby needs a consistent schedule. You and your ex need a consistent schedule. Come up with one and stick to it.

It is never acceptable to change arrangements at the last minute unless it's an emergency. You seem to think you had a right to do this, as though your DS is somehow more yours than your ex's. They shouldn't have been abusive to you but I'm not surprised they were angry. What would you be saying if your ex had turned up at your house demanding the baby, even if he had called before? Would you happily hand him over.

How can you think it's ok to grab at your son but criticise them for shouting in front of him. You are in the wrong here. Nonsense to say that suddenly you aren't happy for them to see him.

A court order will formalise arrangements but you will be encouraged to come to an agreement in mediation instead. Both options will cost money.