Help

[C029563538]

Sorry for the long long post!!
But please read I need help
I met my other half in 2010 8 years ago. Rocky roads throughout as he was very immature. But we loved each other and stuck together. We had our beautiful son in 2014 we moved into a 2 bed house and were happy. Then his immaturity came back a couple of years later. He went out every weekend didn’t spend time with us and we were drifting apart . I got sick of it we grew apart and he decided to move out to his own flat I was devastated we still spoke everyday and probably nearly still saw each other everyday we couldn’t be apart. Can’t live with each other can’t live without. It was 3 weeks later I was his plus 1 at his friends wedding we went out on day trips with our son and 3 months after he got the keys I ended up moving in with him in dec 2016.

Ever since we’ve been the happiest ever, we have moved into our own house he proposed at Christmas and we are expecting our daughter in August 2018 we get along perfect he’s grown up and we’ve been great.
Anyway he’s said some things the past couple months that have made me think he’s done something for eg: he come out with “everyone makes mistakes” and “since I put that ring on your finger you’ll be mine forever”
I’ve asked and asked - nothing
Finally on Tuesday night I got it out of him.
As soon as he moved in that flat he slept with someone, not just slept with someone in a bed but bent over someone in an alley way in our nearby town on a night out 😞 he said he was on his own his friends left him and he was highly intoxicated.
I feel devistated and I know we weren’t technically together but I still feel like we were so close and it’s hurt me so much. I’ve told him I’ll try for this baby but I’m struggling like really struggling!
I can’t get this image out of my head of him shagging someone else.
I do his washing and think of the clothes he was wearing wether she unzipped him and undid his belt.
What did he say to her? How did he get her up an alley way!? 😧
I went out on the piss in those three weeks and I wouldn’t even dream of even touching anyone else! are men different?
Since he’s told me alls I’ve wanted to do is touch and hold him I’ve felt like I’ve had to look my best because I don’t want him looking elsewhere but today I’ve crashed again and I don’t know what to do?
Any one been in a similar situation?
I’m lost I’m hurt I just don’t know what do!? 😞

If I read your post correctly, you were separated when your DP had this encounter, so he hasn't been unfaithful to you.

However, a ONS in an alley is rather tawdry, so I'm not surprised you find it off-putting; but you will have to stop dwelling on it, and especially let go of your attempts to reconstruct its minor details in your imagination, if you are to move forward with this man.

You say he has 'grown up' since you were previously together - this is what you really need to consider. Has he genuinely changed since 2014?

Think about his behaviour now - is it that of a man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Is the problem that you don't feel important enough to him now, knowing he could move on so fast?

I can understand that but I guess he moved into his own place, you were separated so he was single, and he evidently wanted to live the single life.

Except it didn't last long did it, before he realised the grass wasn't greener and wanted you back. He could have continued shagging a different woman every night, but he didn't, he chose a life with you.

If you want a future with him I think this must be filed along with anything else he did while he wasn't in a relationship with you - before he met you, or during the time you were separated.

I'm overlooking the awful nature of shagging someone in an alley, assuming they were both very drunk and lots of men would probably consider it if it was available. Maybe.

I think if you can't get past it then the relationship is damaged forever.

There's no right or wrong way to deal with this other than to do what you need to do; maybe you need to separate, maybe you need time out to work through your feelings, maybe your relationship can recover.

Bollocks to technicalities, this is your relationship and if you're feeling wounded and betrayed, they is absolutely valid. (I would too)