Relationship help

[MyaeD]

Hi guys,

I’m looking for some wisdom here. No judging please because this is a serious dilemma for me.

I’ve been “seeing” a guy casually for about 5 months. He’s a great guy and makes me feel relaxed and happy. However he lacks ambition and has never lived away from his parents (aged 34!)
I do however really fancy him and we get on well.

I also have another guy friend in my life who I know is interested in me in a relationship way. He is extremely successful and earns well and could offer me a great lifestyle. He has been very supportive of me emotionally over the time I’ve known him as well but I just don’t fancy him as much.

I thought I would instinctively know who was right for me as money doesn’t really bother me that much but I don’t really want to lose either from my life but the indecision is making me so anxious. Should I go with the guy who looks better long term or the one I fancy now but I’m not sure we would be good long term. I should note I’m also happy to be single it’s just this has all happened suddenly as the 2nd guy has asked me to date him and I’m not sure what to do.

Any advice or personal experiences?

How relaxed and happy would you feel with guy 1 if you were the main breadwinner and he didn’t work? Why is he still at home age 34? That would put me right off. Where’s his ambition, his drive?

Also, how much you fancy someone doesn’t matter so much after the first couple of years. Your life goals, aspirations etc are more important.

If you have dc, who would be the better dad?

I don’t mean to sound materialistic, and I would never advise anyone to marry for money, not love, but would you be happy with unambitious guy, or happier with guy 2?

But what are your career aspirations? What do you do? Do you want dc? Can you afford them by yourself?

If you don’t fancy the second bloke, it’s not worth dating him, IMHO.

The money is irrelevant.

You have one man who is an adult, in charge of his own life, emotionally supportive. And another who lacks ambition to the point he’s living with his parents. He’s not even a grown up and he may never leave.

Nothing is a bigger passion killer than lack of initiative and a weak character.

You obviously do fancy the second guy some, that could potentially grow. Whereas the other can only really dwindle.

It’s a no-brained to me.

brainer ^

I have a friend who moved back with his parents at a similar age. I might be biased as a friend, but believe he will be an amazing life partner to someone. He is great at cooking, housework at and would provide loads of support to his spouse's career plans. He doesn't have a high flying career himself, but earns his fair share.

It just has to be a right match for my friend: he needs to find someone who want a high flying career with home background support. It really depends on what type you are and your two friends are. What might work for one couple might not work for others.

Good luck! :)

If you read the OP this guy hasn’t moved back, he’s never left.

I’d find it hard to respect someone who still lives at home at 34. I know it’s quite common where I live due to the extortionate property prices, but it makes me query why they haven’t managed to save up or at least flat share.

I'd be single.

You've spent almost half a year casually dating the first guy, surely if it's still only casual after that long it isn't going anywhere.

The second guy, well to me it sounds like you're stringing him along, so what if he could proved financially for you in the future? If the connection isn't there then it isn't there.

How would you feel if you were in either of these guys situations?

Hi TatianaLarina. you are right, the OP's situation can be totally different, she asked for experience and that's my only experience. Just wanted to add a different view. It entirely depends on the actual people involved and communication is very helpful.

Would #1 like to move out and live alone while dating and eventually move in with OP? Or just move together (renting) straight away? How does he see his future?

How about #2, does he fancy OP or is he on the same page just liking her and wanting to see where it leads?That can work out too, there are all sorts of happy relationships out there, some started with a spark, in others the spark came later.

In any case, OP will definitely have to talk to at least one of them unless she wants to date both in secret.