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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boy says im overweight keeps calling me names

45 replies

Shame2018 · 02/06/2018 18:18

Hi i been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. It had been a difficult relationship we have had lots of outside pressures and problems there has been lots of arguing on both sides
When we met i had recently lost a bit of weight but was starting to put it back on so i was about 12 stone i am now about 14 stone. When we met i showed him old photos he said some nonsense lile it doesn't matter you're beautiful blah blah blah. Well about a year ago he started saying i had put weight on and asked me nicely to go to the gym. He said i would feel a lot happier about myself and more confident which is true i have been a member of the gym i just dont find time to go. He isn't working and I am supporting the both of us working 40-70 hours a week and i have a 10 year old. Thes3 are a mix of day and night shifts and night shifts are known for making you put weight on.
I know I look better at 12 stone and I would like to be healthier but i am struggling to find time to manage it all. He has gone from gently reminding me to being quite spiteful about it calling me a fat C word. Chubby. Lazy. Today I asked him if he would a favour for me and his instant response was no because you are fat and have a beer belly and won't do things for me like lose weight when i asked you to. I am trying to be a balanced as i can about this I could probably find time for the gym but i am quite depressed a lot of the time i just want to hide at home because money is tight and even £1 for a car park would be too much.

His behaviour isnt right is it?

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 02/06/2018 19:03

By the way, OP, don't be confused by the fact that he used to be nicer. Nearly everyone can give the impression of being decent for a limited amount of time. Once you've been together over two years, say, the true person becomes more apparent.

Be a great example to your DD - don't tolerate this. And the only way to do that is to leave.

Candyflip · 02/06/2018 19:06

You support him financially and he call’s you a fat cunt. Fuck that shit. You know his behaviour isn’t right. Do yourself and your child a favour and sling him out tonight.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2018 19:06

If this is true, you really need to get a grip, OP. He's sponging off you and being highly critical of you at the same time. Why on earth would you put up with any of that? I would tell him to go this minute. You owe him nothing.

Branleuse · 02/06/2018 19:10

you dont need to put up with him. HE is the extra weight you are carrying

Scabetty · 02/06/2018 19:11

Please tell him to go. You will feel better.

Cawfee · 02/06/2018 19:14

He called you lazy? Are you serious? Why isn’t he working? No wonder you are too tired and out of money! Get rid of this arsehole. He is abusing you financially and emotionally. It’s not right. He’s not right. He’s horrific and you need to get away from his abuse before he totally ruins your mental health. Do it today!

AmazingPostVoices · 02/06/2018 19:15

It’s hard to lose weight when you aren’t happy.

Get rid of the nasty, useless man and I would suggest you’ll feel happier and start to lose weight..

Allabitmuchisntit · 02/06/2018 20:03

Op, please tell this vile excuse of a person to completely fuck off. I am furious for you. He doesn’t work? He calls you names? He says you’re lazy? He says you’re fat?

Seriously, there is nothing to think about here. Get rid of this toxic, nasty, abusive prick.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 02/06/2018 20:09

Why are you staying with him? You are working so many hours you must rarely see your dc. Why are you enabling a grown adult to lay about all day? Your confidence must be so low to accept this as normal. Get rid of him. He is a terrible example for your child. He is the lazy one. Lose him and then work on yourself.

imweirdandcool · 03/06/2018 04:21

I don't know how a night shift can be known for your body to put on weight but either way he is nasty and I wouldn't keep someone like this around me

Candyflip · 03/06/2018 05:52

Imweird there has been loads of studies done about this. Maybe google is your friend here. Although even just a little critical thinking could enable you to see why.

RideSallyRide76 · 03/06/2018 06:19

So he lives off your money, calls you nasty names and won't help you out "because you're fat" and you are with him because.........?

Sagegreen · 03/06/2018 06:22

When you read your post do you not just instantly see that you MUST split up. You are giving your child a terrible impression of relationships by exposing them to this abuse (and it is abuse) and accepting it as normal. You are worth a great deal. This man must go. Do not delay- enjoy your new future and don't waste another minute or penny on this person. Be prepared for him to talk you back round but it has to be goodbye.

Cupoteap · 03/06/2018 06:38

He's trying to keep you in your place to secure his own lazy arse being paid for.

Get rid. You've been a single mum before you can do it again.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 03/06/2018 07:02

Run for the hills.

NordicNobody · 03/06/2018 11:14

Leave leave leave leave leave leave leave...

draws long deep breath

LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE...

continues for infinity

MmeGuillotine · 03/06/2018 16:20

Dump him.

CrazyOldBagLady · 03/06/2018 17:17

His behaviour is dreadful. Do not tolerate it.

BlankTimes · 03/06/2018 17:30

He isn't working and I am supporting the both of us working 40-70 hours a week and i have a 10 year old

Shock Why? Seriously, why? He's doing nothing for you apart from being abusive and draining your bank account.

Echoing Cloud Captain "I know how you can lose 12ish stone of useless deadweight super quickly and it isn't by going to the gym."

You need to get rid of him OP, he's using you and taking the proverbial. throw him out as of now, he has no good points.

MMmomDD · 03/06/2018 17:50

OP - you definetely need to kick him out - he is just using you. It’s way too much drama for this short a relationship....

However - you putting on 12kg in a few years is also worrying. It says less about your gym going and more about your diet.
So - for your sake as your child - try to get this under control.

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