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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce

8 replies

Sloulou88 · 02/06/2018 14:40

Hi- not sure if this is the right area but after some advice.

To cut a long story short, I owe my ex some money from (not honestly) spending some of his money to buy our son Christmas presents years ago. I offered to pay this back several times and he refused.

Two years since our separation and I am trying to go aead with divorce.
He has gone from he will contest the divorce on the basis that I am a "Liar" and that he cant wait to "air my s*t in court" and he will make it expensive and that he will lie to the courts saying we have only been separated since December 2017, that he will tell them I ignored the divorce papers he sent me (im not sure realises they will go through the court so they would have evidence of this). With this I don't want to be left with a massive solicitors bill that I can not afford. He seems to think if he refuses divorce then we will be forced to stay married.

He then went to say he will just ignore the papers, then quickly reverted back to he will see me in court and he will make sure I have much to pay. I told him if hed rather spend the money on the inevitable then to go ahead but I would rather save the money for our son. He also said I will get locked up and have my child taken away from me.

I am at my wits end- I have filed the papers but reallys cared about what will happen next? Would a solicitor advise him against contesting based on his facts? What happens if he contests? IS HE MORE likely to ignore?

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 02/06/2018 14:43

Get proper legal advice but do not be intimidated .Why on earth does he think you will be locked up? sounds like someone who has realised he's lost control over you and is throwing his toys out of the pram.Don't rise to the bait

Sloulou88 · 02/06/2018 14:45

because of this money (which I have tried on several oocasions to pay back!)

if we went to court would he be able to "air my s**t " as he says. I know it would be all lies but I really don't have the energy to be in the same room as him let alone listen to him go on one of his rampages

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 02/06/2018 14:48

A solicitor is likely to advise him not to contest.

Are finances sorted?

Sloulou88 · 02/06/2018 14:51

thanks lifebegins- would this mean it wouldn't even go to court?

there are no finances involved- all there is is this money I apparently owe him (which im yet to see proof of and willing to pay!)
No home as we were renting - no joint accounts no savings together etc

OP posts:
Sloulou88 · 02/06/2018 15:12

thanks lifebegins- would this mean it wouldn't even go to court?

there are no finances involved- all there is is this money I apparently owe him (which im yet to see proof of and willing to pay!)
No home as we were renting - no joint accounts no savings together etc

OP posts:
piethagoras · 02/06/2018 15:24

What country are you in Lou? If you're in England and looking for a divorce based on separation it looks like you'll have to wait another 3 years. Unilateral divorce based on separation in England and Wales is 5 years.

Sloulou88 · 03/06/2018 18:51

Right so today, hes changed his tune "we need to speak about child arrangments for when we divorce"

Think hes realised I do actually know what I Am talking about in terms of divorce and that I can still divorce him

So now hes moved onto child arrangments- we currently have 50/50- I would like my son more but happy with this arrangement. I told him I would ge tmy solicitor (don't have one yet as I cant afford one!) to contact his. he said he doesn't have solicitor only a social worker and then kicked off when I said I would get my solicitor to get in touch with his social worker as my solicitor will contact him and nobody else.

Is he bluffing? does he have a social worker? Surley I would have been inestigated if he did? I have nothing to hide I have a loving family and a beautiful home!

Where do I go from here

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 03/06/2018 23:47

Social worker?? I think he is bluffing.

What are the circumstances of breakup? I suspect he is resisting divorce and is just using excuses.
It maybe that he needs more time to process it but you might have to make a judgement on that.

Only advice is find a reason why divorce works for him..make him see its a good thing for him.An example is whilst you are married you share assets so if he has something of value you have a claim, however reverse is also true.

Or you are his next of kin so would inherit if anything happened to him.

I "forced" exh to divorce when maybe he didn't want to..upshot he has been a total nightmare since as he wanted to be in control.
If he was a controller before then it maybe a hostile divorce but not much you can do to change him if that's the case.

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