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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not turning up for contact

12 replies

Pixikitten0123 · 02/06/2018 13:24

Ok so me ex didn’t turn up to pick up the kids today, what do I do now about it? Called /text a number of times but I’ve been stonewalled.

OP posts:

lexi873 · 02/06/2018 13:26

Not sure what you can do really if you’ve already phoned.
Could there have been a crisis or emergency that they couldn’t contact you?
Or have they done this kind of thing before?

Original poster

Pixikitten0123 · 02/06/2018 13:40

I think it’s to get at me.

OP posts:

brokenglam · 02/06/2018 14:24

Only going to affect the children. Why did daddy not come to see us? Make sure the dickhead realises it's them who will suffer here and long term they'll remember it and maybe turn the tables if it happens regularly.

C0untDucku1a · 02/06/2018 14:26

I dont think theres anything you can do. Youve to make them available. He doesnt have to see them.

Record every time he doesnt show up. And be honest with the children. Although if it becomes a habit i wouldnt tell them he is coming. If he doesnt show, no disappointment. If he does, bonus

NC4Now · 02/06/2018 14:28

I used to get this a lot. I think it depends on the age of the kids.
Mine were very small, so I stopped telling them when he was supposed to be coming to spare their feelings. Then I’d have a fallback plan so if he didn’t turn up at the time he said I’d take them out.
There’s nothing worse than sitting home fuming, with one eye out of the window.
At least you get to still feel a bit in control if you take them out.

Original poster

Pixikitten0123 · 02/06/2018 14:47

Little one is really upset he waited at the window for 30 mins, called him and he ignored his call. This is to get at me

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 02/06/2018 14:54

Take him out yourself. Go to the Park.

Dont tell him next time his low mark dad wants to wind you up.

NC4Now · 02/06/2018 16:48

It probably is to get at you. Show him it doesn't. Your little boy deserves better.

FWIW mine hasn't pulled this stunt for more than 10 years now, and we actually get on pretty well these days.

Gemini69 · 02/06/2018 17:15

OP I hope you keep a record of all these missed contacts and evidence of his 'evading' your calls/texts etc...

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 02/06/2018 17:20

Keep a diary. And also monitor dc behaviour if you think his shitty actions have effects on them - bed wetting for example. Or mood swings/upset. Will all go against him if you go to court.

grimereaper · 04/06/2018 20:40

My abusive exH did this. Used DC as a weapon.

Record every incident in case you one day decide it's in their best interest not to facilitate a relationship with him so if he does suddenly apply for contact (also probably just to get at you) you arent steamrollered into them going through more pain before he's genuinely ready to be a present father.

Nothing could keep me from contact with my kids no matter how angry I was at the other parent - just don't get how men successfully use this excuse to justify it

Original poster

Pixikitten0123 · 04/06/2018 21:49

I’m logging everything at the moment, Friday night he sent some pretty abusive and threatening texts to try to intimidate me - it didn’t work - woke up Saturday to another. DS broke down at school and told his teacher today that he’d not come for him. There’s been zero contact since then. This divorce is getting silly now. I can’t wait for it to be over.

OP posts:

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