This is just a vent really, and also to show that let people in when you see signs to run a mile........ no shame. Just admission, and trying to see clarity
LONG READ SORRY
My guy - I'm just as much to blame.
We met, I didn't give myself time to deal with a recent break up... (nothing major - I've always been someone that wont stand for being messed around, so ill cut things off) HA HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED HOW FOOLISH AM I.
ANYWAY
So me, and red flag man - that's my name for him. Because he's just a walking red flag. We met, through a FB group (foolish)
We started talking, he's 8 years older than me, good job, seemed mature. We got chatting, we arranged to meet after a few days. We met, we slept together (ah judgment - happens - ill be honest worth it) We chill, we talk a bit more he states he's been single for XYZ, and hasn't been on a date in 6months - he goes to shower. He left his phone, he gets a text (was great to meet you, id really like to see you again) it puts my back up ill admit, he's lied already. (No I didn't pick his phone up, it happened to be next to me on the bedside I saw it - YOU WOULD LOOK) He goes back up home, hear little from him for a day, then he's consistent. Few days is quiet, but he'd ring me or face time me to check in during his day.
Fast-forward two weeks, he's come down to spend the weekend with me - booked a hotel for two nights he said. Next morning after a nice evening and dinner and really good conversation.....He pipes up with - Oh just to let you know I've got a wedding today - (this is at 630am) back up north, but don't worry I'll be coming back after. I question it, why not tell me? Why tell me on the day? I've made plans for us? You stated you'd be here all weekend?... We could of arranged another weekend. It would of been ok.
He leaves - and I check how long its booked for (the room) One night.
#@#@#@ so mad.
I leave, I call and I call, and I text.
He then gets back to me saying he did book and he hasn't lied.
WHY DIDNT I THROW HIM AWAY AND BE LIKE NO!
Instead I moped and got really fed up, and stupidly believed he'd come back down? (OH HOW SILLY, SILLY SILLY GIRL)
Ignores me all weekend.
nothing
zilch
nada
I get flowers in the post on the Monday, with an apology.
I've never had this, ever! So I think, oh good sign.
Aha, things pick up.
More calling, more talk, more him telling me things I want to hear. More him telling me he wants a relationship with me. I'm cautious, it took me 6 weeks, to finally say ok.
So woo, am his girlfriend.
Things are ok.... he works I work, we don't talk constantly.
We also live 2.5hrs away from each other...
Then it gets less, he doesn't turn up when he says he will, he ignores messages. He turns up a day later then he said he would.
Its all screaming issues, but then ill call him out on it. He's a person, that feels he can do as he pleases. He doesn't have to tell me he's changed his mind about seeing me?
I start to notice, I don't like it. I feel like I'm being mugged off a little, and something has too be up!
3 weekends we arrange something, he bails
My birthday - he bails we he swore he would be there.
I see the light - praise Jesus
I decide I've had enough, he hasn't spoken to me for a full week, and he was meant to see me the weekend before this.
I sent this message about how I feel used, and that he's got someone else, and that tbh, we adults and I think its better to be honest. Lets forget this game that's being played and end it. I want something real, and not to be mugged off.
I'm a wreck at this point, angry, emotional unable to hide or control myself....
oh I wonder what could be the cause?
Periods due no doubt, that on top of being messed around for 3 months.... what else.
Hello unplanned pregnancy.
Now, I didn't want children yet. I wanted to wait, and we had actually talked about kids (another red flag - we hadn't known each other long and he brought it up about how he wanted to try)
So, I panicked for a bit, I wasn't able to talk to him, due to messages not sending and him not being active on social media. (I knew he was away on exercise at some point during this month of everything)
A week later, he messages me - not really saying much
apparently he's been on exercise and got caught drink driving phone was left at station...
. I've already sent the message telling him I'm late and taken a test... that's positive.
Now I've had two weeks, two weeks of raw emotion. Crying for days, freaking out, not knowing what to do. Then I stop. I'm not ready, but are you ever ready to be a parent? I don't hate kids, I love kids, I just wanted to be in a stable relationship with the person I thought id be married to, or getting married to.
I want to continue with it, and I wonder what his reaction and answer will be, but wasn't worried. He wants kids, he told me he wanted to try. So in my head.... although we haven't known each other long. He's going to be ok.... and overtime I've kicked off and I said I cant be dealing with a half arsed relationship, he'd chased me and changed my mind, and managed to convince me he does love me, and he's just not a clingy person.
He turns up, and tells me to abort, its only blood.
I'm a little wounded, annoyed..... and shocked.
How stupid have I been? To believe everything he's said? What clouded my judgment? Why couldn't I see what everyone else was telling me, how could I not even seen the hurt and upset in my own messages to friends about how he was ghosting and gas lighting me.
We discuss, I say even though the situation isn't ideal, and we haven't been together long. I don't feel like I can abort (Choice is choice - I would have aborted maybe if I felt differently) He tells me he's upset with my choice, but he'll stand by my side - as its the right thing to do.
(not that he wants to do it) I explain that I'm confused by his change of heart, as he so desperately wanted children, but then again I was stupid to believe it. I tell him he doesn't have to be around, or a part of any of it. I'll do this alone and without him if he feels like this isn't for him
He tells me no, he loves me he wants me. he will be there.
Fast forward to the present day
3x scans and 5x midwife appointments later, there has been no sign of him
Just texts. Not even phone calls. These texts have no ceased (my choice now - I've backed off)
No interest in his child.
Constantly let down and ignored.
Waiting around for him to show up, then ignored for days before and after appointments.
Head games and head messing. Being told I'm excited about you, and I still love you. But I'm not excited about the baby.
And what have I done throughout it all?
You got it
Chased him!
Begged
Pleaded
Taken blame
Understood
Bombarded with calls and texts.
Been crazy AF
I have held onto this man, and let myself become crazy, stressed and a wreck. Its only in the last 6-8 weeks, that I have sat back and become more accepting (not over or fully accepting) but more accepting that I will do this alone. The father of my child is complete narcissist. I can now sit, and talk about him, without needing to have a breakdown. I can now do a full day at work, without having to take time away to sit and cry quietly.
I can now see myself, raising my child without him.
He hasn't been near since we talked about what to do. that was last year before Christmas.
So it shows: 1. How stupid I am, to hold onto him. Hoping actually praying that he would prove me wrong and be there.
- He's no good.
- I was naïve, and wanted to believe everything he said
I kept a baby, that took me a while to accept, but the thought of a termination made me feel awful. It's not something I personally felt needed to be done.
He is now, closer. 40 min drive away in a closer barracks.
(Family member told me)
I have no desire to contact him, I've made myself look crazy for far to long. he's got a driving ban too lol - course so its not like he's going to come along.
I'm not looking for a well done, or a how stupid can you be.
I'm just posting my issues, and that it can be dealt with.
I know things maybe be very different when baby is here, that I may slip back and chase him again.
I thought I was alone. I've posted on another threads and had people tell me they've had something similar.
This is just me, letting it all out.
This is a very long post, and if you've made it through without buggering off thinking jesus, you are stupid I thank you.
This is the first time I've written everything, and not just little snippets.