Hi. I'm new here. This is my first post and I don't know if this topic has been covered so please refer me to a more appropriate thread if necessary. Anyway. My current concern is a bit of a moan and a bit of a worry I guess. It might be a long one so thanks for reading through if you do. And many many thanks for any advice.
Here's the story. My husband and I have been married 3 years, but have known each other 13 and dated on and off for a majority of that. He's got an estranged 19 yo daughter and we've got 2 dogs. I'm the only point of contact between him and his daughter as I've remained neutral. This is not the main problem but it's one of them. The main problem is this:
I'm worried I've fallen out of love with him and we are just mates. There. I've said it - or written it. I hate this fact. I have been head over heels for this man for as long as I can remember, possibly even putting him on a pedestal at some points. He was everything a woman could dream of - good looking, good in bed, compassionate, ecologically sensitive, family man, dedicated to both home and work life, pulling in a decent wage, and always up for adventures and fun. In the last year or so though, this has changed dramatically. He took a promotion at work and has been totally career driven - to the point where he works approximately 10-12 hours a day on a good day. He wants to retire early (at 60 as opposed to 68 as the normal teacher retirement age allows and this makes sense as I'm 15 years younger) but it means that when i do see him he is constantly working. I work 4 days a week (something we agreed on as it'd make life more enjoyable at the weekends if on fridays I could get all the housework done) but now he just sits on his phone or his tablet ALL THE TIME and then falls asleep while we watch netflix and I drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine.
Normally I'd say to someone in my position - go make some friends, get hobbies, etc. and do something independent. My problem is that we have 2 dogs who need picking up from the dogsitter by a reasonable time each day and although I tried to start yoga, netball, etc. his work schedule would never allow me to continue without upsetting our dogsitter.
Now I find myself in a place where I literally have NO friends who I feel like I could call to go for a glass of vino and a natter (or moan) about this at a weekend, and a husband who promised me a lovely wine and dine night this evening, but wanted to come home early and fell asleep - and now I'm drinking the cherry brandy we bought for a friend and worrying I'm turning into a functioning alcoholic for lack of anything better to do.
Oh and to add to this, we maybe have sex once a month at best. He has put on a lot of weight - which is not a massive problem but doesn't attract me as it once did. He also now has erectile dysfunction but despite me asking him to go to the docs about it, he promises to make an appointment but never does. He also just shows absolutely no interest - very occasionally giving me a comment like 'nice a_' as I walk away but nothing remotely believable. So sex is a very very boring and scheduled thing, which only happens if I literally say the night before that I'd like some, and then it can only happen in the morning (I"m NOT a morning person but will get up early if necessary) and only in the bedroom, where it seems like he feels it's his duty rather than anything he enjoys, and culminates in a mechanical version of both of us being 'satisfied' but then him falling asleep.
I know this sounds horrible but he is a lovely man and we do have fantastic adventures, walks, etc together. Generally life is fine, but lately it just feels more like we're housemates than husband and wife. The worst part about it is that I've started having bizarre dreams about co-workers or TV show stars where I wake up and resent my husband that he's not like them despite the fact I know it's a complete ideal fantasy version of what I want.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Thanks,
Isolated and frustrated (but hopefully still in love somewhere)