Do I have every right to be mad?

[crossroads1992]

So yesterday (June 1st) was my birthday..few weeks back partner asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, I said I wasn't bothered, he was the one that kept going on about it and got me excited for it, I said I'd just like to go somewhere with shops to look around and spend my birthday money! So I keep asking were he's taking me and he won't tell me, gets to the day and he takes me to a tk max And then we go home we were out about an hour, it's annoyed me because that's not a shopping trip, we have a 6 month old son and he claimed he didn't want to drag him around any more, I hardly get to go anywhere I can't drive and I'm stuck in the house with our son Petty much all week so was looking forward to going out....I did question him about it 30 mins after getting home and he blew up about it, calling me an ungrateful b-tch and every name under the sun, he also went off topic several times bringing up irrelevant things to have a go at me about....he said that he spent money on a present for me then he started dragging up that I got him a crap present for his birthday, I gave him £50 and I got him an engraved ring from our son! I'm on maternity leave and I couldn't afford more, told me he hates the ring :/....he didn't even get me a card from our son but later on he went out and got one after I mentioned it :/ it's not the same when he had to be told, so after the argument he falls asleep, when he woke up we sat and watched what he wanted on tv...then I sterilised the bottles but our son was crying and every time he cries partner gets stressed and gives him to me...so I'm now juggling our son and doing the bottles while partner sits playing games on his phone! He's 27 btw...partner then demands his tea streight after I finish doing the bottles! Told him to make his own...he didn't bother just left me on my own with a very upset baby while he went for a nice long soak...I have ignored him since then!!....last year for my birthday he took me out shopping, rushed me around and then as soon as we got home he told me he was going to the pub with his friends, he also did this on my 21st birthday apart from he didn't take the day off work and as soon as he got in he got dressed and went to the pub...so I spent my 21st on my own :/

I'm 26 as of yesterday btw

So iv spent a lot of the day stressed and crying...he knows this he just doesn't care

What a selfish idiot your dp is.

As of now for Birthday & Christmas do the bear minimal regards presents for him.

Yanbu. Sounds like he was using the baby as an excuse to rush home . I wouldn't have been impressed either . Also telling you he hates the ring was spiteful.

Why are you stuck in with your son every day?

Why are you with someone who calls you names and treats you like this?

And you didn't dump him after your 21st?!

You have every right to be hacked off.

I have to stay in because we don't live near any shops or anything, so would have to get taxis to places and with my baby it's difficult and expensive so I find my self in the house all the time just looking after my son and cleaning the house doing washing etc,, even though partner says I don't do good enough..Still with him because I'm stupid, I know I should leave, iv told him if he doesn't strop treating me badly I will leave and go back to my home town 2 hours from here, most of the time he tells me to go but says I can't take our son, so I stay because he says he will get custody of our son and I couldn't bare to be away from my baby :( he says that he's the one with the good job and name on the mortgage so they will never let me keep him, says that I'm mental and that I'm a scrounger, and I scrounge off him...I have a part time job but on maternity atm, tbh iv had enough, I moved here to be with him, I wanted to get away from we're I used to live also so I really tried to make it work, it isn't working but now I have nothing, no money And if I leave I will have no house no job nothing :( just me and my son unless they take him .:( I know I'm in an abusive relationship but I feel like I can't leave

He won't take your son. You are clearly the primary caregiver. Also he quite clearly won't want the effort of being a lone parent.

You deserve better than this. Please leave him. Go back to your home town.

Okay this sounds quite seriously like you are being emotionally and verbally abused and may have been worn down over time. It does not sound like this is just a case of a crap birthday.

It also sounds like the physical isolation has put you under the control of someone else who is using your fears for your child to control you further.

This is not a healthy enviroment for you or your son and it does not sound like it will get any better without some form of intervention.

He cannot 'take' your son, you are the primary care giver irrespective of your financial position or the fact that you dont own a property. Moreover he would have to pay you child maintainance if you left with your son.

Call Womens Aid for support.
Call Gingerbread for financial advice and your rights as a single parent.
Speak to your gp about counselling support.
Speak to friends and family in real life who may be able to help you out.

Do not continue to put up with such treatment.

At the very least speaking to someone will help you gain perspective and begin to think about your future in the long term.

Best of luck op

Is this what you want for the rest of your life? He will not change.

Do not put up with this any more or subject your son to his abuser of a father.

What Nellia wrote here. Get support also from Womens Aid and move back to your hometown with your son. You'd be better off in a refuge.

Abusive men often make the "I'll take the kid away" comment, he really has no intention of doing so and actually has no interest in the child. It is also said to keep the mother under his coercive control.

What a horrible man. You are completely isolated from all help and support at the moment. Please do what was suggested above. He can't take your child away from you. Put yourself and the baby first and leave. Do you have family you can stay with if you just pack up next time he's at work?

I just want to send you a big hug, and say I agree with all the PPs, please get help to leave this abusive and thoroughly nasty man.
Once you have the support of Women’s Aid, etc, you will feel much stronger and less alone and vulnerable. Your present living situation is far too isolated- probably a deliberate arrangement by your husband to keep you under his thumb. Moving nearer your family and friends will be a huge improvement and allow you some distance to see your horrible husband clearly as the shit that he is. Good luck, OP. You are in my prayers for a much happier future.

What an arsehole!

He sounds awful I'm sorry to say. If you decide to stay please learn to drive ASAP so he can't keep you trapped like this

OP I completely understand how you feel. I was also scared to leave because I was worried what would happen to my DC but I wasn't thinking straight as the abuse had left me worn out and confused. Eventually I left and have never regretted it.

He will not get custody. That just won't happen. He will get some contact but may not bother at all if he doesn't want the hassle of looking after him.

Go back to your family where you have some support and a better environment to bring your DS up in.

He won’t take your son, that’s typical abusive talk. This is a man who can’t cope when the baby cries and gives him back, how do you think he’ll cope on his own!

Go back to your home town and get rid of that waste of space you call a do

Please call for help.

What a selfish arsehole. I think you need to think long and hard about what you're getting out of this relationship and consider of this is really how you want your life to be. He won't change. I was with a man like this for 10 years. Stayed for the children, thought he'd change, all the usual reasons. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did and my children are happy as anything.

So sorry your birthday was ruined

Honestly this man will never change. He sounds awful and he is making your life a misery.

You are also very isolated which can be hell for a new mum.

I wouldn’t worry that he would get custody he has got no chance.

I really would tell him to stick his mortgage where the sun doesn’t shine.

Can you go back to your hometown for a week or so to clear your head?

Leave him, as soon as you can, do you have family you can go to?

Speak to Women’s Aid as a priority, they’ll help you

No way will he get to keep your child, it just won’t happen, and he doesn’t even want it, he’s just trying to control you

So what he's going to quit his job and be primary carer for your child if you leave? You don't really believe that do you?

Can you go back to your parents?

This guy is an abusive arse. All abusers say they are going to get custody to scare you.

No judge would give a 6 month old baby to that arse.

He couldn't even be arsed to fix up his bottles, he surely doesn't want to raise a baby.

Use the resources the other posters suggested and get out of that crazy environment. That'll be an excellent birthday present.

Excellent advice from PPs, OP.

You know they’re right. He’s abusive and controlling and this is no way to live.

Look at the example he’ll be giving your child as he grows up.

There’s a happy life for you out there, you don’t have to put up with this bullshit.

I agree with PPs that you're in an abusive relationship. Don't allow him to scare you into staying with him, there's no way he'll get custody, and neither does he really want that. If he can't cope with your DS crying, how would he cope with looking after him full-time?