Right, okay.
Been with OH for three years and relationship has it’s ups and downs. I have Borderline Personality Disorder which can create some of the ‘downs’ for us.
Basically, very early on in relationship we moved in together, and I brought along my 8 yo DS who partner got along famously with.
There were many emotional talks about how wonderful we are as a family and how he can’t wait to give me his last name, have babies of our own etc.
Three years down the line and we’ve had a dreadful conversation whereby I pretty much said I’m ready to try for our first child and he totally shot me down. Not even ‘I’m not ready yet.’ Just flat out ‘no way. Never.’ I’m 34 almost 35 and he is 32.
His ex of 12 years left because she had to trick him into a proposal and he told her for twelve years he didn’t ever want kids. Thinking she could change his mind, she waited until eventually she fell out of love with him. (And in love with someone else!)
Now... the baby thing I wasn’t totally sold on myself anyway. It might’ve been nice, but I have my son. I’m grateful I got to have one child.
But...I’ve inherited some money, about £75000. I offered to pay off our mortgage and obviously have a percentage share of the house in my name. Partner agreed. Now, as we’re about ready to sign forms etc I mentioned the fact I’ve bought a £5500 porch for his house and maybe that should be included in the legal deeds etc. He says ‘it’s not very nice is it, having to say what amounts were putting in, and what percentages etc.’ I said well the other option, a more romantic option maybe, I mentioned about getting married. That way everythings down the middle forever.
OH got annoyed and presumes I’m only saying this because I want 50% which hurt my feelings so much. His parents had an awful divorce and he makes comments about how getting married is all for a woman’s benefit.
It might be that my mental health is not great at the moment but I really worry that at 35 I’m accepting a relationship without marriage and kids. We spoke about both these issues very early on and were both on the fence about a baby, but both said of course we’d love to marry each other. He even said things like ‘you’re going to look amazing in a wedding dress,’ ‘we know we’re going to get married one day, might as well make it soon!’ That was two years ago!
Am I being a fool for thinking he still might propose one day. He always says ‘I’ve never said I Definately DONT want to get married.’ But I remind him at one stage in our early days he was broody and discussing baby names! And now that’s a definite no.