Been with my partner for 1 year properly but have been on and off for the previous 3 years.
Since I have been with him officially we have been with each other near enough every day. I knew he had issues with drunk beforehand but never knew the extent of it. I have a baby from another relationship and told him I did not want him round when’s he was drinking because of the baby but he would often come turn up drunk and lie saying he wasn’t even when I could smell it on him and he acts compketely different when drunk. There has also been times where I have caught him using drugs in my bathroom. Obviously I wasn’t aware he had anything on him and have always got him to leave straight away.
It got to the point where he would come round drunk and throw abuse at me. He’s called me a silly little girl and told me I think I know everything about life etc all out of know where. He says things like ‘f* you and your baby’. After when I tell him how disrespectful this is he is very apologetic, can’t believe hea said these thins and tells me he is a different person when drunk.
I told him since that if he cotinues to drink we canno be together as I am clearly not helping him to get over his issues. He has on many occasions promised to stop and I have always found out from either himself or others that he has drunk.
Another instance, he left his phone upstairs and asked me to pass it to him. I took a while and when I gave it to him he seemed very defensive. He kept asking me if I knew the pin no to unlock his phone which I don’t. He was very paranoid whether I went on his phone. Obviously this got me thinking what he was hiding so I was very off with him for the day infact we went out and didn’t speak. At the end of the day he said it was because there was porn on his safari which I may have gone on. Ive never said anything against him watching porn and never checked his phone so I don’t know why this would have been something to hide. When I mentioned this to him he said it was because he was looking up weird stuff on porn. I didn’t ask anything more but this has made me distrust him a lot.
A few years ago I lived in a block of flats. We wasn’t with each other at this point but was very close. I used to have him round frequently then one day I saw him with another girl who lived in the flats. I was a bit put out by the fact he would always come there to see me then randomly started going round another girls there. He hasn’t seen her in a long time and I’ve and incense moved from there but he’s asked me a number of times since we’ve been together ether ‘what was that girl called again from the flats’. When I’ve asked him why he wants to know he always says he’s just wondering. It just confuses me as to why he would want to know?
There has also been an issue with a close girl friend of his who have had a past. I have told him I’m not comfortable with their relationship yet he has pretty much continued it yet when’s have mentioned people I’ve had a a past with he is quick to make me aware he would ‘f them up’ if he found out we’d seen each other.
It’s so hard because we have a very good bond despite all of this. We have a great sense of humour, I am very attracted to him and when he isn’t drunk he has a great personality and will help a lot with my little one.
I told him around a month ago that I need space because the lack of trust was getting too much. In this time he messaged frequently asking if I was seeing other guys and said he couldn’t stop thinking about me being with someone’s else.
I last spoke to him a week ago and he said he would give me the space I needed. I’ve blocked him on almost everything so he can’t message while I clear my head. I just don’t know what to do. I know he loves me like crazy as do I love him, but I really don’t know whether I can get past the lack of trust. When I last spoke to him he said he knows we can get past it all if we work on it and I would very much like this to happen, I just don’t know if I’m being too hopeful and all this is going to continue? I haven’t had much luck so far with a lot of empty promises.
If you have any words of advice I would really appreciate it.
Xxx