Well thanks to mumsnet and all the poayrrs that have given advice here I have finally established boundaries, I have respect and self esteem and can spot red flags.
I guy started messaging me on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and we have been chatting back and forth. He is absolutely gorgeous, mixed race, 6ft+, muscles to die for. Grant he should come with music he is so beautiful.
Well we were talking about meeting up tonight, just casual, neither of us looking for a serious relationship. It was pretty much on the cards we would have sex.
Anyway yesterday I mentioned snap chat and we got into a heated debate with him basically saying girls that have snap chat are hoes. I have snap chat bit I don't use it on any sexual way. I just like how I look with a filter! So I was feeling like I had to defend myself- this was red flag number 1.
This morning we were chatting away and I asked does he have condoms or should I pick some up. Basically letting him know in advance that they are an absolute deal breaker. Well he said he doesn't usually use condoms and he is so offended that I obviously think he puts it about. Then he changed track to wondering why I want yo use condoms, obviously I must be putting it about. -- red flag 2.
So usually such a stunning man I would be falling all over myself to assure him that I wasn't judging him and back tracking to please him.
Nope! Thanks to mumsnet I have binned him off. I said twice now he has made me feel defensive and I wasn't comfortable meeting him. Sorry to waste his time but I wouldn't be meeting him after all.
Well I was right to trust my instincts. What followed was a huge rant about how all women are the same, no wonder he has trust issues, I have lead him on and wasted his time, I am wrong about him and should have given him a chance. I have judged him, women don't know what they want they just play head games.
And then... It's because of his colour. I only wanted to use a condom because he is black.
So I dodged a bullet well and truly. If this is his reaction when we haven't even met, can you imagine trying to bin him off later down the line???
This is a massive achievement for me, I have always had issues with going along with what men want and trying to live up to their expectations but it truly is down to mumsnet that my eyes are open and I could spot him for what he is.
Lundy Bancroft and pat craven helped with their books but it was mumsnet that told me about them.