Male/female friendship and time spent together

[ThisFireWillBurn]

I was interested in views on this. If you have a platonic friend of the opposite sex and one or other of you is in a relationship, how often would you consider too often to spend time catching up alone to maintain appropriate boundaries/appearances? I realise this is very how long is a peice of string but interested anyway in what frequency you’d find odd.

The catch-ups are always during the day and usually a coffee type thing. They don’t work together.

I have a few male friends but stopped doing one on one things when they got into relationships out of respect for the gf as I wouldn't like it the other way round. I've made effort with the gf and meet up with them together now

I meet male friends for dinner every month or so, one on one but i tend to meet all of my friends one on one.

I think it's fine
There's no need to maintain appearances; if you trust someone then you trust them.

Me and most of my friends (male and female) are busy with work, life etc. So usually only manage a catch up once a month or less. So, if I had a partner who was catching up with a friend of the opposite sex more frequently than that, then I would probably feel uncomfortable with it. But that’s just me. Different people in different circumstances might feel differently!

• think it's fine There's no need to maintain appearances; if you trust someone then you trust them*

Absolutely spot on

I only manage to see most of my friends once a month or so due to work, family etc so I suppose it depends how often the person sees all their friends.
I’ve introduced DH to any male friends and invited him along to meet them at least once.

It depends. If you are both busy in a relationship and struggle to make time together, but your OH magically has time for a 2 hour coffee twice a week with a friend, it might get irritating. Not sure if the opposite sex is as relevant.

For me, I think about monthly would be comfort zone?

I meet my best male friend two or three times a year, we are both very busy people. Usually coffee but we do go for a meal occasionally - he always tells his wife if we have a meal. We have known each other a decade. I see my best female friends every one to three months.

Hmm... Depends on so many things. Does the platonic friend pre-date the relationship? Has there been any romantic interest previously? I have male friends whom I've never been in the remotest bit attracted to, and I'd have been pissed off if XH had said I couldn't see them. Likewise, he had female friends who pre-dated our relationship, and with whom there was no romantic history at all. But when I was married to XH, I became friends with a man and then fell in love with him.

I have a good male friend. We catch up when we can. Sometimes weekly. Sometimes monthly. Just depends how busy life is.

I don't have many male friends whose wives aren't also in my social circle, but those I do have, I see for lunch about once every three/four months, texting/messaging monthly (approx) in between. They're all in relationships but I don't know the women.

I'm Facebook friends with two significant exes but we don't (and wouldn't) meet up on our own - only at school reunions - and chatting is done on our walls or statuses, never privately via messenger. I think that the latter can lead to problems (not always obv).

I go out for a glass of wine with a male friend every week. I suspect, but am not sure, that he is gay. DH fine about it.

I don't follow a pattern.

I might see a male friend a few nights in a fortnight if he's in the area, but then not see him for months after.

Basically it's always ad hoc for me. Depends entirely on circumstances.

I work with all men so I go to lunch or grab a coffee with workmates most days.

I’m still in contact with my ex. We don’t meet up on our own these days, but meet up as families probably 2 or 3 times a year. His dw is lovely and our dc all get on well. We do email but only occasionally and always ask after each other’s families. I think you have to be respectful of people’s partners and have clear boundaries in opposite sex friendships. I’d struggle if DH was meeting with a female friend regularly and having lots of text / email contact. Why do you ask op?

Honestly I would have the same feelings towards mixed sex friendships as same sex friendships. If my OH were going out every night with any friend, male or female, I'd be annoyed. And as someone else said, if they can't find time for you but can find time for someone else then I'd be upset by that too. But unless I had reason to suspect there were feelings involved, the sex of the friend wouldn't be an issue for me (and spending more time with a female best friend than other less close male friends wouldn't be enough for me to suspect there were feelings involved).

I see my close male friend a couple of times a week on average.

We do a hobby together one night a week; sometimes meet for coffee/lunch; occasionally go out at the weekend if there's a band/film we both want to see; probably get together with his wife and the children once or twice a month.

I text a couple of male friends every day, because they live far away we only see each other a couple of times a year. When we lived in the same place we saw each other a out once a month but usually in each other’s house. So alone or not varied massively. I actually had to think about it though because it’s not something I keep track of.

Thanks! I guess there is no answer ... which in a way is an answer in itself! PPs are right though in that it's about trust. I've found these responses very helpful