Just want a bit of a hand hold really

[Smellycatt]

Hi all,
Sorry if this is long..please stick with me. I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve from this post but just to feel better for getting it all out as I’m feeling really down and shitty at the moment.

I have a son who is nearly 3 and I’ve been split up from his dad now for a year and a half.
The split was over alcohol, he was drinking every night then went out and never came home for a weekend..which I later found out he was on a coke binge and is still now using drugs.

I have tried desperately for a year to help him. I realised he had alcohol problems and rang doctors for him, offered to go with him but he continued to take the piss out of me. I let him stay in my new home whilst it was getting decorated a few months ago (stupidly I know) as I was staying at my parents and he claimed he didn’t have no food. I went back the next day and he had had a party and there was drugs left and the house was left a mess.

He keeps letting my son down, never sent a birthday card, xmas present, doesn’t pay a penny towards him. Even when my son was ill I told him he needed to go to hospital and I didn’t get a reply coz he was obviously on a bender.
When he’s not drinking he claims he wants to be a dad and I’m playing god with my sons life and that I’m the worst human in the world for stopping a little boy from seeing his dad which up until 2 months ago I hadn’t. I always tried to encourage a relationship even if it was once a month he would come and see him for an hour but yet again he let him down and my son was so excited to show his daddy a painting and he just didn’t turn up. So I stopped it all together and said he had to sort his life out before he ever got near him again.

Now I’m getting constant abuse, his side of the family haven’t bothered with my son for a year and a half and continue to blank him if we are out and about. One of them even spat at the pushchair.
I just feel so sad and lost for my little boy, we all live in the same village and one day he is going to realise that that is his family and his daddy and none of them are bothered about him. It is literally breaking my heart. If I hand the money I would move away to save him from being hurt and saving heartache for my boy.

My main question is am I doing right for stopping contact all together? My son hasn’t really got a lot of people around him, but those who are love and cherish him. I feel like I’m isoliating him and not trying hard enough as my health visitor said as long as my sons dad is asking to see him then I can’t say no. But I honestly can’t keep putting him through this.

Sorry for the rant It probably makes no sense at all I just really want someone to tell me he doesn’t need lots of people around him and to take away this guilt.

He certainly doesn’t need those vile people , his dad is waste of space and I wouldn’t allow him access with his addictions and his family sound rotten too , walk away and hold your head up high .

They don't sound like good people. They are going to be bad influence on your ds. He doesn't need them. He can still have people in his life - a loving mum, your side of family, and eventually he will make his own friends.

Yes you are right! They're awful can you move?

Do not feel guilty in any way! You are doing the best for your son. Even if he does grow up and feel sad that they didn't want to know him, it's a million times better than being let down and upset every month. That can really mess with a child's head. I think you are doing the right thing, it's just a shame you can't both move away from them all!

You're absolutely doing your best for your little boy. As you say he has a small family of people who love him.and can be relied on. Better than a dozen who let him down and do disgusting things like spitting at him. Stick to your guns. He's a lucky boy to have such a strong mum.