Long Distance With Medical Student Help

[19student]

Hi, I have posted on here before for advice, and strangely enough my situation has dramatically changed since then. I have been with my bf for two years, I have just finished first year uni and he has just finished a gap year. He has spent the majority of this year living about an hour and a half's drive away but has come back every single weekend to see/stay with me if he could. Since he got an offer for medical school (well since he applied really as it is his dream uni) at our hometown, the plan has been that he will move back to our city and we would live together. This is what I asked for advice about last time I made a post because I don't have any contact with my family for various reasons and I felt like I needed a mother's opinion, and everyone who replied was so lovely and helpful. But now things have changed so much - he has also gotten an offer for medical school in London (about a three hour train journey from me) and he is leaning more towards the idea of going to London. Initially I was heartbroken to find out he was thinking about it but his logic makes sense. Basically I intend to do a Law degree after my current degree and London unis are much more prestigious than the one I study at now, and the best firms are also in London, and with his degree being for six years we both know that if he stayed here, I wouldn't dream of leaving for law in London after living together for two years. Plus the medical school down there has better teaching standards although the university itself is not as prestigious as the one here, and neither of us want to stay in our hometown forever.
But I know how hard long distance relationships seem to be. I have looked at my finances and I could afford to visit him once a fortnight, and whenever I am not at uni or work, although he wouldn't be able to come home to see me as often because life as a medical student will be very intense and life in London will be very expensive. I am concerned that I am being naive in thinking that we can make it work for two years long distance before I plan o moving to London also. I really do love him and I can't imagine not being with him but I miss him so much already with only seeing him once a week, I know I would be devastated only seeing him a few days a month. Maybe I have been watching too much Greys Anatomy but I am having this recurring worry that he will meet some beautiful medical student whilst he is down there and decide it would be easier to be with someone who is also doing medicine etc.

Do you have any advice? Anyone who has done long distance or dated a medical student or just any motherly advice would mean the world. Thankyou x

If you are both genuinely committed to each other it can work. Long distance is hard though and it wears both people down so you have to have the stamina for it, but also it can take the sheen off a relationship - it can become a bit more ‘duty’ rather than love, but a solid/mature relationship can weather that and come out the other side.

FWIW - if you need to be in London for Law it makes more sense that he does go to London from a purely logical point of view. If he stays in your current location you are giving up your future career as you say you won’t move away.

Can you transfer to a London uni?

One more thing - you are both very young, it is very common and normal that as people go through university they realise they have moved on from each other, even if they see each other regularly and don’t live far apart. The people you will both be at 24 are likely to be very different to who you both are now.

I lived 90 mins away from DP for almost 3 years. Saw each other every 3-6 weeks as I was an undergrad, then working evenings and weekend. Now its only 45mins but I am postgrad and working annoying hours so still dont see each other often. Will be this way for another year or so I expect.

It works absolutely fine. I actually think it has been better for me studying. Im alone and bored more often and get a few hours work in. If we lived together I would probably want to relax with him. The time we spend together is quality time.

IMO long distance is possibly easier when you already know each other well and there is trust. Im not a jealous or paranoid person, but in a new relationship I might have been anxious sometimes or insecure. But I knew DP for years before we started dating (and he moved away) so it has never been an issue (and presumably he feels the same). You and DP have been together 2 years so have a solid foundation.

The main thing that goes against your chances of succeeding is the same thing as anyone else....a young person moving to a new place, and wanting to do fresher things, etc.

If you want to do a law degree why not switch now?

Finishing one degree and then doing another will be very expensive.

Realistically many relationships don't survive uni even when people are in the same place so you're right to question whether it will last.

You can only really take it a day at a time and see what happens.

You're probably more dependent on this relationship than he is because you're not in touch with your family.

Med students have CRAZY schedules when they get into placements and exams. They have little time or headspace for anything as the pressure is intense (20% drop out rate per year due to academic standards at prestigious med school in my city). You might find that he simply cannot schedule visits (and vice versa) once he starts studying no matter which uni he goes to.

London is a mental city to study in and it also seems logical for you to do your law degree there if that's where the jobs are afterwards.

You've got 2 more years until you graduate. So I guess you're 19? Lots can change in 2 years and you could still make it work long distance then fall out when you finish your current degree and move to be with him.

If it's meant to be then it will be. I broke up with my 'boyfriend from home' after my first year at uni as we had both established such different lives in that time. We were 200m apart but phoned and visited often but still wasn't enough.

StrongerthanI is right. Choose your Uni to suit your own needs, as your bf will have to prioritise his.