18 months after separation - why am I still so sad? So low tonight.

[ChurlishMay]

Separated just over 18 months, totally unwanted by me. Divorce at financial stage. Together 10 years. I still get sad thinking about it all. I’m mostly ok but I still can’t imagine a happy future for me. What is wrong with me? No children (I always wanted a family) and feel so lonely. I’m having counselling but not sure it’s helping.

I know I’m pathetic but has anyone got any tips on how to move on?

Poor you. Having been in a similar situation (though wasn't married) my only real advice would be just to give it time and know that what you are feeling is completely normal - you are grieving. I saw a counsellor weekly for about a year until I was sick of talking and although at times I wasn't sure it was helping that much, looking back I am sure it did. Just know that things DO get better and the emotional scars fade, even if they don't disappear completely.

I don’t think that’s very long for someone to get over something. Especially if it wasn’t wanted on your part.
Time is literally the only healer. Though We do have to make an effort to get on with life etc.
If you want a family then you’ve got to proactively seek it.
Are you angry at him at all? Is he still in your life? Lots of things can hold someone back from moving on, and usually the other person still being around and “nice” if you get what I mean

Getting through the divorce processes does help, even if its painful at the time.At the moment you are still intertwined and that keeps you in the past.I am just a little further down the process and still have times of sadness. Ideally every marriage would work out but many do not.

How old are you? Do you have a job you enjoy?

Thank you. I’m hoping that once the divorce is final I can look towards the future more easily. I do get angry at him but also blaming myself despite him having the affair, which I am working on in counselling. I haven’t seen him for about a year, no direct communication.

Yes I do have a job I love, a very good career in fact and I’m financially independent and comfortable. I have few but very good friends. So lots to be thankful for.

I’m almost 36 and know that I have to actively start dating if I want to be in with a chance for my own family. Just don’t know how to get myself into the right mindset. I’m still quite sad at times.

I agree that the divorce being finalised will help.
You’ve been through major trauma. Some people are better quicker at moving on than others, but I don’t think that’s necessarily healthy. I would be worried if you said you still felt like this after 10 years. But really 18 months is nothing for a big trauma.