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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable regarding family visits the week baby's due?

15 replies

Jembuck · 31/05/2018 19:59

I have two older DC from a previous marriage, DH and I have an 18 month old and DH has a four year old from a previous relationship.

I am pregnant and due shortly. Step DD comes every month and is due to visit us for the week the baby is due. She lives in Scotland (we live in Devon) so DH spends two days either side of the visit collecting her and dropping her off.

I'm really worried I'll go into labour while he's away or while she's here, or he'll have to leave as soon as the baby is born. He has suggested his father and stepmother come to stay just incase anything happens. I'm really really not keen on this idea!

Am I being unreasonable? What are the solutions?

OP posts:
leighdinglady · 31/05/2018 20:19

You really can't know when the baby is going to come. It might not be that week at all. He will want to see his daughter and I wouldn't want to risk him missing it and then not having the baby until the following week. You never know, the baby might even be here by then! If people can come to look after her I'd do that. Could they not stay in a hotel?

Pandora79 · 31/05/2018 20:20

So if you cancel the visit it could be 2 months before she sees her dad?

mummmy2017 · 31/05/2018 20:21

Have the parents on stand by to come if you need help

Pandora79 · 31/05/2018 20:21

And who is going to be having your 18 month old?

Angelf1sh · 31/05/2018 20:57

I understand your concerns but I think you’re being unreasonable. Unless it’s a planned c-section, you can’t be sure when the baby will arrive so your DH could miss out on seeing his daughter that month for absolutely no reason. Rather than having the in-laws on stand-by to help you, could they go and collect the DSD instead?

Helga55 · 31/05/2018 21:13

Does he collect & drop her off EVERY visit? If so, I'd be telling him that his ex partner needs to do the trip this time

mindutopia · 31/05/2018 21:22

Could his father and stepmother fly up to collect her and take her back? It’s a quick flight from Bristol and still probably cheaper for the three of them than the petrol to make that trip.

Original poster
Jembuck · 31/05/2018 21:26

Thanks all. I'm just panicking in case anything goes wrong or we need to leave in the middle of the night. What if it's the day before she's due home or DH is away?

My mum will look after our toddler and my dad the older two. My step dd doesn't know them that well.

DH's dad is fine but really can't cope with his step mother, we've had our issues.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2018 22:10

I would say that DSD needs to know that things get a bit unexpected around babies. That the plan is to go ahead as normal, but the visit may get delayed a week if exciting things happen. You could also offer for her to come earlier than usual, if the baby is a bit early.

I think it's reasonable for someone else to bring her though.

picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2018 22:11

How on Earth did he end up at a different end of the country from his daughter?

Changedname3456 · 31/05/2018 22:24

”How on Earth did he end up at a different end of the country from his daughter?”

And that’s relevant why exactly? Love your implication that he’s just fucked off and left his DD when the reality can be so much worse.

In my case the separation (near 200 miles - 4 hours) came about because my exW decided, three years post split during which I’d had my DC 50:50, that she’d rather be elsewhere. Cue 10k of legal fees desperately trying to stop that through “Family” (hah, fuck off) Court.

FC couldn’t give a rat’s arse about distance unless you’re talking about outside the country. And even then, I wouldn’t stake (any more of my) money on it.

LML83 · 31/05/2018 22:31

Understand your worry but baby is due from 37-42 weeks so there is always a chance it could happen while dsd visits no point moving it.

Make a plan to out your mind at rest, dsd will be safe and happy enough with your parents for a day or 2 if needed, it's not ideal but will be ok.

Original poster
Jembuck · 01/06/2018 06:12

Changedname

Yes that's pretty much what happened to DH, 15k in legal fees. Court was an absolute joke. DH has to do all the travelling and cover costs ever since because ex unemployed.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 01/06/2018 06:57

That's awful! What a nightmare.

It wasn't a criticism changedname. I just wondered how it came about, knowing that none of us would want to be managing that situation.

category12 · 01/06/2018 08:04

How old is dsd? I'd look for flexibility with the date she's supposed to come, and have his dad and stepmum on standby to help. I think you have to put your issues with stepmum aside. It's important dsd doesn't feel she isn't part of the family.

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