Handhold? Abusive ex happy

[tryharderrepeat]

My physically, emotionally, financially etc abusive ex husband

Is happy in a fast new relationship

He's just sailed into the sunset while I pick up all the pieces and I did warn her but obviously she doesn't believe me

I'm going through so many conflicting emotions- hate, rage, fear, jealousy, relief, confusion

Tell me how to get through and rebuild me?

You thank your lucky arse he's someone else's problem.

just try and take care of yourself and as namethecat says... think yourself lucky he's someone elses problem.

I try and do that. Then I get scared for her. Then I wonder if it will only be me and she'll be special enough not to go through it.

And a campaign of years has very abruptly stopped dead. It's better than carrying on but it's eery

(((Hugs)))
Same happened to me. It's tough and seems so unfair when you are still reeling. All will not be perfect in his new life.

When you were 1st loved up with him, I doubt you would have heeded warnings from his ex. You've had a lucky escape. Remember the low times and give yourself permission to live a happier, less stressful life. For a better future for you.

Thankfully she is now distracting him and you can get on with rebuilding your life.

Abusive is who he is. Being special enough has nothing to do with it. The real him will resurface soon enough. As you’ve said, his new partner will of course not believe a word of it - he’ll have already told her you’re off your head. But yeah, as others have said - not your problem anymore (and that’s all he’s been), so be thankful that you’re free of it. Make a list of all the shit he’s put you through and pay attention to it when you feel jealous or confused about your abusive ex and his temporary “happiness”.

Oh and that eery feeling?
That’s freedom!

Happened to me. I convinced myself they were super happy and that he was super nice to her. I tortured myself over it. Thought it was just me he was abusive to and that it happened to me because I wasn't good enough. I convinced myself she was good enough and he wouldn't do it to her and they would be so happy and have this wonderful life.

Now I thank my lucky stars he's not my problem anymore. Men like that don't change no matter who they end up with.

I warned her as well when she was shagging him behind my pregnant back. I would gloat but I do genuinely feel sorry for her

I should be dancing on air. My terror is ended. I almost feel like I'm addicted to his abuse though - my life has little now without it.

This does end?

It takes time OP
Have you looked up narcissism and the idealise-devalue-discard cycle? The reason his abuse of you has stopped is that he has a new supply of attention.

How long ago did it end? Time really is a healer.
Try lots of self care and take small steps to move your life forward.

Ex is still single and as a result I am still his target.I hope he meets someone else soon.Ex was married before and I came on the scene much later but suspect he was the same with her.I think they actually get worse with age and certainly seem more resentful after relationship breakdowns so likely he will be worse towards her.

Yeah. Been told about trauma bonding too. Just finding myself being told by friends who don't get it that I should just let it go and be glad. And I should. Just can't quite explain it.

I'm free... but in my head... I'm still guessing his next move

It ended for me a few months ago. When she appeared.

We split years ago. But he still had control

for you. He is abusive so he will BE abusive eventually, your warning has fallen on deaf ears so far but perhaps it will help her see sooner and get out faster when he starts his games.

As for you, you are free, you just can't feel it fully yet but you will, and when you do it's bloody amazing!