If he grabbed you and left a bruise?

[Hollyhunter18]

If he grabbed your arm whilst arguing so tightly that he left a bruise would you think that was enough to end it? Just curious- already ended it for other reasons but just wondered about that incident.

Grabbing your arm at all is a red flag IMO.

Glad to hear you are not still in that relationship anymore.

Yeah that's enough to end it
Glad you're not with him now

Yes.

If it was grabbing to pull you out of the way of a runaway bus, it might be ok, but in an argument? That's a huge red flag, in fact, its beyond red flag.

Yep, that would be game over for me.

For me, no.

I bruise ridiculously easily, always covered in them and mostly I don't know how - DH has accidentally bruised me many times including in the odd row when he has tried to stop me opening a door or similar (but also when stopping me slip over on ice - I got a whole handprint from that!).

If he intended to grab me/hurt me that'd be different. You had other reasons it seems OP - that is good enough!

I would say so.

DH has accidentally bruised me many times including in the odd row when he has tried to stop me opening a door or similar

Do you mean he blocks you from leaving a room if you want to, @theunsure?

Having already been in a physically (and mentally) abusive relationship which started 'small', absolutely yes that would be enough for me to end a relationship. It always gets bigger and I refuse to run that risk again.

I don’t bruisebthat easily. He was squeezing my arm whilst arguing with me.

I’d run a mile. Well done getting out before it escalated.

@EleanorHooverbelt

No! I am in no way abused. But we are both a bit shouty and I have form for slamming doors and going off in a huff when I don't get my own way. He has at times tried to grab the door off me so I don't slam it. Which tbf I imagine our neighbours appreciate as they have new born twins and I've split all of the wood frame from doing it.

I am trying to learn that slamming doors is not very adult but I do sometimes see red. I did it when I was little but now I am 40 I should get a grip.

I on the other hand could technically be done for spousal abuse as I once flung some keys and due to my terrible hand eye co-ordination I managed to hit him with them and cut his chin. Which was bang out of order. I've not done that since! But if that had been in reverse all of Mumsnet would be sending me to a refuge, when it was an accident (albeit in anger).

I don't want to derail OP's thread. I think if you ask the question OP then you know it is wrong. I've never felt like that if I've had a bruise.

@theunsure

Glad you're okay, then unsure. Thanks for reassuring me

For grabbing my arm, no... but for squeezing it yes!

No to the grabbing arm, but yes to the bruise because that was clearly intended to harm. What will happen next your head connecting accidentally with a door?

Well done for ending it.

My ex started my grabbing my arm and bruising me ..... and ended with stamping on my head and strangling me. That was a huge red flag, I'm glad you got out. Incidents like that nearly always escalate, scarily fast.

Yes it's enough I had an ex who would grab me and it slowly got worse. They pinned me down once and strangled me and that happened once. I was covered in little bruises.

Depends on the context. My 1st real gf was a county level swimmer, very strong, with a dreadful temper which would sometimes turn physical, punching and kicking.

I'd done judo since primary school so to defend myself I'd pin her to the ground and restrained her untill she calmed down.

Without context if she said "I once had a bf who used to do judo against me, pinning me down and leaving burises" that would read quite differently.

If you were trying to do something to him, or he had reasonable concern that you were about to, then grabbing you might be justified. If not then he was abusive so good riddance.

It's a small start to escalating violence holly

Yes now it would. I let all the "small stuff" I could brush off go

Then realised quite how much small stuff there was and how abusive it was.

Unless you were about to fall onto train tracks or jump off a high building I can't see what his need for it was?

To emphasise his point?

Yes I would.

It would show the gesture was about power and a loving relationship should not be about overpowering the other.

Grabbing my arm for anything other than a safety related reason would be an issue for me, that would need to stop.

Doing it for emphasis when arguing and doing it hard enough to bruise, absolutely no and that would be the end. People who are supposed to like/love you shouldn't be hurting you.

Yep - total deal breaker.
No abuse - NONE at all.

Run.

Don't stay to find out.

OP, that is assaulting you.
Photograph it and dump.
Not good.