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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't know what to do :/

28 replies

Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 13:15

I've been with my partner for a few years now, no children of our own, he has two from previous relationship. The kids and I get on great :)

He does the school run half the week and he's mentioned a mum that he talks to regularly (she's new to the area).

Anyway she's just added him on facebook and while he was with me has accepted her and started liking her photo's of her posing on her own.

I've gone beserk (due to been cheated on in previous relationship). He's saying he doesn't know why he liked it? And there's nothing in it blah blah. Which is obviously rubbish as he liked it in the first place!

I genuinely don't know what to do? I'm not sure if im over reacting but I feel like I'll never be able to trust him, even though nothing's gone on.

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 31/05/2018 13:17

Yes.

Shoxfordian · 31/05/2018 13:18

Yeah you are overreacting

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 13:20

Thanks for replying Blush

Clearly just feeling slightly hormonal!

OP posts:
pisces7268 · 31/05/2018 13:21

I think it's a bit disrespectful if you're in a relationship and liking pictures of another person. There's no need for it so don't see why they would bother as some people might see it as flirting.

Josuk · 31/05/2018 13:23

Yes, totally OTT

He isn’t hiding anything. He mentioned her to you. He liked her pictures.
He didn’t start sneaking out to meet her, etc.

Your previous bf cheating on you has nothing to do with this one.

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 13:23

That's exactly what I said. So not only can I see you disrespecting me, but the rest of facebook can too :(

The worst bit is we were out for the night when he accepted her and started liking them!

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 31/05/2018 13:28

I like a lot of peope’s pictures, male and female. If they are nice, or interesting, or funny pictures.
Even some of my exes’s pictires - who I haven’t seen in years.

Doesn’t mean I am flirting. Or that I am planning to sleep with any of them.

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 13:31

MMmomDD

I think if they were friends or anything more than someone you apparently just chat with at the school gates, I wouldn't be so anxious. I think the fact, he doesn't know her well, and the photos are of her posing on her own, strangely he hasn't liked any others of kids dogs etc Hmm

OP posts:
fluffyrobin · 31/05/2018 13:34

But you are not married!

Surely that gives some freedom for either of you unless you have made a pact of some sort?

Don't understand jealousy like this ( and I am married!)

If you are insecure in your relationship surely being unmarried makes things worse?

As he hasn't got a legal obligation to look after you financially or emotionally so won't that compound your insecurity?

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 13:51

To be honest I don't think your over reacting . Fair enough being face book buddies and sometimes liking some random pics she's put up,but why instantly go on and start liking pics of her on her own! Maybe he was just trying to be polite though.Is he in general a 'want people to like him' person?

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 14:00

Bexter801,

He isn't really no, and I've never had a reason to doubt him before. Like I say, to straight away go on her page and like photos of her posing when he barely knows her (but we both know she's single) I just think what respect is that showing me :(

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 31/05/2018 14:01

OP - how do you know that every time he leaves the house he doesn’t go and cheat on you?
That every time he speaks to a female he doesn’t try to compliment her to get into her pants?

You don’t. And you stay together because there is a relationship, and a certain amount of trust that does with it. All relationships rely on that.

So - you can try to police his public online activity. If you think it, somehow would make a difference.
However, it will also reflect on you.
Its off-putting.

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 14:06

See I've re read your op and you say she's new to the area,he could just be trying to make her feel welcome. Also he was with you when adding her(if he had something to hide,I doubt he'd be so open). I wouldn't overplay it in your head,every spare minute going on Facebook!

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 14:24

Oh no I wasn't sat with him when he accepted her etc, he waited til I wasn't around and then didn't mention when it was until yesterday.
Just feels very sneaky :(

OP posts:
femidom12 · 31/05/2018 14:32

But you said in your original post that he accepted her whilst he was with you, which implies that he was doing it whilst you were watching. I'm confused.

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 14:34

No, sorry I meant we went out on the Saturday night together. He never mentioned it until I saw it yesterday. So he'd obviously liked it while I was at the bar or toilet

OP posts:
TuTru · 31/05/2018 14:37

I think I’d be annoyed but I prob wouldn’t say anything much at this stage.
I would be keeping a little bit of an eye on it though xx

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 14:39

Why not invite the girl around for few drinks,or go out for few drinks,the 3 of ye? She's new to the area,so probably doesn't know a lot of people,and you should quickly be able to tell if there's anything more than just friendship there

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 14:39

Maybe 'like' her pics also so she is aware you know he is her fb friend?
Maybe she will message you instead of him?!

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 14:40

Thanks TuTru,

I couldn't keep my cool unfortunately. And he's apologising for been in the wrong and he wouldn't have liked me doing it.

Time will tell I guess Confused xx

OP posts:
woder · 31/05/2018 14:41

Liking pictures of her posing alone would go down like a cold cup of sick in this house.

Original poster
Summer2011 · 31/05/2018 14:44

Bexter801,

She knows who I am as I've spoke with her once before, He actually introduced us once, but now I think he hasn't mentioned her just recently.

I think I need to cool down and see what happens :/

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 14:47

Definitely stay calm!,you won't find out anything if you push it...but keep your ears and eyes open.

femidom12 · 31/05/2018 15:12

Jeez Facebook can be such a nightmare. I'm glad I've deleted my account. More trouble than it's worth. Good luck OP.

jinxedit · 31/05/2018 18:41

I wouldn’t like this either Op, there’s no need for it