Man leaving me confused...what is this

[Eatsleepworkrepeat95]

I have been dating a man for just under a year. I am a single mother so don't have much free time but see him normally on my free weekends. I also sometimes see him when I am out with friends but we are not there together.

At the beginning I felt as if I wanted to jump into a serious relationship. However he didn't feel ready for that and tbh looking at it Im not sure I was either.

Fast forward to now we speak often we meet up we help each other out but we are still casual. There have been one or two occasions when I have had problems and he honestly isnt an emotional support or doesn't message to see how I am doing with things. But I reckon that as we aren't official I can't expect that of him and just get on with my life.

But there is a part of me that feels like I am being...I don't know the word. We arranged to meet this weekend coming and his last message said he really wanted us to go out and have drinks as we hadn't done that in a while. I didn't respond as it was in response to a message I had sent and was just saying what he wanted to do. But today when I messaged 2 days later he is replying 'Oh now you know how to respond' the message didn't warrant a response. This is frequent with him he can disappear for a week ignore a message but if I don't carry on the conversation he gets arsey. He has had a go at me for leaving the bar I was in with my friends and waving bye rather than going up and hugging him goodbye. His ex girlfriend was in the smoking area when we were having a conversation the same night and he kept on making loud overtures singing a song and looking at her Tbh I couldn't be bothered with it. But the next day he accused me of just leaving him and he had said to his ex when she gestured him over no he was with me (I didn't witness this).

But I feel as if we are not official he can't expect me to behave like his girlfriend or to run to his messages when he doesn't treat me like I should. I dont know I just always come off feeling a little soured and like he just wants me to jump when he says jump. We feel like friends but I felt quite upset when I explained I had been ill and so had my son to the point where I had to take him to the hospital and he didn't express concern like a friend would or even say hope you're OK.

Ahh that was so long. Long story short a man wants me to act like a girlfriend but doesn't treat me like one.

Cut ties with him, He sounds to much like hard work the twat.

Oh just get rid. Life's too short to waste on this bellend.

Bit of a control freak isn't he? I'd stay well clear!

he wants you when it suits him cause he's the important one. what you want doesn't really matter, your emotions don't matter, but his do.

why are you wasting time and emotions on someone who isn't reciprocating?

sounds harsh, sorry, but that's how it reads to me.

bit all that aside..
this guy gets arset with you
has a go at you
stares at ex when with you
doesn't txt and ask how you are
etc

dump the cock.

Sounds like he wants the benefits of an official relationship when it suits him, not you. A bit of a 'pick and mix' approach, if you will. There sounds like a bit of a show being put on for his ex, which you didn't play the game with. Good for you! I couldn't be doing with it. There are nicer out there.

He’s keeping you off balance. Instead of trying to work out what’s going on with him (you’ll never untangle it!), think instead about what you’re getting out of it. Is this really working for you? Sounds like you really want a caring, reciprocal relationship. His actions to date suggest he’s not the right man for this. He didn’t care when you were ill.
Casual is fine if that’s what you want, but I think you want someone nicer.

I think you are all correct. Early on he told me 'remember the tail doesnt wag the dog'.

Yes I stayed after that don't know why now.

I couldn't be bothered with the show for his ex. If you're talking to me why are you performing songs for her?

What do I do? I dont want to block him as we see eachother out often and I don't even feel as if he is important enough to block.

I just hate that I leave so many interactions feeling bad about myself. That's why I asked what is this called.

A while back he was here with me for the weekend. When I messaged him a day later he ignored me for a week. I mean who on earth behaves like that. And why the hell am I putting up with it?

He is projecting by getting funny with you when you don't reply quickly. It's as if he knows he's being half arsed and punishing you instead of dealing with his own ambivalence.

I dont mind casual if the person is actually nice to me. But I can't do casual and then be told basically that I am not giving them enough attention.

Sometimes I am out and I see him but I dont go and hang out with him and his friends as I dont feel comfortable to do so and I am with my people. But apparently I shouldn't feel uncomfortable because I know him even when he is there with a whole load of women. Then he told me he would never change that. I never asked him to.

Op you know it's not right. If your relationship hasn't thrived by now it's a dodo. Find someone who makes you feel fabulous.

If he's acting like this after a relatively short amount of time, who knows how much worse it'll get. You should both be having fun and getting to know each other without pressure. Especially as you aren't "official"

There have been one or two occasions when I have had problems and he honestly isnt an emotional support or doesn't message to see how I am doing with things
This will never change, if he cannot support you as a friend, it will not be any different IF you were a couple.

But I reckon that as we aren't official I can't expect that of him and just get on with my life.
No, a friend would support you.
He won't whether you become a couple or not.

And why the hell am I putting up with it?
Because you're still a bit dazzled, take a few deep breaths, read through what you and other posters have said then see the situation how it really is. Sorry

That's why I asked what is this called.
It's called being an insensitive asshole and having his cake and eating it.

You sound like you've had enough.
So just tell him.
'This is no longer working for me. Let's remain very casual friends who just say hi when we are out but I don't want a relationship with you anymore'
Job done!

Ah sounds like he's playing games with you. Perhaps even The Game. (look it up). But rather half heartedly and probably to make ex gf jealous.
You get nothing from this guy emotionally. Is he a good shagging or very generous at least? Even then he would be no more than a fuck buddy for me.
You also have a ds to think about.
Just let it slide/ ghost away. Or just say, I don't think we want the same things. It's not working. It's not you it's me. The usual brush offs.

Yep. I think I have had enough. I realised this when I thought to myself if I don't see him this weekend there's no skin off my nose.

Ahh we will be at the same party on a boat next week that will be fun . I'm not cancelling though I'm really looking forward to it.

I should have just left it alone. It's so hard when you have someone in your ear telling you they just want to make you happy. What's the point in saying that then acting like an ass.

My relationship history with my son's Dad isnt great including massive emotional and some physical abuse as well as cheating. I'm not desperate to be in a relationship I dont want to be treated like crap I have had a lifetime of that

Update: I ended it with him.

Just pissed off with myself that I let it go on for so long. Deleted my Whatsapp for a bit so I'm not tempted to message him and going to spoil myself this weekend when my son goes to his Gran's.

I'm actually angrier at myself than I am with him. Because every passive aggressive unkind thing he ever said are because I allowed it and my boundaries were not strong enough.

Yay for you! Now go and do something nice for yourself.

And don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s easy to believe the best of people. You did something positive when you realised his actions and words don’t match. You’ll spot this particular brand of fuckery much more quickly in the future!

You go girl!
Well done on taking back control of yourself and your situation.
You know what happened and you've learned from it.
So don't beat yourself up, just don't let it happen again!

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing for everyone OP. Well done

Well done. Be prepared for him to put on a big show of flirting with other women when you're in the same venue (eg boat next week) - he'll be trying to 'show you what you've lost' (ugh). But if you're not upset by it, smiling vaguely as if at a stranger's antics, it's a pointless game he's playing.